Camp Griffin Holiday special
by Homeydaclown
Summary: Camp Griffin Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years specials into one. Lazlo/Patsy moments. Some new Original characters, & Peter does stupid stuff! Language, some drug usuage, brief nudity, & maybe farting. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Camp Griffin Holiday special

_As always, I don't own the characters or places, except the ones I create, Blah, blah, blah._

It was a cold, windy & rainy day at _Camp Griffin_. It was the type of day, just to stay indoors. It was November alright. The holidays was coming up, as it was evidenced as Homer brought in a mailbag full of salepapers from _Macy's_, _K-mart_, _JcPenney's_ & other stores. "Whew! Damn, this bag's heavy!" he said as he lugged in the overweighted mailbag into Peter's office. Peter was at his desk. He was actually doing some work, and not goofing around. "Hmm?" he muttered as he chewed on the pen. "What should my thanksgiving plans be?" Homer noticed this. "So, you got thinkin' problems, eh?" "Yep." Peter muttered. "Thinkin's one hell of a drug." "Have you tried spinnin' on your head?" Homer asked. Peter thought about what Homer said. "I tried that one time. I-It didn't go well."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was sitting at his desk at the brewery. He was bored.

Peter: Man, I'm so bored. So bored. So bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. _**Bored!**_

Then he spins a toy top, that just happened to be on the table.

Peter: I know what to do! I can spin that top, that just happened to be there!

He picks up the top & spins it. He laughs at it.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ That's looks _so_ neat!

Then he had an idea.

Peter: **I KNOW, WHAT I CAN DO!!!!!!!!**

He then gets on the floor & starts spinning on his head. He knocks anything, that was in the way. Then he stands up.

Peter:(eyes spinning in his head) _Oh man!_ That was fun! Maybe, I should spin some more!!

He then gets on the floor, & starts spinning some more & more. It then cutsaway to Peter in a jailcell.

Peter: Well, looks like I have some time on my hands now. Might as well, enjoy it.

He sits on his jailbed. Then his cellmate sat right next to him & puts his hand on his shoulder.

Cellmate: Can I give you a massage?  
Peter: No thanks.  
Cellmate: How 'bout a date?  
Peter: What?  
Cellmate: How 'bout _we_ go out on a date?

Peter then looks straight at the camera.

Peter: Uh oh! Spaghetti-o's.  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"And that day started so perfect too." Peter muttered sadily. Then he recovered. "So, uh, what's that you got?" he asked Homer. "It's one of two of today's mail." Homer said as he put the bag on Peter's desk. "Looks like, we got salepapers from those stores again." Peter said. "Yep. It's that time of year again. Everyone's go shopping & eat turkey." "_Oooh!_ Turkey!" Homer exclaimed. "Aaaaarggghh!" "I know!" Peter exclaimed. "I'll just sit in front of the tv, watch football, Lois, Cleveland & some of the campers will cook the Thanksgiving dinner"! "Sounds like a great idea." Homer awed. "I'm glad, I could be some help." "Yeah, just leave the mailbag here, Homer." Peter said. "I'll sort through those. That'll be a wise thing." So Homer did & lefted. Peter laughed. "When I meant 'I'll' I meant _Brian_." Then he got on his cell phone, to call the poor slave.

Meanwhile, Patsy was laying on her bed. She was having her quiet time. Like always, she was reading a magazine, had her music on, & was eating chocolates. Patsy enjoys doing this. "_Ah!_ Nothin' but peace & quiet, and I'm enjoy every minute of it!" she said as she threw a piece of chocolate into her mouth. Just then, Penny walks in. "I see, yo' havin' yo' peace time." she said. "Yeah." Patsy said. Then Penny layed on her bed. "What a borin' day." she yawned. "It's dull, cold, & gray out." "Well, it's November after all, Penny." Patsy said as she turned a page in her magazine. "It's suppose to be that way." Penny thought what Patsy had said. "Yeah, yo' right, there, _P_." Penny said. "It's so damn cold, dat I'd had to bring out my pants." Patsy turned to her. "What? You just now gettin' out your pants? I been wearin' mine's since, the middle of last month." "You know, it's takes tha cold, rain, & wind to make me put on a pair." Penny laughed. "Yeah." Patsy said as she went back to her magazine. "You don't mind, if I join ya. Do you, _P_?" Penny asked. "No, I don't mind, Penny." Patsy said as she threw another piece of chocolate into her mouth. "Matter of fact, you can listen to your music, too." "Aight!" Penny exclaimed happily as she took her cd player, a several tins of _Pringles_, three bottles of _Squirt_, & her cd, Naughty by Nature's 'Hip hop hooray'.

At the poolroom, Lazlo & Mercedes was playing a friendly game of pool & was having a conversation too. "So, _P_ told me dat you was afraid to play pool last year, because of a certain incident?" Mercedes asked as she made her shot. "Yeah. It was awful, Mercedes." Lazlo said as he made a shot. "Everyone was screaming & panicking. There was some much chocolate frosting & pineapple upside down cake everywhere!" "Well, I see, dat yo' over dat." Mercedes said. "Oh yeah." Lazlo said. "Let's just say, that I'd read a book on how to overcome such silly fears."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lazlo's back home, in Brazil, maybe Sao Paulo. Anyway, he was in his room. He was reading a book. It was one of Dr. Phil's books.

Lazlo:(reading outloud) _If you're caused the whole world to go into finacial crises, by accidently hitting a investment firm guy's head. You need to 'accidently' spill the blood of your younger sibling & wash your hands in their blood._ Hmmm. Now which one of my siblings should I hit?

Just then his younger sister, Julia, suddenly walks up to him. She had red shoulder length hair. She was wearing a white T-shirt, blue jeans, & white shoes.

Julia: Hey Lazlo. What are you doin'? Huh? Huh? What are you readin'? Huh? Huh?

Lazlo: Well, if you must know. I'm readin' one of Dr. Phil's books.  
Julia: Why?  
Lazlo: Because, I can get over my fear from playin' pool.  
Julia: Oh, that Las Vegas incident. Why do you wanna do that?  
Lazlo: Why wouldn't I?  
Julia: Because, you want to impress your pink-haired mongoose girlfriend back in the states. That's why. Hee! Hee!  
Lazlo: Shut up.  
Julia:(in typical little sister manner) Lazlo & Patsy. Sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Lazlo: I said, Shut up!  
Julia: First, comes love, then come marriage.  
Lazlo: SHUT UP!  
Julia: Then Lazlo comes with a baby carriage.  
Lazlo: **THAT'S IT!!!**

He throws a football a her. It hit her right in the mouth & the audience laughed. Bloody started sprewing out immediately. This was the chance, that Lazlo was waiting for. He goes over to his sister's blood & put his hands in it & washes his hands.

Lazlo: What that done. I need to go to the poolhall.

It then cutsaway to one of Sao Paulo's pool halls. Lazlo was playing a game of pool. He was winning & just got done finishing a game. He was counting the money, that he won.

Lazlo:(counting the money) I guess, that Dr. Phil book was right after all! I hope Julia be okay.

It cuts back to his house. Julia is now getting back up.

Julia:(holds her head) Oh god! My head's hurtin'.

She tastes her blood in her banana shaped mouth.

Julia: Why do I taste blood?

She notices Lazlo's football, sitting next to her.

Julia: I guess, I must've been playin' with Lazlo's football & hit myself in the mouth again. Why, do I keep doin' stupid shit!? _Why?_  
**_(End flashback)_**

"It's times like dat, makes me glad, dat I'm a only child." Mercedes said as she made a shot. "Dat means, my folks & I can travel tha world." "You lucky." Lazlo muttered. "You've never had an annoying little sister or brother to irritate you. Or an older brother, that beats you up." "What? Does yo' older blood beat tha shit outta ya?" Mercedes asked. "No. Thank god, they moved out & have jobs & families, to irritate me." Lazlo laughed. "Basically, I'm the oldest in my family as of now." "Dat means, yo' be movin' out soon?" Mercedes asked. "Yep." Lazlo replied as he put up the cuestick. Just then, Stewie walked up to them. He had some papers. "Look, it's Stewie." Lazlo pointed out. "I wonder, what he wants." Mercedes sniffed. "I say, hello _Fancy car girl_." Stewie smiled. Then his mood changed when he saw Lazlo. "Hello primate." "What's that you got there?" Lazlo asked him. "These? These are the printed off flyers, that the _fat man_ wanted me to give everyone. So here. Take them." Stewie explained as he gave Lazlo & Mercedes some of the flyers and lefted. "I wonder, what _love handles_ want us to see?" Mercedes sniffed. "It's probably somethin' stupid, gay, annoying, or all three at once." Lazlo sniffed as he crumbled up the flyer. "Do you want something to snack on?" "Yeah." Mercedes said. "I wonder, if I got some tacos lefted." "Probably. Just as long that dumb Clam haven't ate em." Lazlo said. "You know, how he is?" "Yeah. Even when, somethin's got yo' name on it, he still eats it!" Mercedes sniffed. "Cheeky long-nosed c(bleep)t!" "Yeah." Lazlo muttered. "Do you wanna watch _'The Critic'_ dvd?" "Yeah." Mercedes exclaimed. "I love dat show." "Me too." Lazlo said. "Jay Sherman's funny." "Yeah, despite of him, bein' tha ass of everyone's jokes." said Mercedes. "Yeah." Lazlo muttered. "They could've treated him better." "Yeah. They could've give his show more seasons." Mercedes sniffed. "Dat shit was cool!" Just then, Jay Sherman runs up to her. "Thank you! Thank you! It's really rare for me to hear that! Especially, from a young lady, such as yourself!" he said as he hugged Mercedes tight. "Yo' welcomed, _J_." Mercedes said as she was struggling to breathe. "Let go!" So Jay did. Mercedes turned to him. "Yo' not bad for a 4'10 dude. Do you got a job?" "Yeah. I got a job." Jay said. "I got a job here." "As what?" Mercedes asked. "As the head medical personel." Jay said in a somewhat proud type of voice. "So, dat means, yo' a doctor or nurse, then?" Mercedes asked. "Yes, young lady. I'm a _nurse_!!!" Jay exclaimed happily as he ran off. "Dat man needs a woman." Mercedes muttered. "Yeah." Lazlo added. "Let's go."

Patsy & Penny was enjoying their quiet time. "So, are we gonna do this all day, _P_?" Penny asked Patsy. "Probably, since it's November & it's cold & rainy out." Patsy answered. Just then Mercedes & Lazlo walked in. Patsy noticed them. "Are you two, enjoyin' your day?" she asked in a teasing sort of way. "Yeah." Mercedes anwered. "I'm glad to hear it." Patsy said as she went back to her magazine. Mercedes went to check the fridge to see if her leftovers were still there & not eaten by Clam. Fortunately, it was. "Thank god, it's still there." Mercedes said as she got her food. Patsy closed her magazine. Lazlo noticed this. "Are you done?" he asked. "Yes, dear." Patsy said as she put away her magazine. "I am." "So, what do you wanna do today?" Lazlo asked. "I don't know." Patsy muttered. "Do you wanna go & hit Lois with sticks, rocks, & shit like that?" "Yeah." Lazlo said as he stood up. "Alrighty then." Patsy said. They leave. Penny turned to Mercedes. "So, _Benz_. Do you wanna do beat up some punk ass background n(bleep)as?" she asked. "Can it wait til I got done eatin', _'Nette_?" asked Mercedes. "Yeah." Penny said. "It can wait. Those background bastards will still be here."

Meanwhile, Peter had called Brian down, to sort out the bag of mail. He of course, was cross. "I thought, you wanted me to help you, decide what everyone should do today?!" Brian sniffed. "Not help you sort out fast food coupons for your fat ass!!" "_Hee!Hee!_ You always fall for that!" Peter laughed. "You should be used to that by now!" "Stupid asshole! Idiot!" Brian muttered. "Always doin' stupid shit!" He threw out the mail & slammed it on Peter's desk. Peter noticed this. Well, sort of. "Hey! Watch, where you slammin' that junkmail!! You're gonna spill my juice!!!!" he sniffed. "**JUNKMAIL!!!! MOST OF THESE LETTERS ARE BILLS, PRIVATE LETTERS FOR THE CAMPERS, LOIS, & EVEN FOR _YOUR_ FAT ASS!!!!**" Brian yelled as he slammed the letters onto Peter's desk. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! _This sure is some great juice!_" Peter exclaimed as he ignored Brian's rant. Brian was blind-as-a-bat red now. "You wanna do this!?! Well, **FINE!!!! _YOU_ DO IT THEN!!!! I'M DONE FOR THE DAY!!!!!**" Then he threw the mailbag at Peter & lefted the office. Peter was stunned. "I wonder, what he's mad about?" he asked stupidly as the audience jeered at his stupidity.

Patsy & Lazlo was throwing stuff at Lois. They were doing this, well Patsy anyway; was doing this, because she hated Lois. And Lazlo was doing this, because Patsy was. Anyway, they were throwing stones, sticks & the like at Lois. "_OW!_ **STOP IT!**" Lois cried. "**SHUT UP!**" Patsy snapped. "**I HATE YOU!!!!**" "But why do you _hate_ me?" Lois asked between the stone throwing. "I didn't do anything to you." "You always goin' around here, lookin' stupid!" Patsy shouted as she threw another stone at Lois. "You got a big nose! Your feet is round. You always wear lipstick all the damn time! And you treat everyone like a fuckin' moron!" "Oh. Don't forget, what she done to me, when we first met, Patsy." Lazlo sniffed as he threw another stone.

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened, just after Peter brought both camps. Lois just put on her new uniform & just went outside.

Lois:_ Ah!_ Time to plant some flowers. They'll make this a little better.

She plants some flowers, until she noticed Lazlo walking by.

Lois: Ha! Just look at that. That kid got a banana for a mouth. What will kids think of next? Wait a minute!! Did he just come from my kitchen?!?

It cutsaway to Lois' kitchen counter. There was some bananas out of a shopping bag. One of the bananas were already eaten, as a peel was on the shopping bag.

Lois: **THAT CHEEKY ORANGE C(bleep)T!!! I'LL SHOW HIM!!!**

She turns to the direction Lazlo went.

Lois: **OY YOU! THE BANANA MOUTH!**  
Lazlo:(turns to her direction) Who me?  
Lois: Yeah you! Come here!!

Lazlo goes towards her.

Lazlo: Yeah.  
Lois:(points to his mouth) Where did you get this?  
Lazlo: What? My mouth?  
Lois: Yeah, your 'mouth'. Where did you get this?  
Lazlo: I was born with this.  
Lois: Yeah, whatever! Now gimme back my banana!  
Lazlo:(back away from Lois a bit) What do you mean?  
Lois: **YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!!!! GIVE IT HERE, NOW!!!**

Then she jumps onto poor Lazlo. She beats him up & rips his mouth off.

Lois: That'll teach ya! Stupid kid!

She then kids him & leaves with his mouth. Back at the kitchen, she puts Lazlo's mouth on the counter.

Lois: _There!_ Stupid monkey!

Just then, Peter walked up to her. He was eating a banana.

Peter: Hey Lois. What are you doin'?  
Lois: I'd just caught one of the campers, stealing one of the family's bananas! Uh, what are you eatin'?  
Peter:(takes a bite from the banana) A banana. It was with the rest on the counter.  
Lois: So, if you're eatin' the missing banana. That means, that's that kid's....

Lazlo then slam opens the kitchen door. He was cross.

Lazlo's mouth: **My mouth! You stupid bitch!**  
Lois: Oh! I'm so sorry, dear. Here.

She gives him, his mouth back. He puts it back on.

Lois: I'm really sorry, honey.  
Lazlo: **FUCK YOU!!!!!!** **You stupid big-nosed skank!!!!**

Lazlo leaves the kitchen angrily.

Peter: It's already the first day, & you're already fuckin' up, Lois.  
Lois: H-How was I suppose to know, that was his mouth?  
Peter:(points the oppersite direction) Go to your room.  
Lois: What?  
Peter: You heard me! **GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!** We'll, and when I meant 'we'll', I meant me. I will discuss about your punishment!  
Lois: Oh, man!

She stomped to the bedroom. Peter grabbed another banana.

Peter:(peeled the banana) Ah, parenting's so hard.  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback)_**

"How was I suppose to know, that was _your_ mouth?" Lois asked. "Everyone was new & I didn't know anybody." "Back to topic." Patsy said. "You got very snobby parents. You treat Meg like shit! You don't even notice Stewie & you're just too damn annoying!" "It's not my fault!" Lois cried as another stone hit her in the knee. "I was drawn & created to be that way! What can I do? I'm only human." Then she got on her knees, in front of Patsy. "I'm only human!" she cried. Patsy rolled her eyes. "I hate it, when they grovel." Then Lois put her head on Patsy's feet. "I'm sorry, for bein' all those things!" she sobbed. Lazlo went towards Patsy. "Damn Patsy. I've never seen anybody cry like that before." he said. "Maybe, we should stop throwin' stones. That'll be a wise thing." "I suppose, you're right, dear." Patsy said. "She's making my feet more wet than the rain. Okay, Lois. You can get up now." Lois got up. "I'm sorry, that I cried, & got your feet wet." "That's alright, Lois." Patsy muttered as she give Lois a tissue. "They were gonna get wet regardless. Here." Lois blew her nose. "Thank you, dear. Do you at least, wanna be friends?" "Yeah, but occasionally, I have to beat on you, just to keep up appearances." Patsy said. "That's fine with me." Lois said. "What about Mercedes & Penny?" Lazlo asked. "What are we gonna tell them?" "Well, we can keep this as a secret between us three." Lois said as she winked. "That's fine with me." Patsy said. Just then, Mercedes & Penny walked up. "What ya'll doin'?" Mercedes asked. "_Oh!_ I was beatin' the shit outta this big-nosed, high-lookin' slut!" Patsy said as she hit Lois with a stone. "_Ow!_" Lois cried as she felled into the mud. "Dat's teachin' her, _P_!" Penny praised. "Stupid dick-suckin' ho'!" They all leave. Patsy turned back to Lois. Lois got her head out of the mud. Patsy smiled at her & Lois smiled back.

It was sometime later. Joe had brought in another big mailbag. Peter noticed this. "What? Some more mail?" "Well, what do you expect?" Joe asked. "It is November after all." "Yeah." Peter said as he started taking out the mail. "What happened to Brian?" Joe asked. "He usually does this for you." "He got angry over somethin'. I don't know what." Peter said. "I'm startin' to think to what, or shall I say, who, he was mad at." Joe said. "What?" asked Peter. "What?" Joe asked. Peter looked through the mail. "Bill. Bill. A letter for Ms. Penny. _Pizza Hut_ coupons. _Burger King_ coupons. Bill, & a _Playboy_ for me." "Maybe, I should deliever Penny's letter to her." Joe said as he took Penny's letter. "Yeah, you go ahead and do that, Joe." Peter said as he looked into his dirty magazine. Mercedes & Penny was at the lodge. They was watching tv with Edward. They were watching, _'Dangerous minds'_. "Damn. Urban schoolin's one hell of a drug." Edward said. Penny & Mercedes looked at him. "What?" he asked. "I was just keepin' it real. That's all." "Whatever." Mercedes sniffed. "Just don't be fake. Dat'll be a wise thing." Just then, Joe rolled up to Penny. "Here's a important letter for you, Penny." Joe said as he handed her the letter. She looks at it. "_Oh!_ It's from my mom." "I wonder, what she wants?" Mercedes wondered. So Penny opened the letter. There was cash inside of it. "_Oh snap!_ Look at all that green you got, Ms. Penny!" Edward exclaimed. "Are you gonna split it?" Penny turned to him. "Why you ask dat? Do you want me to give you half? Huh? Do you want me to strip & stuff dollars down my panties? Huh? Would you like dat? Huh? _Huh?!?_" Penny demaded angrily, even though she was teasing. "N-N-No M-M-Ms. P-P-Penny." Edward stuttered as he started sweating from the sexy thought. "I-I-I gotta go!" He runs outta there. Mercedes turned to Penny. "I like tha way you do dat, _'Nette_." "I like doin' dat too!" Penny laughed. "I like tha way, dat n(bleep)a always get all nervous, & sweaty!" "Did you noticed he was gettin' hard, also?" Mercedes laughed. "Yeah!" Penny laughed as she took the cash out of the envelope. "What a prick!" Just then, a note fell out of the envelope. Mercedes noticed this. "There's a note, dat fell out, _'Nette_." So Penny picked it up & read it.

_Dear Annette,_

_This year, our family's, who was available, will be havin' Thanksgivin' at home this year. This money, I send is for gas & refreshments. By tha way, if you got any homies, they can come too. See you until then._

_Love,  
Mom_

"What does it say?" Mercedes asked. "It says, dat our family's gonna have Thanksgivin' at _Mo-town_ this year." Penny started. "This cash's here is for gas & food & if we got any homies, they can come too." "Dat's tight. I hate to dread, what _big boy_'s Thanksgivin' plans are." Mercedes muttered. "You should of seen, what happened last year." Penny said. "What happened?" Mercedes asked. "Well, _fat boy_ got drunk, _Q_ had sex wit tha turkey, a bunch of background punks got drunk, & _P_ & I had to make tha second dinner." Penny explained. "So, did ya'll fry chicken?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." Penny responded as she stood up. "C'mon, let's go tell, _P_." "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." added Mercedes.

Patsy & Lazlo was with Lois. They were in her room. She had a piece of paper, that Peter gave her earlier, and Lazlo & Patsy was wondering what was it. "What's that?" Patsy asked Lois. "Oh, it's a list, that Peter gave me. It's for the Thanksgiving dinner." Lois explained. "I hope, Quagmire's not gonna fuck up the turkey, by having sex with it, again." Lazlo sniffed. "But I must say, that chicken you & Penny fried sure was good, Patsy!" "Ha! Ha! Thank you, dear." Patsy giggled. "Well, I'd better not buy too much stuff." Lois started. "Because, most of the campers are goin' home to be with their families for Thanksgiving." "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing." Patsy said. "Alright." Lois started. "The stuff, I need to get is; Turkey of course, Ham, yams, cranberry sauce, Mac & cheese, _Stove top_ stuffing, wine, beer, & rolls." Then she took out her keys. "Do you guys wanna come to the store with me?" "Yes, but I want to check on Penny & Mercedes first." Patsy said. "Go ahead, dear." Lois said. So Patsy did.

Outside, Patsy bumped into Mercedes & Penny. "Oh! There you guys are." "_P_, we got some news for you." Mercedes said. "What is it?" asked Patsy. "Here." Penny said as she Patsy her letter. Patsy read it. "So, that means, I'm gonna go to Detroit for Thanksgiving?" "Yeah, _P_." Penny said. "It also says, dat we can invite any homies along, wit us." "So, dat means, you can invite yo' boy, _P_." Mercedes teased. "You know, that teasin' shit doesn't even bother me anymore, Mercedes." Patsy said. "Oh. Well, it was just a suggestion, _P_." Mercedes said. Patsy thought about it. "_Hmm? That sounds like a great idea. This'll give Lazlo a chance to meet my mom._" "So, what did you want, _P_?" Penny asked. "What? _Oh!_ I just wanted to tell ya'll that I punched Lois in the nose, for bein' annoyin'." Patsy lied. "Dat's good, _P_." Mercedes chirped. "Keep up tha hard work!" Penny said. Patsy went back to Lazlo & Lois. "I'm sorry Lois, but Lazlo & I need to stay here." Patsy announced. "What's wrong, dear?" Lois asked. "Uh, something came up. Nina's on the shit again." Patsy lied. "And I need to tend to her." "Oh alright then." Lois said. "Maybe next time then." Lois leaves. "Is it that bad, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "That was an excuse, to keep us from goin' with Lois." Patsy admitted. "I need to talk to you, dear." "What is it, sweetie?" Lazlo asked. "My family's gonna have Thanksgiving in Detroit this year & looks like Mercedes, Penny, & I have to attend & I wonderin', if you like to come?" Patsy explained. "If-if your family doesn't mind?" "I would like to come, Patsy." Lazlo said. "My family doesn't mind. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice. So, when are we leavin'?" "The beginning of next chapter." Patsy said. "Maybe." "So, do you wanna get packed?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, let's." Patsy said as they went to pack.

Brian was relaxing. He was smoking a cigarette, when Stewie walks in on him. "I say, dog." he started. "I've heard that you went off on the _fat man_." "Yeah, I did!" Brian sniffed as he took a puff from his cigarette. "He's always treatin' me like shit!" "So, you finally noticed that?" Stewie asked. "I guess, that's something, that you can write for your novel, that you've been doin' for the last eight years......" Brian slapped Stewie's head, for doing that very annoying high voice/novel gag. "_Ow!_ You bitch!" Stewie sniffed. "That's what you get for doin' that stupid gag!" Brian sniffed. "You're pissin' me off, just like Oscar the grouch met Abby Cadabby."

**_(Cutaway to Sesame Street)_**  
Oscar was in his can. It was raining out, so nobody wasn't outside playing. He was enjoying this.

Oscar: _Ah!_ There's nothin' like, sittin' out. In the rain. With no annoyin' happy goody goody two-shoes around!

Just then, some magic dust starts appearing. Suddenly, a pink, furry fairy monster-like girl, wearing a blue dress appears. She had a wand, of course. She looks at Oscar.

Abby: Hello there. My name's Abby Cadabby, and....where am I?  
Oscar: _Oh god!_ Another annoyin' goody-goody! I'm gonna hate this shit!  
Abby: Mister, can you tell me what is this place?  
Oscar: Well, if you must know, it's _Sesame Street_. The most crappiest place on the face of the earth.  
Abby: Okay? What does _'crappiest'_ means?  
Oscar:(getting pissed now)** It means, get lost, little girl!**  
Abby: What does, _'get lost'_ means?  
Oscar: **GET OUTTA HERE!**  
Abby: What does **'GET OUTTA HERE'** means?  
Oscar: **GRRRRRR!**  
Abby: Look whaat I can do!

She then swings her wand & turns Oscar into a pumpkin. The audience laughs.

Abby:(happy, not noticing what she did) I turn everything into pumpkins! Am I smart or...

Then she looks at the camera.

Abby: What is that word?  
Cameraman: Smart.  
Abby: Oh yeah! _Smart_! I think, I'm gonna make it stop, uh....

She looks at the camera again.

Abby: What's this stuff, that's falling?  
Cameraman: Rain.  
Abby: Oh yeah! I'm gonna make it stop raining!

She waves her wand to make it stop raining. The rain stop, but it started raining giant orange ripe pumpkins. The pumpkins smashed through & destroyed everything. Cars, windows, buildings, toys, trash cans, & even people, knocking some of them unconcious. Elmo sure was enjoying himself.

Elmo:(doing his stupid, annoying trademark laugh) _Ha! Hee! Hee! Hee!_ This feels good! Elmo enjoys being hit with pumpkins! This is fun, eh Mr. Noodle?

Mr. Noodle, who was safe, inside of his apartment, flipped Elmo off. The audience laughs.

Elmo:(notices his gesture) Does that means, that you _love_ Elmo?  
Abby: It's rainin' pumpkins. Well, I'm too tired to fix this problem. I'm sure, everybody can handle a lil' pumpkin rain.

She disappears, while everybody & everything's steadily getting pelted with pumpkins.

Elmo: _Ha! Hee! Hee! Hee!_ Elmo wished, that'll rain pumpkins everyday!

Then he opens his mouth, & a giant pumpkin smashed his head in. The audience laughs. The pumpkin rain stops. Mr. Noodle goes out & notices Elmo's dead body & breaks his silence.

Mr. Noodle: Ha! Ha! Ha! What a douche!! Thank god he's dead! I was gettin' sick of his annoyin' red ass!

Then he pulled his pants down, & pees on Elmo's body. The audience laughs.

Noodle: That'll teach you, bitch!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End long cutaway)_**

"Maybe, I should leave you alone, dog." Stewie sniffed as he rubbed the spot Brian slapped him at. "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea, kid." Brian said, in a calm voice now. "Alrighty then." Stewie said as he back away towards the enterance to Brian's quarters. "Oh god! Brian! Brian! Brian!" the white dog muttered to himself as he made himself a martini. "Do you always have to be so damn cruel?"

It was getting dark now. Mercedes & Penny was laying in their beds. They were resting. They just got done beating up some background characters, making fun of Lois, & messing around with Stewie & Edward. "Oh damn, _Benz_." Penny yawned. "What a day!" "Yeah." Mercedes yawned. "It feels kinda late." Penny looked at her watch. "It's only five after seven." Mercedes took out her phone. "D'you wanna order some chicken wings?" "Yeah." Penny said, then she thought of something. "_Benz_, do you wanna watch _'Cedric the entertainer presents'_?" "Yeah. Dat's sounds like a wise idea, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she dialed the number for the wing place on her phone. Soon, the wings arrived & Penny & Mercedes were watching tv. "Damn, these wings are hot as hell." Penny said as she took a bite from the wing. "Just like tha way, I like 'em!" "Yep!" Mercedes said as she took a sip from her _Cherry Coke_. Just then, Patsy & Lazlo walks into the scene. Patsy noticed them. "So, there you guys are." she said. "You're not doin' anything illegal are ya?" "No! What makes you think, dat we do anythin' like dat?" Mercedes asked. "I don't know." Patsy admitted. "It's time to start packin'." Lazlo butted in. "Packin'?" Penny asked him. "You goin' home?" "No. I'm goin' to Detroit with yall." Lazlo explained. "Oh." Penny muttered. Soon Patsy got into her bed. "I need my sleep. I'm gonna need to get up early." "Yeah, we need to leave early." Mercedes said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Yeah." Penny said as she drunk some water. "Dat'll be a wise thing." So, Penny put the leftover wings onto a lock & seal bowl. Then she put it in the refridgerator. Soon, she was in her nightgown. "Ah! I'm gonna sleep go tonight!" "Me too." Mercedes yawned as she got into her bed. Patsy looked around. "It feels like something's missing." "More like two things, _P_." Mercedes added. "_Oh!_ Raj & Clam. They got a new cabin to themselves." Lazlo explained.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
Raj & Clam was in their own cabin. Clam was jumping up & down on his bed.

Clam: **CLAM'S GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999!**  
Raj: Yeah! We got our own cabin! That means, no more female rules. No more bras. No more Lazlo's rules. No more havin' to hide our weed smoking!  
Clam: **YEAH! BRING OUT THE WHITE STUFF!!!!!**

So Raj brought out the bud & lit it. They started smoking.

Raj:(snorts some of the drug) _Ah!_ There's nothin' like it!  
Clam:(snorts some of the weed too) No more idiots, holdin' us back!  
Raj: Don't be so hard on _your_self, Clam.  
Clam:(hears Raj) How would you like your head to be peeled with a crowbar?  
audience:(laughs)  
Raj: What?  
Clam: What?  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Dat's good." Penny said sleepily. "I was gettin' tired of _C_'s snorin'." "Me too." Mercedes yawned. "I was also gettin' tired of my leftovers gettin' eaten by those n(bleep)as." Everyone agreed. "Well," Lazlo said as he turned to Patsy. "G'night, Patsy." "G'Night, Lazlo, dear." Patsy said sleepily. "See you in the morning." They both went to sleep. "Well, _Benz_." Penny started. "G'night." "G'night, _'Nette_." Mercedes said sleepily, as she turned off the lamp on her side table. "See you in tha mornin'." After that, everyone went happily to sleep.


	2. Road to Detroit

Road to Detroit

It was the very next morning. It was 7:30. Most of the campers are getting up now. Penny, Lazlo, & Mercedes are already up. They was packing. "There's nothin' like packin' in tha first thing in tha mornin'!" Mercedes said as she packed her suitcase. "Yeah. I can't wait to get back to Detroit!" Penny said as she packed. Lazlo was packing his suitcase. "So Penny. Where do your family live in Detroit?" he asked her. "They live in the Highland Park area, _G_." Penny answered. "By tha _John C. Lodge Freeway_." Patsy walks into the scene. She was carrying her suitcase. "My suitcase's packed & I got everything." "Are you sure about dat, _P_?" asked Mercedes. "Yeah, Mercedes. I got everything." Patsy sighed as she rolled her eyes. "You forgot to tell _greedy_, about this." Penny said. "Oh damn! I forgot 'bout that!" Patsy sniffed. "I wonder, if he's gonna let us take the trip?" Lazlo wondered. "I don't know, _G_." Mercedes started. "You know what happened tha last time, when _fatty_ let someone take a trip."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was in his office. He was doing his scoutmaster duties, when Brian came up to his desk. Peter notices him.

Peter: Hey Brian. What do you want?  
Brian: Uh, Peter. Can Lois & I have the rest of the month off?  
Peter: Why?  
Brian: We just won a trip for two to the Virgin Islands.  
Peter: What did you say?  
Brian: I said, Lois & I won a trip to the Virgin Islands.  
Peter: **THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE!!! YOU'RE GOIN' WITH LOIS!!! _THAT_ SIR, IS A CRIME!**  
Brian:(upset) What do you mean It's a crime? I was just bein' nice to Lois!  
Peter:(standing up & cross) You're tryin' to take Lois away from me! **_AGAIN!_**  
Brian:(cross also) Well, somebody's got to! She _needs_ someone better, like me!

They stare at each other. They do this for a minute or two, then Brian jumps on Peter & bites him.

Peter: _OW!_ **YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!! I'LL SHOW YOU!!!!**

Then Peter starts growling, and starts turning green like the _incredible hulk_, except he's the _incredible lard_ now.

Peter/Incredible lard: **PETER SMASH BRIAN!!!!**

Then Peter jumps onto Brian & starts beating him. All this fighting was destroying the office. They broke Peter's tv. The fighting temporary stopped. Peter notices the smashed tv.

Peter/Incredible lard: Pete...Peter's tv? **PETER'S TV!!!!!!!!! NOW PETER KILL!!!!!!!!**

He then tries to bodyslam Brian, but Brian moves out the way before Peter lands. Peter plunged through the floor, leaving his shape. It cutsaway to Peter in the basement. He was holding his knee.

Peter/Incredible lard:(doing his famous holding his knee bit) _SHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHHH!!_

He does this for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, Peter jumps out of the hole & beats Brian some more. This second barage of fighting continued, until Lois walks in on them.

Lois: What's going on here!? Peter! What are you doin'? Stop punching Brian!  
Peter/Incred. lard: But, Brian gonna take Lois on trip. Peter, **must smash!**  
Lois: No, you idiot. Those tickets are for us. I wasn't plannin' on going with Brian.  
Peter/Incred. lard: What?  
Brian:(surprised) _What?_  
Lois: Yeah.

Peter:(returning back to normal) _Yes! Ha! Ha!_ **_I_ win!!** Let's go!

He takes the two airline tickets from the dog. Lois takes out two suitcases from out of nowhere. Peter turns to Brian.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Take care of the camp, old bean. Lois & I will be relaxin' in the Virgin Islands! See you in a month!!

They ran out of the office, and jump into the car. They sped out of there, leaving Brian in a cloud of exhaust. Brian coughed as the audience laughed.

Brian: _Hack! Hack!_ Cheeky fat ass c(bleep)t!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback)_**

"Yeah." Patsy said. "He'd turned into the _Incredible Hulk_-like monster & beat up the dog. I know. I know." "Hell, it even made the news." Lazlo said. "So, do you wanna tell him?" "Well." muttered Patsy, before being interrupted by Penny. "I'll do it. _Big poppa_ can never say, 'no' to me." Then she lefted. Mercedes turned to the other two. "_Ha! Greasy_, can't say 'no' to anythin'." "Except Meg." Patsy added. "And other stupid shit." Lazlo added. "Yeah." Mercedes said as she picked up her suitcase. "Let's start loadin' up."

Peter was in his office. He was watching tv, or as he called it; 'scoutmaster duties'. He was into the show he was watching. "Yeah! Go get 'im! _Oooh!_ I bet, that's gonna hurt in the mornin'!" he laughed. Just then, Penny walks into the scene. He noticed her. "_Oh!_ Hey Ms. Penny." Peter said as he strenghtened out his tie. "What do you want?" "Well, _lardy_. _Benz_, _P_, _Laz_, & I; wondered, if it's okay, dat we go to Detroit for Thanksgivin'? All of our bloods, are suppose to attend." Penny explained. "Sure you can, Ms. Penny." Peter replied. "It's too bad, that you four gonna miss all of the shit we got planned." "Like what?" Penny asked. "You gonna get drunk again & _Q_'s gonna have sex wit tha turkey?" "Yeah." Peter answered. "I knew it." Penny said as she rolled her eyes. "But-But wait!" Peter exclaimed. "We've got more plans! Like make prank phone calls."

**Activity#1:**  
It cutsaway to the Pewterschmidt Mansion. The phone rings & Carter answers it.

Carter: Hello?  
voice: Uh, are you Carter Pewterschmidt?  
Carter: Yes.  
voice: The rich guy?  
Carter: Yes.  
voice: The father of a red-haired, big-nosed woman named Lois?  
Carter: Yeah.  
voice: Well, I'm here to informed you, that you're broke. You lose all of your money, again!  
Carter:(upset) _What?!?_ **I'm broke!!! _Again!_**

Then he gets on his knees.

Carter:(yelling at the sky) **GREENSPAN!!!!!!!!!!!**  
voice: _Hee! Hee!Hee!_ What a loser!  
Carter:(notices the laugh on the phone) Peter, is that you?  
Peter:(surprised) Uh,.....No _Hablo Ingles_.  
audience:(laughs)

"And play the game; _pin the tail on the Lois_." Peter added.

**Activity#2:**  
Lois: _**OW!**_ **STOP IT, PETER!**  
Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Who didn't say, that this will be fun?  
Lois:(pissed) **I DID!!** **_OW!_**  
audience:(laughs)

"And last, but not least. We play a new game, called; _Meg in the middle_." Peter finished. "_'Meg in tha middle'_?" Penny repeated. "Yeah, _Meg in the middle_." Peter repeated.

**Activity#3:**

Peter:(snatches Meg's hat) _Hee!Hee!_ Keep away from Meg!  
Meg: What the hell!?!  
Peter: Here Chris! Keep away!  
Chris:(catches Meg's hat) Keep away!  
Meg:(trying to get her hat back) Gimme it!  
Chris:(throws hat back at Peter) Here dad! Keep away!  
Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Keep away, Chris!  
Meg: **I HATE YOU!!!!!!**

She stomps away, angrily, while Peter & Chris played catch with Meg's hat.

"Don't be messin' wit Meg like dat." Penny sniffed. "But, it's fun!" Peter laughed. "So, you think, it's funny to tease her like dat?" Penny asked. "To call her names? Hittin' her, & makin' her, do yo' biddin', like makin' a sandwich in a flooded kitchen or tellin' her to shut up?" "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_ _Two & a half men_. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_" Peter laughed stupidly. "Oy vey!" Penny groaned. Peter ran to his window & opened it. "Hey! Oy vey, everybody! _**OY VEY!!!**_" That annoying bear kid walked by. "Hey! Keep it down, weirdo!" he sniffed. Peter was hurt. It quickly went away. "That's it! I'm kickin' his ass!!" So he quickly jumped out the window, ran towards the bear, & started beating his ass. A small crowd gathered to watch. "**60 bucks for the fat man to win!**" shouted someone. "**100 bucks, for the bear to lose!**" Joe shouted. "Okay then." Penny said as she lefted Peter's office. Little did she know, there was someone, that was eavesdropping on her conversation with Peter. The idenity of this or these people, will be revealed later.

Lazlo, Mercedes, & Patsy was already packed & ready, when Penny came back. "Well, Penny. We're ready to go." Patsy chimed. "Aight, _P_." Penny started. "Is yo' _GPS system_ workin'?" "Yep." Patsy said. "Fueled up?" Lazlo asked. "Yep." Patsy responded. "Aight, you three go ahead, I need to get my suitcase." Penny said. "Aight then." Mercedes said as she took out her keys. "Just don't take too long." So Penny went to her suitcases. "_Damn!_ This shit's heavy!" she grunted. "I must've put too much clothes in there. Well, I can sort out dat shit, when I get to _Mo-town_." Then she threw her heavy suitcases into her suv & drove off. Meanwhile, Quagmire was playing pool with Gretchen. This time she was winning. "_Ha!_ **_I'M_ WINNIN'!!!!**" she exclaimed happily. "_Dammit!_" Quagmire sniffed. "Ha! You owe _me_ some green, Quagmire!" Gretchen bragged. "_Not alright!_" Quagmire sniffed as he gave her the money. "Let me see dat green!" Gretchen sniffed as she snatched the money. "Dat's not enough!" she shouted. Then she put Quagmire in a headlock. "**GIMME DA REST OF MY MONEY, BEFORE I BREAK YO' SKINNY ASS NECK!!!**" "Alright. Alright." Quagmire exclaimed as he gave Gretchen the money. "Here you go!" "Dat's more like it!" Gretchen said, calming down a bit. "Now, time to spend it on shit like; grub, drinkin' stuff, tattoos, & bling." "What about me?" Quagmire asked. "You? You can go suck _fatty_'s fattest part of his ass, Quagmire." Gretchen sniffed & lefted. "Well, I can always go drink myself into a drunken coma." Quagmire said sadily.

It was sometime later in the day now. Well, more like late in the evening now. Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was taking a break at a restarunt & truck stop. They was eating some burgers. "So, you must be excited, _'Nette_." Mercedes said to Penny. "What?" Penny asked. "I meant, dat yo' goin' home." Mercedes explained. "Oh yeah." Penny said. "I've been wantin' some _Manhattan Fish & chicken_, _Alabama Style Chicken_, _Chicagos pizza_, & _Uptown Barbecue_ for a while." "I know, what yo' talkin' 'bout, _'Nette_." Mercedes started. "I've been, wantin'; _Barbara Ann's BBQ_, _Harold's Chicken Shacks_, _Hook Fish & Chicken_, & _Gino's East of Chicago_ for months now. _Mmm!_ Deep dished pizza. Loaded wit pepperoni, ham, & jalapenos peppers." Everybody looked at her. "What?" Mercedes asked. "Uh, you're drooling." Patsy pointed out. "_Damn!_" Mercedes sniffed as everyone laughed. "Aight." Penny said. "We must drive through tha night, to get to where we goin'." "So, what time are we gonna arrive there?" Lazlo asked. "About 11 in tha mornin' or so." answered Penny. Then she heard someone groan. "Uh, was dat you, groanin', _P_?" Penny asked Patsy. "No." Patsy replied. "Was dat you, _Benz_?" Penny asked Mercedes. "No." she answered. Everybody turned their heads. "Uh, maybe, we should leave." Lazlo whispered. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise idea." Penny said as she opened her suv door. So everyone got into their rides. Penny noticed that one of her suitcases was opened. "I thought, I zipped dat fucka closed? Well, it wouldn't hurt to close it, again." So Penny rezipped her suitcase, but why her suitcase was opened in the first place, that question will soon be answered.

It was the next day now. Lazlo, Patsy, Mercedes, & Penny was making good time. Penny noticed this. "_Damn!_ We makin' good time! We'll be in _Mo-town_, before I know it!" she exclaimed happily. Up in Patsy's suv; Patsy was watching tv. She had the suv in auto-pilot. "_Damn!_ There's nothin' good on!" she sniffed. "Might as well, go back to drivin'!" So, she turned back to the steering wheel. Just then, she passed a highway sign that said, _'Welcome to Michigan'_. "_Oooh!_ Looks like we're in Michigan now." she said. "That's good. A couple of more hours, then we'll be in Detroit. I wonder, what Lazlo's doin'?" Lazlo was listening to his radio in his truck. "I can't stand that dreaded Rush Limbaugh!" he sniffed as he turned off his radio. Then he thought of something. I wonder, what Lois' doin'?"

**_(Cutaway back to camp)_**  
Lois was washing Peter's clothes. She was folding his pants, when a piece of paper fell out of the pocket. She notices it.

Lois:(picks up the piece of paper) What's this?

She reads the paper.

Lois: _Make prank phone calls!?_ _Pin the tail on the Lois?_ That's it! I'm gonna scold him!

She stomps into Peter's office. He was watching tv. She turns it off.

Peter: _Hey!_ I was watchin' that!  
Lois:(shows him the paper) **WHAT'S THE MEANING OF _THIS_!? HUH? _PIN THE TAIL ON THE LOIS_!? I THOUGHT, YOU SAID, THAT YOU WASN'T GONNA DO THAT NO MORE?**

Peter: Uh, I lied. _Hee!Hee!Hee!_  
Lois:(rolling up her sleves now) How 'bout I play the game; _Cut the nuts off of Peter_.  
Peter: Uh,.....so you want a _Hurts Donut_? It's got chocolate.  
Lois:(rolls her eyes) _Fine!_ I must as well have something to eat, before I cripple ya. Where is it?  
Peter: It's in my right hand.  
Lois: Give it to me!  
Peter: Okay.

Then he punches Lois, right in the nose. Knocking her unconcious. The audience laughs.

Peter: Hurts? Don't it? _Hee!Hee!Hee!_  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Later, the party was at a gas station in the city of Southfield. They was taking a break. "So, are you gonna lead us for the rest of the way, Penny?" Patsy asked as she opened a bottle of soda. "Yeah, of course, _P_." Penny said as she filled up her gas tank. "So, how much longer?" Lazlo asked. "Not too much longer, _G_." Penny said. "All we need to do is; take tha 696 to tha offramp, take tha offramp to tha 75, & take tha 75 to another offramp, take tha offramp, it leads to Davidson St., take Davidson to Hamilton Ave., turn right at Hamilton go up to Oakman blvd., turn left at Oakman, keep goin' until we hit Linwood Ave., turn left at Linwood, take Linwood, until we hit Pasadena, take Pasadena until, we hit 14th & we be there. So, around another 45 minutes, or if there's traffic, an hour & a half." Then Penny took in a deep breath. "_Damn!_ Now dat was a mouth full!" "Right?" Patsy said mysteriously. "Hopefully, there won't be any traffic." "Who knows?" Lazlo said. "I'd heard, that sometimes Detroit's highways & freeways are nightmares." "Aight, enough fuckin' around, & let's go!" Penny sniffed. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." Mercedes added. So, they leave the gas station. 47 minutes later, they reached Penny's parents' home. Outside, sitting on the front pouch, was Penny's younger sister, Hilary was waiting for them. She looked, just like Penny, if you didn't already know, except she's 8. She had the same hairstyle as Penny. She was wearing a red dew rag, blue t-shirt, dark blue jeans, & black, blue, red, & white _Reeboxs_. She stood up, when she saw Penny, getting out of her suv. "_'Nette_!" Hilary called. "Hil." Penny responded. "Come over here, & help me wit these bags." "Sure." Hilary said as she took the suitcases out of Penny's suv. Mercedes walked up to her. "Hey Hil." she said as she gave Hilary a friendly slap on the back. Hilary turned to her. "Hey _Benz_. I'm glad to see you." Hilary said as she picked up Penny's suitcase. "Damn, _'Nette_. What's in these bags?" "Some clothes & shit like dat." Penny said as she went into the house, with a suitcase. Lazlo took his suitcase out of his truck & went towards Patsy. "I wonder, if they got any spare rooms?" he asked. "The last time, I'd visited, they did, dear." Patsy said. "It's a pretty fancy house. Let's go inside."

Inside, Mercedes was talking to Penny. "I forget. Where's yo' room at again, _'Nette_?" she asked. "It's upstairs, by tha bathroom, _Benz_." Penny said. Then she turned her attention to Hilary. "So, Hil. Where's tha folks?" "They in tha den." Hilary said as she entered Penny's room. "Tha den. Of course." Penny laughed. "They must be readin'." Mercedes said as she set her bag on the guest bed. Hilary set the suitcase on Penny's bed. "There." she said as she let out a sigh of relief. "Yo' bag's on yo' bed." "Thanks, _Hil_." Penny said. Then they stared at each other. "I'm likin' tha threads, Hil." "Thanks, _'Nette_." Hilary said. "Tha same to you." Penny was wearing a black vest, aqua t-shirt, black jeans, dark blue flat cap, & black & white _Reeboxs_, with blue & red trim. "So, where's _J_?" "Oh, he's playin' ball wit his homies." Hilary replied. "So, don't expect him, to be home, until later." Patsy & Lazlo came up with their suitcases. "Where our rooms at?" Patsy asked Hilary. "Yo' room is at tha end of tha hall." Hilary started. "But you two have to share tha room & bed." "That's fine with me." Lazlo said. "We don't have a problem with that, do we Patsy?" "Nope." Patsy laughed as she followed Hilary down the hall. "There you go." Hilary said as she showed them the room. "Pretty decent." Patsy said as she threw her suitcase on the floor. "Now, time to rest. All that driving, gotten me sleepy." "Me too." Lazlo said. Then he layed on the bed, & Patsy followed.

Penny & Mercedes was now opening up their suitcases now. "Boy, I can't wait, to try some of those restraunts, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "Me neither, _Benz_." Penny said. "I've been....." Then she was interrupted as something jumped out of her suitcase. "_What tha fuck?!?_" she exclaimed. That something was Stewie. "Kid? What tha hell are you doin' here?" Penny demanded angrily. "Well, platypus & I decided to go with you, _Hip hop girl_." Stewie explained. Just then, Edward jumped out of Penny's other suitcase. He had one of her bras on his head. "Yeah, Ms. Penny. We wanted to see the rest of your family." "**Gimme back my bra!**" Penny sniffed as she snatched the bra from his head. "_Oooh!_ I-I-I never knew, that your bust size was 38C, M-M-Ms. Penny." Edward stuttered. "**Fuck dat!**" Mercedes sniffed. "Now, why are yall two n(bleep)as doin' here?" "Should we explain?" Edward asked Stewie. "Yes, platypus. Let's do it in song form." Stewie said as some cheerful music started. "**Shut tha fuck up!**" Penny shouted. "Don't you start dat singin' shit here!" "Looks like, we have to feed these bastards, too." Mercedes sniffed. Penny rolled her eyes. "C'mon. I'll introduce you to everybody." Edward & Stewie screeched in excitement. "_God!_ What bastards!" Penny groaned.

Penny's mom; Diane; just lefted the den, when she saw Penny. She had shoulder length black hair, which was in a ponytail. She was wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, & white sneakers. "Annette, I'm glad to see, dat you made it." she said. "Yeah, yeah mom." Penny said. "Uh, I got a couple of g's wit me." Diane looked at Stewie & Edward. "Oh! I'm Edward." Edward said. "And, I'm Stewie." Stewie said. "Edward & Stewie?" Diane muttered. "Ain't you two, tha ones, dat always go nuts, whenever Annette's around?" "W-W-Well...." Edward & Stewie stuttered as they blushed. "Ah, they blushin'." Diane teased. "Don't feel embarassed. She gets her sexy looks from me & men can't help themselves." "That is so hot, that I can't blink!" Edward said. "M-M-Me neither." Stewie squeaked. Diane giggled a bit, then she turned her attention back to Penny. "So, did Patsy & Mercedes came along wit ya?" "Yeah. They both upstairs." Penny said. "_P_'s restin' & _Benz_'s unpackin'." "Dat's good." Diane said. "Some more of tha family's suppose to come later, Annette. So, I'm just lettin' you know." "Okay." Penny said. "So, how's pops doin'?" "He's doin' fine dear." Diane said. "Especially, these days." "Why?" Penny asked. "Because, he sold a whole lotta cars last month." "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Edward said. "Your father's sell cars?" "Well, he actually sells cars, suvs, & trucks." Penny started. "He owns several car dearlerships. Dat's how I got my ride." "I say, how, _Hip hop girl_?" Stewie asked. "He gave it to me, on my last b'day." Penny said.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny was at one of her father's car dealerships. Her father called her there. She was sitting in a comfortable leather massage chair.

Penny: I wonder, what pops wants?

Then a woman walks up to the desk. She notices Penny.

Woman: Are you Penny Smiles?  
Penny: Yes.

Woman: Your father wants me to give you this.

She hands her a small black box. Penny opens it. She was amazed at what she sees.

Penny:(amazed) I-I-It's a key!  
woman: Yes. Follow me.

So she did. The woman lead Penny to the car showroom. There was cars, trucks, & suv's to choose from.

woman: Your father, will be with you.

She leaves. Just then her father walked up to her. A older male mongoose, with a business shirt, tie, & black pants got her attention.

Darryl: So, which one, does my princess wants?  
Penny:(embarassed) Don't call me dat, in public, pops!  
Darryl: Sorry.  
Penny:(points) I want dat one. Tha _Chevrolet TrailBlazer_. Tha dark navy blue one!  
Darryl: Aight then. Come with me to my desk.

They went to his desk. After thirty minutes, Darryl turns to Penny.

Darryl: Now, the suv's yours, Penny. Happy birthday.  
Penny: Thanks, pops!  
Darryl: Yo' older sister, will add tha additional shit like, dvd players, tvs, _GPS_, & all dat in it, later. So peace out!  
Penny: _Damn!_ Thanks pops!

Then she gets into her brand new ride & drives away.  
(End flashback)

"And tha rest is, like they say; is history." Penny finished. Just then Mercedes walked up to her. "Uh, _'Nette_. What do you wanna do now?" she asked. "How 'bout, we go to my room?" Penny suggested. "Okay." Mercedes said. They go to her room. Edward & Stewie looked at Diane. "Uh, Penny told me, that you're an attorney? Am I correct?" Edward asked. "Yeah. I'm part of tha _Sanford & Smiles' attorney/rib & fried chicken joint_." Diane explained. "_When you win, **WE** win! When you lose, **WE** win! If we deliever over an hour, it's free!_" "_Oooh!_ A rib/fried chicken joint, huh?" Stewie asked. Diane nodded. "Yeah. Ask me, 'bout our afternoon special." "Okay? What's your afternoon special?" Edward asked. "I'm glad you asked!" Diane said as she took out a couple of flyers. "Tha afternoon special is; fried chicken, ribs, tips, hot links, fried porkchops, fries, & chocolate cake. This special's great along, wit tha daily marathon of _'Sanford & son'_ reruns. Startin' at 3, endin' at 8! Get a combination of tha choices, wit a large drink. We opened 7 days a week. 11:00 am to 10:00 pm Mondays-Thursdays. 11:00 am to 2:00 am Fridays & Saturdays. 11:00 am to 5:00 pm; Sundays." Diane explained. "Not opened on holidays except _Memorial day_, _4th of July_, & _Labor day_." "Nice gimmick, Ms. Smiles." Edward said. "Thank you." Diane responded. "Mind if I sit down, Ms. Smiles?" Edward asked. "Yeah, but would you rather sit in a chair?" she asked as she laughed a bit. "What are you..." Edward started, before he realized that he was about to sit on the floor. "Oh. Very funny, Ms. Smiles. Very funny." "Please." Diane said. "Call me, Diane." "Okay?" Edward muttered mysteriously as he looked at the flyer she gave him. "Sanford? I thought, Redd Foxx was dead?" "He is, but he's isn't my partner. My partner, Allan R. Sanford's a old friend from when we was back in school." Diane explained. "So, who's idea, was it to do the restarunt business?" Stewie asked. "It was both of ours." Diane said. "So, who's runnin' the restaruant, while ya'll in court?" Edward asked. "Several of tha rookie lawyers." Diane said. "Oh, so that's how they do it." Stewie muttered. "So." Diane said as she stretched. "Do ya'll wanna watch tv?" "What's on?" Stewie asked. "I dunno. Let's see." said Diane as she flipped through the channels.

It was later now. Patsy & Lazlo just woken up. "_Oh god!_" she said as she stretched. "That was some nap!" "Yep!" Lazlo stretched. "I haven't slept like that, in some time." Patsy looked at her watch. "It's 4:30 now." Lazlo turned to her. "Do you wanna see, what Penny & Mercedes are doin'?" "Yes, let's dear." Patsy said as she got up from the bed. Mercedes & Penny was watching tv, with Edward & Stewie. They was watching; _'Sanford & son'_. They was watching the episode, where Fred & Lamont go to jail.

**_(Tv cutaway)_**  
Fred & Lamont Sanford was sitting on the jailcell's bench.

Lamont: Thanks a lot, pop!  
Fred: Why are you, blamin' me for? You was tha one, who came up wit dat dumb idea!  
Lamont: Well, I wouldn't have to thought of a idea, if you did yo' work!  
Fred: Well, I wouldn't be lazy, if you let me get married!  
Lamont: Well, we wouldn't be here, if yo' finger hadn't got stuck!

_**(Lamont's flashback)**_  
Fred: **Alright! This is a robbery! Now, nobody make no move or I shoot!**  
man: _Achoo!_  
Fred: **Dat's it! I'm shootin'!**  
man: _No!_ I have a wife & kids at home!  
Fred: **Dat's too damn bad! I'M SHOOTIN'!  
**man: _No! Here!_ **Take my money!**

He gives Sanford the money.

Fred: Dat's more like it! I don't have to shoot ya now!

Fred is about to put his gun away, but his arthritis starts up in his trigger finger, & starts shooting! He shots the man.

Fred: _Oh no!_ I shot a man!  
Lamont: **POP! SEE WHAT YOU DID!**  
Fred: I know! I can't help it! It's my 'Arthuritis'!  
Lamont: **YOU & YO' DAMN ARTHRITIS!!! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE, BEFORE THA.....**

Just then the police comes, & arrests them.  
_**(End Lamont flashback)**_

Lamont: You & yo' damn arthritis!  
Fred: It's not my fault!  
cellmate:(looks at Lamont) _Mmm!_ Do you want to go steady?  
Lamont: N-No t-t-thanks. I-I-I'm straight!  
cellmate:(cross) I'm gonna git you, 'Dark Chocolate'! I'm......gonna.....git.....**YOU**!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End tv cutaway)_**

**_  
_**"_Oh damn!_ Dat Sanford's funny!" Mercedes laughed. "Yeah." Penny said as she took a drink of juice. Just then Patsy & Lazlo walked up to Penny. "Do you got anything to...." she started before she noticed Stewie & Edward. "What the hell are you two doin' here?" "They stowed away in my suitcases, _P_." Penny explained. "Yeah. Tha cheeky c(bleep)s!" Mercedes sniffed. "Yeah." Lazlo said mysteriously. "Anyway, Penny. Do you got anything to eat?" "I think so." Penny said. "I'll go check." She quickly returned. "There's nothin' but raw turkey, eggs, & other shit." "How 'bout, you take us to one of Detroit's restarunts, Ms. Penny?" Edward suggested. "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea, _hip hop girl_." Stewie added. "Aight then." Penny said as she took out her keys. Hilary ran up to her. "I wanna come, too!" "Aight, Hil." Penny said. "You can come."

Soon, they was at one of Penny's favorite places to eat, _Manhattan Fish & chicken_ & they was eating. "So, what do you wanna do, when we get done here, Penny?" Patsy asked. "I dunno, _P_." Penny replied as she got her food. "What do you wanna do?" "I dunno either." Patsy responded. So they all sit at a table & started eating. "I'd never knew, that you had a platter named after you, Penny." Patsy said to Penny. "I didn't know dat, either, _P_." Penny said as she ate a piece of chicken. "I only found dat out, after I came back last year." "Hey. Ain't there a place, dat you used to play ball, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "There used to. I don't know, if it's still there." Penny answered. "No, it ain't." Hilary said quickly. "It ain't?" Penny asked. Hilary nodded. "_Damn!_" Penny sniffed. "Is there a pool hall around here, Ms. Penny?" Edward asked. It's time for Penny to do her patented fucking with Edward bit now. "Why you asked dat? Do you wanna play pool wit me? Is dat it? Huh? Do you want me to stroke yo' cuestick? Is dat it? Huh?" Penny asked, while pretending to be pissed. "**Answer me!**" "Uh, w-w-w-well, M-M-Ms. P-P-Penny," Edward squeaked as he started sweating. "I-I-I was, just askin', i-i-if you wanted to play a friendly game of p-p-pool. That's all." "Aight. If you, want to play pool, dat's fine wit me." Penny said. "**YES!!! I FINALLY GET TO PLAY POOL WITH MS. PENNY!!!!**" Edward exclaimed happily. "So, dat teasin' thing really works, huh?" Hilary asked Penny. Penny nodded. "Damn, I wish, I can do dat!" "Don't worry, Hil." Penny started. "One of these days, yo'll have someone's mind to fuck up." "So, are you gonna stroke Edward's 'cuestick', Penny?" Lazlo laughed. "What do you mean, _G_?" Penny asked. "Are ya? Hee! Hee!" Patsy giggled. "Cuestick? What tha fuck are yall...." Penny started, before she thought what she had said. "_Oh!_ No! **NO!** Edward can stroke _his_ own cuestick!" she sniffed. "He does it at least every muthafuckin' day!" Mercedes added. Everybody laughed. "Uh, no I don't." Edward said as he blushed from embarassment. "Fun aside, let's go to dat pool hall!" Penny said as she put the rest of her famously named meal, mainly of fried fish fillets, chicken fillets, fries, & shrimp into a bag. "I wonder, what the _fat man_'s doin'?" Stewie wondered. "He better not be messin' around with my crayons. Messin' them up."

**_(Cutaway back to camp)_**  
Meg, Almondine, & Brian; who was replacing Nina, in the ass-beating, was beating the shit out of Peter & Lois.

Lois: _**OW!**_ Meg! What did I do?  
Meg: **I HATE YOU, YOU BIMBO!**  
Peter:(holding his shin) _SHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHH!! SHHHHHHHHHHHH......  
_Brian: **SHUT THE F(BLEEP)K UP!! NOW YOU GET PUNISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!**

He bites Peter's arm. Almondine picks up Lois by her neck.

Almondine: **I HATE YOU, TOO, YOU SKANK!  
**Lois: W-W-What did I do to....  
Almondine: **SHUT UP!!** Now, to bash yo' head in!!!

She picks up a club & starts beating Lois with it. Just then, Gretchen walks up.

Gretchen: Hey! What ya'll doin'?  
Almondine: None of yo' bidness, 'ho!  
Gretchen:(getting cross) What did you call me?  
Almondine: A 'ho! **A WORTHLESS, SMELLY-ASSED, UGLY 'HO!  
**Gretchen:(balling up her fists) **You wanna fight? I'LL GIVE YOU A FIGHT!**  
Almondine:(drops Lois) **OKAY!!!!!!!!!!**

Gretchen throws a punch, but Almondine ducks. Then Almondine picks up her club & whacks Gretchen in the head. Gretchen is knocked out cold.

Almondine: Cheeky slut!  
audience:(laughs & applauses)  
Almondine: Thank you! Thank you. I'll be here all week!  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Soon, they was at the pool hall now. Penny was beating Edward good! Edward didn't care a bit! He was enjoying his time with Penny. Lazlo, Patsy, & Hilary was watching. "Looks like, Edward's not even tryin'." Lazlo said. "Dat's because, he's too busy, tryin' to look at _'Nette_'s cleavage." Hilary said. "Yeah. Even Stewie's fuckin' up." Patsy added. Stewie was playing with Mercedes. He too, was throwing the game & Mercedes was beating him, too. "Oh, I say! _Fancy car girl_'s got some nice ones!!!" Stewie exclaimed. Mercedes quickly looks up. "Hey kid! Don't be lookin' up my shirt or I'll beat yo' ass, until dat football-shaped head of yo's fall off of yo' puny neck!" she sniffed. "Alright! Alright, _Fancy car girl_!" Stewie panicked. "There's no need to be cross! We cool. We cool."

It's later now. The pool hall was getting ready to close. Penny was holding a bundle of cash in her hands. "_Ha!_ Nothin' to it!" she bragged. Patsy looked at the cash in Penny's hands. "Damn, Penny. You hustled Ed pretty good!" she awed. "Yeah. Mercedes did a good job on Stewie, too!" Lazlo ponited out. Mercedes had a wad of cash in her hands. "_Ha!_ What a damn fool!" she laughed. "It _was_ worth it!" Stewie smiled. "Whatever." Mercedes sniffed. Penny looked at her watch. "It's 45 minutes after 8! Looks like, dinner's on me! So, what do yall want?" "How 'bout, we have some of dat _Uptown Barbecue_, dat you mentioned earlier in tha fic?" Mercedes suggested. "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise suggestion, _Benz_." Penny said as she took out her keys. Then she turned to Lazlo & Patsy. "Is dat fine wit yall?" "That's fine with me." Lazlo said & turned to Patsy. "How 'bout you Patsy?" "That's fine with me, too." she answered. "Aight then." Penny said.

It was almost 10, by the time they all got back to Penny's parents house. Some more relatives arrived, while they was gone. "Well. Well. Well. Look who's finally returned?" said Penny's older sister, Kelly, when she saw Penny. "Shut up!" Penny sniffed. Then her little brother, Jamal ran up to her. "_'Nette!_ How' my older blood doin'?" "I'm doin' fine, _J_." Penny said. "Just tired." "Why, you been beatin' up background punk asses, again?" Jamal asked. "No. We was out." Penny replied. "And now, we're back & I'm goin' upstairs & watch tv." "Gee, Patsy." Lazlo started. "I thought, that your mom would be here." "Don't worry, dear. She'll be here." Patsy said. "Hopefully, your dad won't come." Mercedes sniffed. "Don't worry, Mercedes. Mom always let him stay home, & look after my little brother." Patsy explained. "**THANK GOD FOR DAT!!!!!"** Mercedes praised. "You can say that again." Lazlo laughed. Mercedes then turned to Edward & Stewie. "Do yall got any place to sleep at?" she asked. "Uh, I don't think so." Edward muttered. "I say, we didn't think this plan through." Stewie said. "We've only got our sleeping bags." "Well, you guys can always sleep on tha floor." Mercedes laughed. "In tha cold basement." "_Oh, fuck!_" Edward sniffed. "Too bad, I betted in those pool games." "Ditto." Stewie muttered. "How 'bout we go ask Diane, if she'll find a place for us to sleep?" suggested Edward. "That sounds like a wise idea, platypus." Stewie said. "Let's go." So, they went off to find Diane. "What losers." Patsy sniffed. "Well, at least, we got a place to sleep, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Yeah." Patsy yawned. "God, I'm tired." "Me too." Lazlo also yawned. "I think, it's catchy." Mercedes said sleepily. "'Cause, I'm gettin' sleepy." Just then Darryl walks up to them. "Well, tha doors are locked. Mercedes, I would like for you to give Penny this." he said as he gave Mercedes an envelope. "Is it money?" Mercedes asked. "I'm not tellin'." Darryl said. "I'm hittin' dat bed." He leaves. "Well, let's go to bed, Patsy." Lazlo yawned again. "Yeah, that'll be a wise thing, dear." Patsy said sleepily.

Mercedes was about to leave for bed, when she heard a soft voice calling her. "Mercedes." the voice said. "Who tha hell's dat?" she asked. She went to where the voice came from. She then sees an older female mongoose, with red, black, & little streaks of white in her hair. She was wearing a red shirt, dark blue jeans, & black _Reeboxs_. She was sitting at a table. Her name was Tracie. "Mom?" Mercedes asked. Her mother nodded. "I'm so glad to see you!" Mercedes said. "So, where's pops?" "Oh, he's busy workin' to come wit me." Tracie said. "So, how you been?" "Fine. Just fine." Mercedes answered. "Yo' cousins; Kyla & Lela told me, dat you & Penny was in a high-speed pursuit last month." Tracie said. "Yeah, I was." Mercedes said. "I always knew, dat yo' shootin' would always come in handy!" Tracie laughed. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "Is _P_'s mom here?" "Yeah, she's upstairs in her room." Tracie said. Mercedes yawned. "You tired?" Tracie asked. "Yeah, it's been a long day." Mercedes said sleepily. "I hear ya." Tracie said as she stretched. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

Lazlo & Patsy are now getting ready for bed now. Patsy was putting on her nightgown now, & was just leaving the bathroom. "_Ah!_ That bed's gonna feel good tonight." she yawned. She was about to enter her room, when she bumped into her mother. "Patsy." Lori said. "Mom." Patsy said. "I see, that you made it." "Yeah, I had to get away from your father for a while." Lori said. "Annoyin' pain-in-the-ass." "Yeah." Patsy muttered. "I hope, he has awful time, takin' care of your little brother." Lori said. "Why?" Patsy asked. "Well, let's just say, I told your brother to act up on purpose." Lori chuckled as she winked. "Oh." Patsy laughed. "So, are you here with your boyfriend, Lazlo?" Lori asked. "Yes." Patsy said. "We're sharin' a room, but it's not what you think, mom." "Patsy, I'm not like your father at all." Lori soothed. "I'm more open. If ya'll sleep together, I don't care." Lazlo stepped out of the room. "Are you comin' to bed or not?" he asked Patsy. "Is this him?" Lori asked Patsy. "Yep." Patsy said as she pulled Lazlo towards her. Lazlo looked at Lori. "So, you're Patsy's mom, eh?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Lori replied. "I finally get to meet you." Lazlo said. "I feel the same." Lori said. "So, that where Patsy gets her sexiness & good looks from." Lazlo said. Lori & Patsy both giggled at the compliment. "Well, mom. We must hit the bed, now." Patsy yawned. "Yeah, me too." Lori yawned. " See you in the mornin'."

Penny was already in bed. She was watching tv, when Mercedes lays down on the guest bed. She still had the envelope. Penny noticed it. "What dat you got, _Benz_?" she asked. "This? This is somethin' yo' pop wanted me to give ya." Mercedes explained as she gave Penny the envelope. "I wonder, what this can be?" Penny asked as she opened up the envelope. She was amazed, at what she saw. "Six sky box tickets for tha _Detroit Pistons_ game! Wow! I've been wantin' these!" Penny awed. "Yo' pop, must've thought a lot 'bout you, to get those tickets." Mercedes said. "Yeah." Penny said as she turned off the tv. "I must thank him, first thing in tha mornin'. Good night, _Benz_." "Good night, _'Nette_." Mercedes said her final words, before falling asleep.

Lazlo & Patsy are in bed now. Lazlo was hugging her. "Did you enjoy your day, Patsy?" he asked. "I sure did, dear." Patsy replied. "Hmm? I wonder, if Edward & Stewie found themselves a place to sleep?" Lazlo wondered.

**_(Cutaway to the kitchen)_**  
Edward & Stewie was in the cabinets.

Edward: _Damn!_ It's so damn crowded in here!  
Stewie: Well, this was the only space, we can find, platypus!

Edward: Why, did you turned down Diane's suggestion, again?  
Stewie: Because, she wanted us to sleep with _Hip hop girl_'s sister. That's why.  
Edward: At least up there, there would be room to breathe.  
Stewie: We'll just make the best of this.

So they went asleep. Then Stewie rolled over, he fell out of the cabinet onto the floor, bringing Edward with him. The audience laughs.

Stewie: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!  
Edward: _Oh shit!_ **MY KNEE!!** How can things, get any worse?

A few cans lands on their heads. Knocking both of them unconcious. The audience laughs.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Who cares?" Patsy yawned. "Yeah." Lazlo said sleepily. "G'night Patsy." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said. "Sweet dreams." So Patsy turned off the light, & went happily to sleep.


	3. Thanksgiving Day

_It's now time for 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie on the road.'_

Edward: Hello readers. I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And, I'm Stewie.  
Edward: You might wondering, why we got bandages on our heads? As you remember, at the end of the last chapter, Stewie & I was sleeping in the kitchen cabinet. Stewie accidently rolled over, making the cabinet door open, making me & him fall out onto the floor.

Stewie: And, a couple of cans fell on our heads, knocking us unconcious. Yeah, that was horrible. So, are you enjoying our trip, platypus?  
Edward: I sure am, kid. At least, I get to peek at Ms. Penny's rack!  
Stewie: Yes, I got a peek of Fancy car girl's nice, firm, round jugs.  
Edward: So, what do you think of Ms. Penny's mom, kid?  
Stewie: Oh, my god! She _was_ sexy!

Edward: I know, right?  
Stewie: Yeah. Oh, it appears that in this chapter, that the Eds are suppose to appear, the _fat man_'s suppose to get drunk, & whole lot of shit, suppose's to happen. Back to you, Edward.

Edward: Thanks Stewie. Well, let's get this chapter started. I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And, I'm Stewie.  
Edward: This has been, _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie on the road'_.

Thanksgiving day

It's been a couple of days in Detroit. Penny, Mercedes, & Patsy was having a great time with their family. They was catching up on what they had missed. And Lazlo. He was just enjoying his trip. It was a cold, cloudy day in Detroit. It was Thanksgiving day. Diane, Lori, Kelly, Mercedes, Tracie, & Penny was cooking the big dinner. Lazlo, Patsy, & Hilary was watching tv. Well, sort of. They was doing more channel-surfing, then watching. "There's nothin' on!" Hilary sniffed as she pressed the channel button on the remote. "Yeah." Lazlo muttered. "Well, what do you expect? It is Thanksgiving." Patsy reminded them. "Yeah." Hilary & Lazlo said in unision. Patsy stood up. "Well, I'm gonna go see, if anybody in the kitchen, needs my help." "Can you bring me somethin' to drink, Cousin _P_?" Hilary asked. "Yeah, sure." Patsy said & turned to Lazlo. "Do you want me to get you something to eat or drink, dear?" "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Okay. I'll see what I can do." Patsy said & lefted for the kitchen. Hilary looked at Lazlo. "So, you & _P_ are goin' steady, eh?" she asked. "Yeah." Lazlo replied. "Are yall havin' sex yet?" Hilary asked as she giggled a bit. "Why are you askin' me these questions?" Lazlo asked. "Uh, I was just making conversation, _G_." Hilary admitted as she smiled nervously. "Right." Lazlo said in a Dr. Evil type voice.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen. Penny & Mercedes was cleaning the turkey, by throwing away the guts from it. "Look at all this blood & shit in here!" Mercedes exclaimed as she threw the mess in the trash. "I bet dat bird, lived a great life." Penny laughed. "By eatin' every muthafuckin' thing in sight!" "Just like, _'Fat ass Griffin'_!" laughed Mercedes. "Yeah." Penny laughed. Patsy walks up to her. "Penny, do you need my help?" she asked. "No, I don't need help, _P_." Penny said. Patsy turned to Mercedes. "Do you need help, Mercedes?" she asked. "Yeah, _P_." Mercedes started. "You can take _this_ for me." Then she throws Patsy a handful of turkey guts. "**YUCK!!!**" Patsy exclaimed. "What the hell's wrong with you!?" Mercedes laughs. Patsy went over to the mothers, who was fixing the, dare I say it? The fixings. "Do yall need my help?" she asked. "No." Diane said. "Nope." Tracie said. "No thank you, Patsy dear." Lori finished. "Alrighty then." Patsy said as she went to the refridgerator to get some snacks & drinks. Soon, she went back to where Hilary & Lazlo was. "Here ya go. Your snacks & drinks." she said bitterly. "Are you okay, Patsy?" Lazlo asked. "You seem upset." "Mercedes threw some turkey guts at me as a joke." Patsy sniffed as she sat down. "That wasn't very funny." Lazlo muttered. "I think it is!" Hilary laughed. Patsy shot her an evil look. "S-Sorry, cousin _P_." Hilary said sheepishly. "This must Lois must've felt, when _fat ass_ threw some garbage on her." Patsy sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Lois was outside of the Griffin home. She was laying in a hammock, reading a book. She was also drinking some lemonade & eating a chicken salad sandwich.

Lois: _Ah!_ There's nothing like relaxing on a peaceful day. The skies are blue, there isn't a cloud in the sky. Nothing _can't_ go wrong!

Unfortunately, she spoke to soon. Peter just came out of the house. He had the trash can, it was filled with trash.

Peter: Time to play a trick on Lois! _Hee!Hee!_

He sneaks behind Lois. Lois notices him.

Lois: _Peter!_ What are you doin'?  
Peter: Uh, I was just takin' your used napkin, Lois. That's all. I'm not doin' anything illegal like, throwin' trash on your head.  
Lois: What?  
Peter: Shhh! Just rest, crazy lady.

So Lois lays back down. Peter lifts up the trash can & pour the offending trash heap onto Lois! He laughs.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ You got garbage all over you! _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ How's it hangin', smelly? _Hee!Hee!Hee!_  
Lois: **PETER!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU!!!!!**

She then picks up a handy brick & throws it at him. Hitting him on the nose.

Peter: _Ow!_ My nose! My nose! What the hell you do that for?  
Lois: The same reason, you'd dumped garbage over me!  
Peter: So, you can get someone mad at ya?  
Lois: Yeah!

Peter then hangs his head down.

Peter: I've been bad. I deserved a spankin'!

Then he bends over, so Lois can spank him. But she just stood there.

Lois:(with her arms crossed) I'm not gonna spank you.  
Peter: But, I was bad, Lois! I deserve _some_ type of punishment!

It cutsaway to Peter changing Stewie's diaper. Stewie was making it harder on Peter, of course.

Stewie: One, two, three, **FIRE!**  
Peter: Ah!

If you didn't know what happened, I'll tell you anyway. Stewie pees on Peter. The audience laughs.

Stewie: I'm _such_ a bad ass!  
Peter: Maybe, next time, I should think, before I play a trick on somebody.  
Stewie: You won't remember that. Trust me.  
**_(End flashback)_**

"What an ass!" Lazlo laughed. "He soon forgot that, when he hit Meg in the head, that evening." "Yeah." Patsy yawned. Just then, Penny came into the scene. "Hil. Can you go to tha store & get some BBQ sauce?" she asked Hilary. "Yeah, _'Nette_." Hilary said, grabbing her jacket. "You want tha good stuff?" "Yeah." Penny replied. "Can I go with you?" Patsy asked Hilary. "Only, if it's alright, wit _'Nette_." Hilary said. Patsy glanced over to Penny. Penny nodded. "Alright, let's go." Patsy said as she took out her keys. So they leave. Lazlo was by himself now. "Well, I guess, I can always go read the local paper." he said as he got up to get the paper. Unfortuantely, Edward was reading the newspaper, when Lazlo came to the table to get it. "What the hell?!?" Lazlo exclaimed. Edward looks up at him. "What do you want, _Lazlo_?" the platypus asked rudely. "I just wanted the paper." muttered Lazlo. "That's too damn bad! I'm readin' it!" Edward sniffed. "And because, you'd interrupted me. I'm gonna read it slower, just to piss you off!" "What!?" Lazlo exclaimed. "Yep. I'm gonna read it nice & slow." Edward said slowly, just to irritate Lazlo. "**Dammit!**" Lazlo shouted. Just then, Mercedes walks into the scene now. "Hey, _G_. What's wit all tha cussin'?" she asked him. "Edward's got the newspaper." Lazlo sniffed. "And, he says that he's gonna read it slowly!!!" "Yep! That's right." Edward smiled. "I'm gonna read it slowly." "See?" Lazlo said to Mercedes. "Why don't you watch tv?" Mercedes asked. "There's nothin' good on." Lazlo sniffed. "Well, you can come chill in tha kitchen wit me & _'Nette_?" Mercedes suggested. Lazlo thought about it and finally came up with a decision. "That sounds great, Mercedes. I would love to." Lazlo said. "Aight then." Mercedes said. "We got tha radio on & shit." "So, does the music make it easier for you guys to cook?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "Dat's tha only reason, dat we reject yo' woman." "Why?" Lazlo asked. "'Cause, we didn't want her in there, fuckin' up our groove, _G_." Mercedes laughed. "Oh. That's the reason." Lazlo muttered. "C'mon, let's go." Mercedes said. So, they both left for the kitchen. Edward, who was still reading the newspaper slowly, turned the page. "I'm turnin' the page, very slowly, Lazlo." he said as he looked up to see if Lazlo was still standing there sulking. "Hey! Where did he go?" Edward asked. He looks to see Lazlo & Mercedes going into the kitchen. He hears music playing in there. "He's goin' with Mercedes! _Dammit!_ That should've been me!" Edward sniffed. "Since, I got the damn paper, might as well continue readin'!"

At the store, Patsy & Hilary were shopping for the BBQ sauce & other items, that at the last minute, they added. "So, what type of bbq sauce are we lookin' for?" Patsy asked. "Anything, dat tastes good, like _Open Pit_." Hilary said as she put some bags of bbq flavored _Fritos_ into the cart. "Alrighty then." Patsy said as she put some _Cheetos_ into the cart. Then they gone to the aisle, where the barbeque sauce was. "There's tha sauce." Hilary said. "Fine. You go ahead & get it, _Hil_." Patsy said. So Hilary went to get the sauce. She was back in a flash. "Damn, Hilary. That was fast!" Patsy exclaimed. "Did you forget, dat I can sprint fast, cousin _P_?" Hilary asked Patsy. "Oh yeah. I forgot." Patsy laughed nervously. "So, do we got everything?" "Yeah." Hilary said. "Let's get back quickly!" "Why?" Patsy asked. "Because, all of tha males are gonna watch football for tha rest of tha day." Hilary explained. "And I would at least try to find somethin' on tha tv." "Oh, so that's it." Patsy said. "So, let's go."

Meanwhile, Lazlo was enjoying his time with Mercedes, Penny, & the others. Everything was cooking now, except the turkey. "Well, everything's cookin', except tha bird." Diane said. "I hope, Patsy hurries up soon." Lori muttered. "I want to at least rest up, before dinner." "Yeah." Tracie added. "I'm wore out!" Kelly finished. "Well, we can always leave tha kitchen, until Patsy & Hilary comes back." Diane suggested. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." Tracie finished. So they leave, leaving Lazlo, Mercedes & Penny alone. "So, what do ya'll wanna do now?" Lazlo asked them. "Well, me & _Benz_ still have to cook tha bird." Penny reminded him. "Yeah, and inject tha bbq sauce into it." Mercedes finished. "Then will you guys be ready to do somethin' else?" Lazlo asked. "Probably." Penny said. Just then, Hilary & Patsy came into the scene. "We're finally back." Hilary said as she gave Penny the shopping bag. "We got tha sauce." "Took ya'll long enough." Penny sniffed as she opened up the _Open pit_ & put the flavor injector into it. "I thought, we never get back." Patsy yawned as she sat at the kitchen table. "Fuckin' bums!" "You know, Patsy. Most of those are crackheads & the like?" Lazlo asked as he sat down next to her. "Yeah, I know, dear." Patsy muttered. "I know." "Shouldn't they all be at tha rescue mission or some shit?" Hilary asked, adding into the conversation. "Gettin' some grub or a place to dry out?" "Probably." Penny answered as she put the flavor injector into the turkey. "Hey Penny. I wonder, if that former Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick's enjoyin' his thanksgiving?" Patsy laughed.

**_(Cutaway to Wayne County jail)_**  
Kilpatrick's in line with the rest of the inmates. They was getting their Thanksgiving dinner. The dinner looked disgusting indeed. Anyway, the cook put the processed turkey on his tray. Then the watery mashed potatoes, puke-green gravy, dressing, yams, & last years' pumpkin pie.

Kilpatrick: I bet, the homeless are eatin' better, than I am!

It cutsaway to one of Detroit's homeless center. The residents are being served by fancy dressed waiters, butlers, & maids. With classical music playing in the background.

Resident: Hoo-wee! I must died, & went to heaven!  
Resident#2: I ain't never leavin'!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Probably, _P_." Penny laughed. "He's probably, bein' served wit a silver platter." Hilary laughed. "By a waiter. In his private cell. Away from tha killers. Drinkin' fancy wine." "Yep. That's sounds about right." Lazlo said. Mercedes then put the turkey in the oven. "There." she said as she dusted herself off. "Dat bastard will be done in three hours." Penny looked at her watch. "It's time for my favorite movies!" she exclaimed. "What are they?" Patsy asked. "_Friday_,_ Friday after next_, & _DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!_" Penny explained. "Uh, _'Nette_. How are you gonna watch those movies, when pops, _J_, dat platypus dude & everybody else is watchin' football?" Mercedes asked. "I got cable upstairs." Penny said rather annoyed by Mercedes. "Did you forget dat?" "Uh, I guess, I did." Mercedes laughed nervously. Everyone groaned at her unfunny joke. "Anyway." Penny started. "I'm goin' upstairs." "I'm gonna go see what_ J_'s doin'." Hilary said & lefted. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "You know, I haven't seen Stewie all morning." he said. "I wonder, what he's doin'?" "He's probably with Ed, dear." Patsy said. "You know, how those bastards are." "Yeah." Lazlo muttered. "Silly bastards! So, what do you want to do, Patsy?" "I don't know, dear." Patsy replied. "Wanna try & see, what we can watch on tv?" "Yeah, sure whatever." Lazlo said.

A little bit later. Diane went to check on the food. "Looks like, everything's done." she said as she turned off the oven & stove. "Now, to get tha turkey outta tha oven." After she done that, she went set out the plates. Everyone was watching tv. Diane went to Jamal. "Can you go get yo' cousins & sister?" she asked him. "Yeah, whatever." Jamal said as he stood up. Penny & Mercedes was watching tv, when Jamal came up there to get them. "Hey ya'll, tha food's ready." he said & lefted. "Time to go eat, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she stood up. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise idea." Penny said as she went to Lazlo's & Patsy's room. "Hey, _P_ & _Laz._ It's time to go eat." Patsy & Lazlo was laying in their bed, watching tv. Patsy sat up & yawned. "Finally. I thought, I was about to fall asleep." "Me too." Lazlo added as he stood up. "Let's go."

Everybody's gathering at the dining room. There was two tables. One for the adults, & ones for the kids & others. Anyway, Patsy & Lazlo sat next to Penny. Of course, Edward was cross. "Hey hippie! I want to sit next to Ms. Penny!" he sniffed rudely to Lazlo. "What do you mean?" Lazlo asked. "There's a empty seat, sittin' next to Penny." "I want to sit, in the seat, that _you're_ in!" Edward shouted. "It's suppose to be me, Ms. Penny, & Stewie." "Whoa! What do you mean, by dat shit?" Penny asked him. "Do ya'll want me to fuck wit ya'll minds? Huh? Is dat it!? _**Huh!!!?**_" "Uh, never mind." Edward muttered as he saw Mercedes on the other side of Penny. "At least, I get to sit next to _fancy car girl_!" Stewie exclaimed. "Yeah, whatever." Edward sniffed as he sat on the other side of Stewie. "Who's gonna get first dibs on tha food?" Penny asked. Kelly heard her. "I should get tha first dibs, 'cause I'm tha oldest." she bragged. "No, I should. I'm better than you!" Penny sniffed. "Aight, shut up!" Diane sniffed. "I think, Lori, Tracie, & I should get tha first dibs. Since we was tha ones, dat prepared most of it." "Sure, whatever." Darryl sniffed. "Just hurry up & start slicin'! I want to get back to tha game!" So, the ladies got their dibs first, then started serving everybody. Of course, the mothers gave their offsprings the most. "I say, look all that food on your plate, _fancy car girl_!" Stewie awed. "Are you gonna eat all that?" "I have to." Mercedes muttered. "Damn, _Benz_. Yo' gonna be fatter than a fat ass, in tha winter time." Hilary laughed. "Speaking of fat ass. I wonder, what _fattie Griffin_'s up to?" Patsy wondered.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe, Eddy, Ed, Chris, Brian, & some of the campers were watching football on tv. Of course, Peter was into the game.

Peter: _Yeah!_ **TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!** _The Patriots_ rule!  
Eddy:(takes money from Joe) _Ha!_ **GIMME MY CASH!**  
Joe: **DAMMIT! I SHOULDN'T HAD BETTED!**  
Quagmire: Me neither!! How many more times, do I have to make a bet in this fic? How many _more_ times!  
Cleveland: Probably, a million more times.  
Ed: I'm starvin', Eddy!  
Eddy: Well, go eat somethin' then, asshole!  
Chris: But, watch out for the evil monkey!

Everyone looked at him.

Chris: What?  
Eddy: Go take your fat ass for a long walk on a short pier. That'll be a wise thing!

Chris: Okay!

He runs out of the scene.

Eddy: What a douche!

Meanwhile, Ed was in the kitchen. Double D, Meg, Lois, Sarah, & Nazz was cooking the dinner. Well, Double D, Meg, Lois, & Sarah was anyway. Nazz was sitting there, reading a dirty magazine. Double D noticed him.

Edd: _Ed!_ What is that's holy are you doin'?  
Ed: I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. Can I have some of that _chicken_?  
Edd: My dear Ed. It's a turkey.

Everybody looked at him.

Edd: What?  
Meg: Did you say 'My dear Ed'?  
Edd: Yes. What's wrong with that?  
Lois: It sounds kinda gay.  
Ed: Can I have some food, now?  
Sarah: **HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

She gives Ed a fried fish sandwich, chips, & a _Pepsi_. He gulps all of it down.

Lois: Well, the food's done. Let's all go watch tv, while it cools off.

So everyone, except Ed & Nazz lefted the kitchen. Nazz was still looking at her dirty magazine, to notice. Ed's stomach rumbled.

Ed: I'm _still_ hungry!

He looks at the thanksgiving fixings, cooling off. The smell of the turkey or chicken Ed called it, gotten to Ed's nose. He inhales it.

Ed:(inhales) **OH GOD! THAT SMELLS GOOD!!! ED, MUST EAT CHICKEN & THE FIXINGS!**  
Nazz:(looks up from magazine) What did you say, dude?  
Ed:(notices Nazz) I said, **ED MUST EAT CHICKEN & THE FIXINGS!**  
Nazz: Oh.

She goes back to her magazine. Ed goes to the fixings & starts eating.

Ed:(chewing) **OH GOD! _THAT'S_ GOOD!!!!!!**

He keeps eating, until there's nothing left, but empty pans, plates, & bones.

Ed: _Ah!_ Now, I'm full!!

Just then, Double D & Sarah came to check to see if the food had cooled.

Edd: Okay, let's check the....

He notices the empty pans, plates, & Ed with a full stomach, sleeping.

Edd: **Good lord, man!**

Sarah: What's wrong, Double.....**Ed!**  
Ed:(waking up, startled) What? Who?  
Sarah: **You ate all of special dinner!!!!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!**

She beats him to a pulp. The audience laughs. Then Sarah set her sights on Nazz.

Sarah: **You! Bimbo!** Why didn't you say anythin' to stop his ass?  
Nazz: I didn't know, he was here.  
Sarah: **THAT'S A DAMN LIE, & _YOU_ KNOW IT!!!!!**

She grabbed Nazz by her neck & starts fighting. Eddy comes into the kitchen.

Eddy: Double D. I was wonderin', when....

He notices the cat fight.

Eddy:(eyes wide) **A CATFIGHT!!!!!!**

He calls out.

Eddy: **HEY EVERYONE!!!! THERE'S A CATFIGHT IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!**

So all of the people who was all male by the way, ran into the kitchen. They were hooting & hollering. Double D just nodded his head in disbelief.

Edd: Oh god!  
Eddy: What's the matter, _sockhead_?  
Edd: Looks like, I have to recook everything.  
Eddy: Who cares? I'm gonna _make_ a profit from this!!

He then stands on a table.

Eddy: **SEE THE BITCHES FIGHT, FOR FIVE DOLLARS!**  
Peter:(slams his money down on the table) It's worth every dollar!!

So everyone threw the money at Eddy, while Sarah continued beat the daylights outta Nazz.  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Who knows? _Q_'s probably fuckin' up tha bird again." Penny sniffed as she ate her stuffing & turkey. "Yeah." Patsy said. "And _greasy_'s probably gettin' drunk again." "Yeah." Lazlo said. Edward stood up. "Who's fuckin' who?" "I bet, dat Ed n(bleep)a's screwin' somethin' up." Penny laughed. "Yeah." Mercedes said as she ate some turkey. "What?" Patsy asked. "Who's down there?" Hilary asked. "Dat punk midget, Eddy's probably, doin' some stupid scam." Mercedes laughed. "What did Mercedes say, Patsy?" Lazlo asked her. "I think she said somethin' about a midget." Patsy guessed. "Oh." Lazlo muttered. "Who's gay?" Edward asked Stewie. "I think, Brian is." Stewie replied. "I think, that's what she said?" "Who died?" Patsy asked Penny. "I think, _fat ass_ died, because he was chokin' on his food, _P_." Penny said. "_That's great!_" Patsy exclaimed. "What?" Lazlo asked. "_Tubby Griffin_ died." Patsy said. "Oh, that's too bad." Lazlo muttered. "I'm not too surprised. Just look at him! He's a big as a house." "Who's talkin'?" Jamal asked. After 30 more minutes of this, they got up to clear their plates. Mercedes was talking to Patsy. "Hey, _P_. Did you hear, dat dumb Lois got arrested, for humpin' a gay dude & a midget?" "Oh. That's too bad." Patsy murmured. "I was just startin' to know her, too." "What was dat?" Mercedes asked. "I didn't say anything." Patsy lied.

A bit later, everyone was resting now. "Oh damn. Dat shit's was good." Penny burped. Diane heard her. "What was dat, young lady?" "I said, dat shit was good." Penny repeated. "Oh." Diane said. Lazlo was cleaning his teeth with a toothpick. "Man, that dinner was delious, uh, Mrs. Smiles, Miss. Smiles, & uh, Ms. Smiles-Jackson." he said to Diane, Lori, & Tracie. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Diane said. "So, am I, sweetie." Lori said. "Did you call me, 'sweetie'?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah." Lori replied. "You don't have a problem with that do you?" "No, I don't." Lazlo laughed nervously. "_Damn!_ I haven't been this full, since the time, I ate those burgers." Patsy burped as she cleaned her pearly whites with a toothpick.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Patsy was eating some cheeseburgers. These burgers was huge as Peter's fat. Anyway, Patsy was eating these burgers.

Patsy: _Oh god!_ These burgers are _too_ damn huge!

Also, she was in a contest, by the way. Lazlo & Penny was cheering for her.

Lazlo: Go Patsy!! You can do it!  
Penny: Yeah, _P_! Win all dat cash!!!!

So Patsy kept eating, until she was ready to explode. Literally!

Patsy: _Oh shit!_ I-I-I can't do it no more! I-I-I'm gonna explode!!

Just then, the waiter came up to her.

Waiter: Ms.? Since, you're the only one, ever to eat as much of these big-ass burgers. We're gonna let you have the prize money anyway.  
Patsy: Really?  
Waiter: Really.

Then the waiter set the money in front of Patsy. Patsy tried to reach it, but she couldn't, because she was fat & full as a tick.

Patsy: I can't reach it! Can you get the cash for me, Lazlo dear?  
Lazlo: Sure I can, Patsy.

He picks up her prize money.

Lazlo: Got it!  
Patsy: Okay. Let's go.

She turns to Penny.

Patsy: Uh, can you help me, Penny?  
Penny: Sure, _P_.

She picks Patsy up, since Patsy couldn't walk on her own.

Penny: Do you want me to drive?  
Patsy: No. Lazlo'll drive. Just put me in the back of my suv.

Penny: Aight then, _P_.

So she put her in the back seat of her suv & Lazlo started up the suv & drove off.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"You was heavy as hell, _P_!" Penny laughed as she looked at the _Detroit Pistons_ sky box tickets that her dad gave her. "You know what? These sky box tickets are good tomorrow night." "They are?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." answered Penny. "So, when are we gonna leave for camp?" Lazlo asked Penny. "Saturday." Penny said. "So, enjoy tha rest of tha time here." "That's fine with me." Lazlo said as he yawned. Edward & Stewie walks into the scene now. "I say, that was, dare I say it? Finger-lickin' good!" Stewie exclaimed. "You can say that again." Edward said as he sat next to Penny. He noticed the sky box tickets. "Uh, what's that? Ms. Penny?" "These are sky box tickets for tha _Detroit Pistons_ game tomorrow night." Penny explained. "Oh." Edward muttered. "Are one of the tickets mine's & Stewie's?" "Why you asked dat?" Penny asked, doing her teasing bit. "Did you forget to bring yo' wallet? Are you poor?" "Y-Yes, M-M-Ms. Penny." Edward stuttered. Penny rolled her eyes. "_For tha love of god!_ Aight! Yall two can have those two tickets!!" Edward & Stewie screeched. "**THANK YOU, MS. PENNY!!!!!**" Edward exclaimed as he kissed Penny right square in the mouth. Everyone gasped. "Oh no _he_ didn't!" Patsy exclaimed. "Oh yes _he_ did!" Lazlo said. "_Oh snap!_" Mercedes exclaimed. "Dat n(bleep)a kissed you, _'Nette_!" Penny turned to him. "Did.....Did you just k-k-kissed me?" she stuttered. "I-I-I didn't mean to, Ms. Penny!" Edward cried. "Excuse me." Penny said as she went away to her room. Everybody looked at Edward. "What?" he asked. There was silence, until Stewie spoked. "I say, that _was_ awesome! You finally got her!" "Yeah, I know!" Edward said happily. Mercedes stood up. "I think, I'll go see, how _'Nette_'s doin'. Dat'll be a wise thing." Patsy looked at Edward. "_God! _You're a stupid bastard!" she sniffed.

Penny was in her room. She was laying in her bed, when Mercedes came in. "Are you aight, _'Nette_?" she asked Penny. "Yeah, _Benz_." Penny said. "You didn't expect him to do dat. Didn't ya?" Mercedes asked. "No." Penny said. Just then, Hilary came to her. "Hey, _'Nette_. Ain't you gonna beat tha fuck outta him?" she asked. "No, I ain't gonna do dat, Hil." Penny said. "_What!?!_" Hilary exclaimed. "_Why!?!_" "I just can't!" Penny shouted. "I hope, ya'll don't think any less of me." "No." Mercedes said. "I certainly won't." Hilary added. Just then, Edward walks into the scene. "Oh, there you is, Ms. Penny. I'm sorry, for doin' that to ya." "Whatever. Fuck off." Penny sniffed as she pushed him away. "No wait, Ms. Penny! I'll make you feel better!" Edward cried. Penny turned to him. "How?" she asked. "I'll let you get one revenge shot at me." Edward said. "Really?" Penny asked. "Really." Edward said. Just to make sure, Edward wasn't lying, Penny balled her fist & aimed towards him, like she was gonna hit him. Edward flinched. "_Ah!_" he yelled. "I think, I could get used to this!" Penny said, feeling better.

A little bit later, Patsy & Lazlo was in their room watching tv. They were watching, _Beavis & Butthead._ They was watching the episode, were Beavis get stabbed in the eye "**_OH SHIT!_**" Beavis cried from the tv. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Patsy laughed. "That _Asshead_'s so damn stupid!" "Yeah, he is a stupid c(bleep)t, isn't he?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah." Patsy laughed as she sat up. "Do you want some sweets?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. So, Patsy went to the kitchen to get something sweet to eat. Lazlo sighed. "Ha! What a bastard that Butthead is!" Just then, Hilary came into the room. She had a book. "Hey _Laz_. Have you seen, _Cousin_ _P_?" "She went to get us somethin' sweet to eat, Hilary." Lazlo replied. "What do you want?" "I'd just wanted to give back her book, _'How to fuck with midgets named Eddy'_." Hilary explained as she showed Lazlo the book. "I see." Lazlo said in a Dr. Evil type of voice. Just then Patsy came back. She was carrying two saucers of cherry pie. Hilary noticed her. "Hey _Cousin P_. Here's yo' book." "Oh, thank you, Hil." Patsy said as she took the book from her. "Did you enjoy it?" "Yeah. Hopefully, I don't get to meet someone like dat. If I do, I'll fuck his ass up!" Hilary laughed & lefted. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "I see, you got some pie, huh?" Lazlo asked. "Yep." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo his saucer. "Do you have something to drink also?" "Yeah, I got some bottles of pop in my back pocket." Patsy said as she took her bottle from her back pocket. "Can I get mine's?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, sure, honey." Patsy said sweetly as she bend in front of Lazlo. So, Lazlo tried to grab his soda, but Patsy moved her behind. She laughed. Then Lazlo tried again, but she moved her behind again. "Alright. Alright. Enough foolin' around. Here's your pop, dear." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo his drink. "You know what, Patsy? This kinds of remind me of _scoutmaster fatty_." Lazlo said. "How dear?" Patsy asked. "I don't know." Lazlo admitted. "It just do. Speakin' of which. I wonder, what's he doin'?"

**_(Cutaway)_**  
Peter & everyone was in the lodge, getting drunk.

Peter: Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm so, loaded! Ha! Ha!  
Eddy: Shut up! I-I-I'm so tired of your, your fat ass!  
Peter:(getting cross) What did you say, _Mini-Me_?  
Eddy: **_Mini-me!?_** Who you callin' _'Mini-me'_, bitch?  
Peter:(standing up now) You wanna fight?  
Eddy:(standing up too) _**YEAH!**_  
Peter: **ALRIGHT THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Then they both swing at each other, drunkily. They both miss & fall onto the floor.

Peter: _Damn!_ You hit good, _Mini-me_. You hit good.  
Eddy: You hit good, too. _Lardy_. You too.

Just then, Double D & Ed came into the room.

Edd: What's going on here.  
Ed: _**LOOKS FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Then he grabs a opened can of beer.

Ed:(don't see the label) **SODA!**  
Edd: Don't drink that! It's beer!

It was too late. Ed drunk it.

Ed: _Mmmmm!_ This is good! I should try _some_ more!!!!!!!

He then, grabs all of the cases of beer & stuff them in his mouth. He got drunk pretty quick.

Ed:(drunk) **OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M KING OF THE.....................**

Then he passes out. The audience laughs.

Edd: What a bastard!

He leaves. It cuts back to Eddy & Peter.

Peter: What was all that about, _Mini-Me_?  
Eddy: Don't call me, _Mini-Me_, uh, fat ass.  
Peter: Okay, _Mini-me_.  
audience:(laughs)  
Eddy: **Oh, for the love of god!  
**audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"I don't know. _Fatty_'s probably gettin' drunk, again." Patsy laughed. "Yeah, what an ass!" Lazlo laughed as he ate some of his pie. "_Oh god!_ This sure is a delicious pie! I wonder who made it?" "Me & my mom." Patsy said. "When did you guys made this?" Lazlo asked. "I thought, the others didn't need your help." "We made it, before everyone woke up, this morning." Patsy explained. "Oh, so that's how you did it." Lazlo said. Meanwhile, Penny was talking to Kelly. Well, Kelly was doing all of the talking. "So, dat bastard kissed ya. Did you enjoyed dat, _'Nette_?" she asked in a teasing sort of way. Penny gave her older sister an evil look. "No, _K_. I hated dat!" she sniffed. "Besides, he's a bastard! He & dat kid always treat me like a piece of fuckin' meat!" "I know, how you feel, _'Nette_." Kelly muttered. "Tha same thing happened to me, when I was yo' age." "Yeah right." Penny sniffed. "Really!" Kelly said. "So, what happened to dat dude, dat did dat to ya?" Penny asked. "Well, let's just say, dat he's a lil' _shorter_ these days." Kelly laughed as she winked. "_Oh!_ What a prick!" Penny laughed. "Yeah." Kelly laughed. Then she looked at the time. "Time for me to go to bed, _'Nette_. I'm gettin' sleepy." "Aight then, _K_." Penny said. "G'night!"

It was almost 11:30 now. Almost everyone was asleep, except Mercedes, Penny, Lazlo, & Patsy. Mercedes & Penny was getting ready for bed. "_Oh god!_ Dat was some pie wasn't it _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked as she got into her bed. "It sure was. It's a good thing, I stole dat last piece from dat Edward n(bleep)a!" Penny laughed. "It serves him right, for what he did to you earlier." Mercedes laughed. "Yeah." Penny yawned as she drunk a glass of water. "Well, G'night, _Benz_." "G'night, _'Nette_." Mercedes said sleepily. "See you in tha mornin'." Then she turned off the lights. Patsy & Lazlo was in bed now. "I wonder, if Penny's gonna get her revenge on Edward?" Lazlo wondered. "Didn't I tell you. That Edward's gonna let Penny give him one revenge shot." Patsy explained. "Really?" Lazlo asked astounded. Patsy nodded. "Oh, this is goin' to be good!" Lazlo laughed. "I hope, she's not gonna tell him, when it's coming?" "No. That what makes it a surprise." Patsy said as she put herself under the covers. "By the way she enjoys teasin' him, & shit. I bet she's gonna keep Edward in limbo for the rest of his life!" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah!" Patsy laughed. Lazlo then yawned. "Enough of this. I'm tired." "Me too." Patsy yawned. "Well, g'night, Patsy." Lazlo said sleepily. "G'night, Lazlo dear." Patsy whispered. "See you first thing in the morning." So they kissed each other, & Patsy turned off the light & went happily asleep.


	4. Black FridayWhite Fridayaka game night

Black Friday/White Friday(aka Game Night)

It was the day after Thanksgiving, also known as _'Black Friday'_. It was the official start of the holiday shopping season. There were traffic jams on the streets leading to the stores. There was also lines outside of stores, shopping centers, & Malls. Luckily, our six main characters of this fic doesn't have to worry about shopping, until later in the fic. Anyway, it was a cold morning in Detroit. Most of Penny's, Mercedes', & Patsy's relatives started packing up & leaving. Most of them, had to go back to work. Patsy woke up, to see Lazlo watching tv. "Good morning, _Lazzzlo_ dear." she said in a sexy voice. "Good morning, Patsy dear." Lazlo greeted back. "I see, that you're watchin' the morning news." Patsy said as she sat up. "Yep." Lazlo said. "They're talkin' about people, who actually shop on _'Black Friday'_! What saps!" "Yeah." Patsy laughed. "Well, time to get dressed." Soon after doing their morning routine, Patsy & Lazlo was both dressed. "I wonder, if Penny & Mercedes up, yet?" Patsy wondered. Lazlo looked at the room's clock. It was 7:15. "It's only 15 minutes after 7, Patsy. I doubt they're up yet?" "I wonder, if the Eds are up yet?" Patsy wondered as she sat on the bed.

**_(Cutaway back to camp)_**  
The Eds was up in their cabin. Well, Ed & Double D was. Eddy was still sleeping. Ed was loudly eating his breakfast. He was slurping his juice & munching on this buttered toast & bacon. Double D was trying to reading the paper, but Ed's crunching & slurping kept him from it.

Edd: _Ed!_ Can you nourish yourself like a normal human being?  
Ed:(stops eating) What?  
Edd:(rolls his eyes) Oh, for the love of god!  
Ed:(goes back to eating) _**Hip hop hooray!**_

All of Ed's eating finally woke up Eddy. He was cross, of course.

Eddy: **ED!!!!**

Ed:(turns to Eddy) Good mornin', Eddy! Do you want a Sausage, Bacon, Egg, & cheese sandwich? Or even buttered toast?  
Eddy: _Oooh!_ You! Might as well, since your ass woke _me_ up!!!

So Eddy gets into his uniform, & is served by Ed. Ed gives him a half-eaten breakfast sandwich. Eddy looked at it in disgust.

Eddy: Is that it?  
Ed: Yeah! Want it?  
Eddy: Get that shit away from me, Ed!

Ed: Well, more for me then!

Then Ed goes back to slurping & crunching on his breakfast. Double D & Eddy looked at Ed at disgust.

Edd: _Ed!_ I can't concentrate on the paper!  
Eddy: Yeah, I can't even think, with all that noise! It sounds like feedin' time for fattie!

audience:_(laughs)_  
Edd: Can you hear yourself, when you nourish?  
Ed: No. This is an operation, between my mouth & my stomach, Double D! It keeps my stomach people happy!  
Edd:(rolled his eyes) _God!_ What an ass!

Eddy then looks around.

Eddy: Hey, Double D. Where's Nazz & your broad?  
Edd: If you mean, Sarah. They're out. Shopping.  
Eddy: Oh, yeah! I forgot, today's _'Black Friday'_. I hope, Nazz buy me somethin' worthy, like a, brand new watch!  
Ed: Why do they call it, _'Black Friday'_, Double D?  
Edd: I'm glad, that you asked me that, Ed! I'll explain it.

Then he takes out a projector, a ruler, a pie graph, & anything else that was boring. Ed & Eddy knew, that this was going to be boring. So, Eddy took out his laptop & Ed took out his comic books.

Edd:(not noticing the other two Eds' action) And, if the consumer by this, then the store's profit goes up,....  
Eddy: _Ha!_ Just look at that, Ed. Coffee's bad for you.  
Ed: Oh, what a pity! So, how 'bout them _Celtics_?  
Eddy: They're a pretty good team. I hope, they can pull it off again, this year.  
audience:_(laughs)_  
**_(End cutaway)_**

"Double D's probably explainin' somethin' boring." Lazlo laughed. "Yeah. That midget & dumb ass are probably, bored to death!" Patsy laughed. "Yeah." Lazlo laughed. Just then, Penny came into their room. "Mornin' _P_. Mornin' _Laz_. I see dat ya'll up." "Yeah, we are." Lazlo said. "We were just talkin', not that other thing, you're thinkin', Penny." said Patsy. "Whatever." Penny said. "So, what do you want?" Patsy asked. "I came in here, to ask ya'll, if you want somethin' to eat." Penny explained. "Yeah." Patsy said as she followed Penny. Soon, they was at the kitchen table. Most of the relatives, that was still there, was eating everything up. The ladies, that cooked the dinner yesterday was cooking the breakfast. Anyway, Penny, Lazlo, & Patsy sat next to Jamal & Hilary. They were slurping & make a bunch of eating noise. "Hopefully, they saved some for us." Patsy muttered. "I doubt that." Lazlo muttered. Stewie & Edward was sitting on the other side of the twins. Stewie was reading the paper & all of Hilary's & Jamal's noisy eating was distracting him. "I say, it sounds like feedin' time at the fuckin' zoo!" "It sure does, kid!" Edward sniffed. "Sophisticated people like us, shouldn't be hangin' around bums!" Penny heard him. "What did you say 'bout my blood!?!" "Oh! I-I-I was just sayin' that I enjoyed the way, they eat, Ms. Penny!" Edward exclaimed nervously. "Dat's what _I_ thought!" Penny sniffed. Just then, Diane walked up to Penny. "I'm sorry, Penny. But, we ran out of breakfast fixin's." she said. "Dammit!" Penny sniffed, then she turned to her twin siblings. "What's tha matter?" Hilary asked her. "Yall ate all of tha breakfast & didn't leave me, _P_, & her boy some!" Penny sniffed. "Well, we was hungry, _'Nette_." Jamal said. "And so was everyone else!" Mercedes came into the scene now. Penny looked at her. "Don't bother, _Benz_. There's nothin' lefted!" "There ain't! Dammit!" Mercedes sniffed. "Well, we can always get some breakfast." Patsy added. "Dat sounds like a wise idea, _P_." Penny said as she took out her keys. "So, yall goin' out for breakfast?" Tracie asked. "Yeah." Mercedes answered. So, Penny & Mercedes lefted to get breakfast. Patsy looked at Hilary. "Why do you got to take the piss out of them?" she asked. "What?" Hilary asked. "Why did you pissed them off?" Patsy said in dummy terms. "Because, it's funny, _Cuz P_." Jamal answered. "Dat's why." "Let's forget about it, Patsy." Lazlo sniffed as he stood up. "Let's go watch tv." "Yeah, that'll be a wise idea." Patsy sniffed as she too stood up.

It was a half an hour later, when Penny & Mercedes finally came back with the food. Patsy & Lazlo was watching tv in the living room, when they came. "We back wit tha food!" Mercedes called. "_Finally!_" Patsy exclaimed as she grabbed the bag from Mercedes. "Is these breakfast sandwiches?" Lazlo asked as he opened his bag. "Yeah." Penny said as she opened hers. "They those _Mickydee_'s sausage, egg & cheese _McMuffin_ sandwiches." "Did you buy any hashbrowns?" Patsy asked. "Yep!" Mercedes said as she took a bite out of her _McMuffin_. "So, what's on?" "So, far. Nothing." Lazlo muttered. "There's so much crap on tv!" Patsy sniffed. "You don't have to tell me dat, _P_!" Penny sniffed. "There's so much shit!" "Dat's why, I don't watch tv, unless I'd have to!" Mercedes sniffed as she took another bite out of her food. "Mmm? What's this?" Patsy muttered as she looked at the _TV Guide_. "What?" Lazlo asked. "It says, that the _'Jamie Foxx show'_ is on." Patsy read in a confused voice. "Yeah, but why you sound so confused, _P_?" Penny asked. "Don't you like Jamie Foxx?" "Yes, I do, but it's the channel it's on, that's gotten me." Patsy said. "What? You don't like _BET_?" Mercedes asked her. "Well, I-I do, but, it says, that it's on the god awful, _Cartoon Network_!" Patsy groaned. There was a long silence, then Penny spoke. "_Damn!_ They must be desparate for ratin's!" she laughed. "Add to dat, it's a live sitcom, not cartoon." Mercedes said. "They must think, they're _FOX_." Patsy said, & then she looked at the camera. "We may have shit like, _'American Idol'_, _'24'_, & other drama bullshit, but we're comin' in 2nd place! Two places ahead of _NBC_!" "I'm not surprised." Lazlo sniffed. "They started puttin' non-animated shows on the last few good episodes of our old show." "You mean, those very dreadful episodes wit _P_ soundin' like a valley girl?" Mercedes asked. "Like, totally!" Patsy said in her valley girl voice. Penny slapped her in the head. "**_OW!_** T-Thanks Penny." Patsy said in her regular voice. "They was as dreadful as _big boy_'s handwritin'!" Penny sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Penny was in Peter's office. She was sitting in the leather chair in front of Peter's desk, when Peter came.

Penny: Did you call me?  
Peter: Yes, Ms. Penny. I want you to pass out these flyers for me, please?

He gives her the flyers. She looks at them. The handwriting was chicken scratch, barely readible.

Penny: What does this say?  
Peter: Can't you read? It says, _'Arm wrestlin' contest on Thursday in my house'_.  
Penny: Really?  
Peter: Really.

Then she notices something else on the flyers. It was a red stain.

Penny: What's this red stain?  
Peter: It's the time, Ms. Penny.

She looks at Peter. He was eating pizza & some of it spilled onto him. She tastes the stain on the paper.

Penny: It's pizza sauce!  
Peter: Uh, no it's not!  
Penny: Yes, it is!  
Peter: No, it's not!  
Penny: Is!  
Peter: **S'NOT!  
**Penny: _**IS!  
**_Peter: **_S'NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

Then he stopped & thought what he had said.

Peter: Did you hear what I said? I said, 'Snot'! _Hee!Hee!Hee!  
_Penny: Snot? Ha! Ha! Ha!

Then they both laughed at Peter's joke. Then Penny suddenly stopped.

Penny: But tha truth is, yo' handwritin' sucks & needs work!  
audience:_(laughs)_  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Yeah. They sucked!" Lazlo laughed. "Thank god, I didn't stick around for that god-awful finale." Patsy laughed. "That shit was gay!" "Not as gay, as tha commercial dat's on right now!" Mercedes sniffed. "What are you talkin' 'bout, _Benz_?" Penny asked. "You know, dat stupid-lookin' white woman on those _Glade_ commercials?" Mercedes asked. "Oh yeah, those! Those suck!" Penny snffed. "I know, right?" asked Mercedes. "Yeah! She always, got that stupid look on her face!" Patsy sniffed. "And her eyes, always look like, they about to pop outta her head!" Lazlo said. "It's just _Glade_! There's no need to hide it, like it's something illegal!" "Yeah, what a dumb slut!" Penny laughed. The dumb commercial went off. "Thank god, that shit's over!" Patsy sighed happily. "They better...." She was interuptted as another dumb _Glade_ commercial came on.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
Some dumb bimbo was taking a _Glade plug-in_ out of it's box & was plugging it in.

Bimbo: _Ha!_ Thanks _Glade_!

The doorbell rings. She goes to answered it. It cuts to the _Glade plug-in_.

_Glade plug-in_: Thanks for what? I don't know your ass!

Back at the door, the stupid slut opened the door. It was her yoga class.

Skank: Yoga time!!

Then she hops up & down like a idiot. One of the classmates takes a sniff.

Classmate: It smells so fresh in here!  
Dumb woman: Oh yeah? You _like_ it?

Then they get on their mats. The dumb slut keeps talking, much to the disappointment to her classmates, & the viewers.

Dumb slut: It's just some, brute-taking fragrance, that helps me, plug me into my karma.  
Classmate: 'Plug into your karma'? More like _Glade plug-ins_.

Then all the other classmates bend over to see the _glade plug-in_ & laughs.

_Glade plug-in_: Yep! That's right, baby! I was just, doin' my job! Now the black girl, bend some more!

So she does. The dumb bimbo fell onto her stomach, while the black girl stretched her legs.

_Glade plug-in_: Oh yeah! That's right, baby! Wanna go steady?  
Black girl: Yeah. My husband doesn't even notice me anymore.  
_Glade plug-in_: C'mon sweetie & unplug me!

So she did. The dumb bimbo was stunned as her other classmates laughed at her.

Announcer: _Now experience, the freshest Glade fragrance ever! Infused with a essential oils, like beautique fragrance._

It cuts back to the dumb bimbo.

Bimbo:(whispers) And yes! They're _glade_!  
Announcer: _Glade! The company that makes lovers with fragrance. SC Johnson. A family company.  
**(End cutaway)**_

"What a stupid ho'!" Mercedes laughed. "You know, tha stupidiest commercial ever?" Penny asked. "What is it?" Patsy asked her. "Those _'Happy's pizza'_ commercials!" Penny sniffed. "_Happy's pizza_?" Lazlo repeated. "Yeah. _'Happy's pizza'_." Penny said. "I've never heard of them." Mercedes said. "Dat's because, they always air them here & tha surroundin' areas." Penny explained. "Tha commercial's sunged by Tha Four tops." "Tha Four Tops?" Mercedes asked. "Never heard of them!" "I think, they a singin' group from tha 60's. Or somethin' like dat?" Penny muttered. "Anyway, it's stupid. It's as stupid as dat pink bunny/cat girl from dat _Chowder_ shit!" "Yeah. I hate that slut!" Patsy laughed, then she looked at the window. There, standing outside was Panini. "You wanna come outside & say that, bitch?" Panini shouted. "**'Cause, I'll gut you!!**" "I think, she's chanllengin' you to a fight, _P_!" Mercedes exclaimed. "You better go out there & knock her block off!" Just then, Diane & Lori walk into the scene. "Who's dat shoutin', outside of my house!?" Diane questioned. "It's dat pink bunny/cat thing, from dat shit show, _'Chowder'_, mom." Penny explained. "She's out there, buggin', 'cause _P_ called her a slut." "You better go out there & knock her block off, Patsy!" Lori said to Patsy. "Dat's what I told her, Auntee!" Mercedes said. "I don't feel like in the mood, to fight." Patsy yawned. "Let's just ignore her, & she'll go away." "**C'MON OUT HERE!!!**" Panini shouted. "**SO, I CAN EMBARASS YOU IN FRONT OF YO' SISSY, WEED SMOKIN', PUNK ASSED BOYFRIEND!!!!!**" Patsy was now growling & turning red from what Panini had said. "_Damn!_ Dat's down right cold, _G_!" Penny said to Lazlo. "**That's it!** **IF THAT BITCH WANTS A FIGHT? _I'LL_ GIVE HER A FIGHT, ALRIGHT!!!!!**" Patsy shouted. "That's _my_ girl!" Lori & Lazlo said in unision. Patsy put her jacket on & stomped outside to where Panini was standing. "**LISTEN HERE, MS. THING!! NO ONE, BUT NO ONE CALLS MY LAZLO; A SISSY, WEED SMOKIN', PUNK ASS, EXCEPT ME!!! SO, YOU WANNA FIGHT, YOU GOT ONE!!!!**" Patsy shouted. "Okay then." Panini said calmly. "After I get done, beating the shit outta you, I'm gonna beat the shit outta those ghetto trash cousins of yours, then I'll hafe sex with your punk boyfriend, then I'll beat the shit outta him!" "**WHAT DID _YOU_ CALL _US_!?!**" Mercedes & Penny asked angrily in unision. "Ghetto trash." Panini repeated. "**_DAT'S IT!!! WE'VE GONNA....._**" Mercedes & Penny charged before, Lazlo & Diane grabbed them. "Just let it go!" Lazlo said. "**LET ME GO!!!! I'LL _KILL_ DAT MUTHAFUCKA!!!!**" Penny shouted. "**BEAT DAT SMIRK OFF HER FACE, _P_!!!!!**" "**HEY!** This is _our_ fight! My cousins are not a part of it!" Patsy shouted at Panini. "This is between _you_ & _me_!"

Soon, Patsy was ready to fight Panini. She had tied up her pink hair in a ponytail, in the same style as it was in that snake hunter episode. Panini was prepping up, too. Lazlo was looking at Patsy prep. "I like your hair that way, Patsy!" he awed. "Thank you, dear." Patsy said. "At least, _I'll_ look good. That's what counts." "Yeah, & also beatin' tha shit outta dat pink skank!" Penny added into the conversation. "Alright, I'm ready!" Patsy shouted to Panini. "So, am I, _bitch_!" Panini retorted. So, the fight began. Panini threw a punch at Patsy, but fortunately, Patsy swerved out the way, making Panini hit her hand against a wall. "_**OWWW!!**_" she cried. Patsy then punched her in the mouth, making Panini fall on the ground, then she started pulling on Panini's ears. "_**OW!**_" Panini hissed as she pulled onto Patsy's shirt. Then she kicked Patsy in the face, making Patsy let go. Then Panini punched Patsy in the nose. In response, Patsy grabbed Panini's shirt & ripped it opened. "You little bitch!" Panini shouted. "I'll show you!" Then she let out her claws & slashed Patsy's shirt opened. "_Oh, damn!_" Lazlo awed. "Patsy's got a sexy lookin' bra!" Patsy looked at her expose bra. "That's it! I'm gonna kill your ass!" she sniffed as she jumped onto Panini. Then she started beating the shit out of the bunny/cat girl. Everybody started cheering Patsy on. Stewie & Edward walked up to Mercedes & Penny. "I say, what the deuce's going on here, _Hip hop girl_?" he asked. "Yeah! I was jerkin' myself......_awake_! Yeah!" Edward said quickly. "_P_'s fightin' dat pink bitch from dat crappy _'Chowder'_ shit." Penny explained. "Oh." Edward muttered. "Who's winnin' the catfight?" "**_P_'s winnin'!**" Mercedes exclaimed. "Oh. **GO, MONGOOSE!!!**" Stewie called. Patsy was beating Panini ghetto style. She picked up Panini. "**HIYA!!!!!**" she shouted as she threw the cat/bunny creature at a nearby tree. Panini was bleeding from her head. Patsy gave her several hundred more punches. Everyone cheered. Then she picked Panini up. "See you in hell, skank!" Patsy hissed as she spitted in Panini's face. Then she snapped Panini's neck & drops her dead body onto the ground. There was silence, then Hilary spoke up. "Tha bitch's dead! Yeah!" she cheered. "_Ha!_ Serve's her right!" Penny sniffed. Mercedes ran over to Panini's dead body. "**DAT'S FOR CALLIN' ME & '_NETTE_; GHETTO TRASH!!!!!!**" Then she kicks the dead body. "Good job, on killin' that skank, Patsy!" Lori praised. "That'll teach her!" "Yeah, cheeky slut!" Patsy sniffed as she dusted herself off. Then everybody went back inside, while black crows started picking over Panini's body.

Inside, Penny & Mercedes was talking. "_Damn!_ Dat was some fight, _Benz_!" Penny exclaimed as she sat on the couch. "Yeah, it sure was!" Mercedes laughed as she turned the tv back on. "Callin' us, ghetto trash! Dumbass 'ho!" "Well, at least. she didn't call us, _bitches_. Like dat platypus n(bleep)a, did!" Penny said. Just then, Edward appeared. "Uh, was you talkin' 'bout me?" he asked them. "Yeah." Mercedes sniffed. "Do you got a problem wit dat?" "N-No." Edward stuttered as he went to do something else. Just then, an advertisement for the night's _Detroit Piston_ game came onto the tv. Mercedes noticed it. "Hey _'Nette_. Ain't dat tha game, dat suppose to come on, tonight?" she asked Penny. "Yeah." Penny said. "Tha _Pistons_ vs. tha _Bucks_." "Sounds like an easy victory!" Mercedes laughed. "Yeah." Penny also laughed. "So, what time, does dat game start?" Mercedes asked. "Around 8:30, _Benz_." Penny said as she grabbed the remote. "Do you wanna watch, _'Jamie Foxx'_?" "Yeah." Mercedes answered. So, Penny turned the channel to _Turner Kids_ to watch the Jamie Foxx marathon.

Meanwhile, Patsy was changing shirts. Lazlo was laying in the bed. "So, Patsy. Did you really mean those things, that you said before the fight?" he asked. Patsy turned to him. "What do you mean, honey?" she asked. "I mean, that you said; _'that nobody call my Lazlo a sissy, weed smokin', punk ass, except me'_." Lazlo said. "_Oh!_ That?" Patsy asked. Lazlo nodded. "I was just sayin' that, just to let that bitch know, that she don't call you that, dear." Patsy explained. "Yeah, but would you really call me those things, Patsy?" asked Lazlo. "No, I wouldn't, dear." Patsy replied warmly as she sat next to him. Lazlo looked at her. "Are you sure?" Lazlo asked. "I'm sure, dear." Patsy said. "That's all I wanted to know, Patsy." Lazlo said happily. "That was some ass-kickin' on that whore." "It was, wasn't it?" Patsy asked. Lazlo nodded. "I haven't fought like that, since the time I trained with Harvey Walden IV." Patsy laughed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Patsy was in the training room with Harvey. They was working out.

Harvey: Alright, Smiles. Just keep yo' left up! Dat's right!! Let's see some of dat footwork! Yeah!  
Patsy:(thinking to herself) _Damn!_ I'm gettin' all sweaty & shit! I hope, there's a break coming soon!  
Harvey: Alright, Smiles. Time to go to tha boxin' ring!  
Patsy: You serious?  
Harvey: **Yeah!!!** I need someone to train with, so it can help me for my fight, against dat Gordon Ramsey bitch! Now let's get at it!

So, they both got into the ring.

Patsy: Uh, Harvey. Are we gonna put on boxing gloves & protective gear?  
Harvey: Nope. We're gonna fight, bare-fisted & unprotected! Now, just stand there & be Ramsey.  
Patsy: So, do I call you names & shit like that?  
Harvey: Yeah. Now get started.

So Patsy took a deep breath.

Patsy:(in british accent) I say, you american doggie! You can't cook!! That shit looks like a fuckin' dog's dinner, you jarhead!  
Harvey: **Dat's it!!! I'M HITTIN'!!!**

So Harvey goes towards Patsy, or shall I say, Ramsey & throws a punch. Fortunately, she swerved.

Patsy:(still acting like Ramsay) Ha! Ha! Ha! You missed! You're a bloody, filthy pig!!

Harvey attacks again, & again Patsy moves out the way.

Harvey: Alright. Time to put those moves, dat I taught you into action, Smiles.  
Patsy: Are you sure?  
Harvey: Yes, I'm sure. Now do it.  
Patsy: If you say so!

She gives Harvey a full cold blow to the mouth. Knocking out several teeth. Then Harvey retaliated by punching Ramsay/Patsy in the face. Knocking her unconcious.

Harvey:(realizing what he did) Oh my god! What have I done?

It cutsaway to Patsy, laying on a bed. She had a ice pack on her face. She was just waking up.

Patsy:(groggy) W-W-What happened?

She grabs the ice pack.

Patsy: What am I doin' with a ice pack?  
Harvey: I accidently knocked you tha fuck out, Smiles.  
Patsy: You did? H-How did I do?  
Harvey: You did perfect, Smiles. You hit me full blast in tha mouth!!! Nobody never, _ever_ done dat!!!! I'm proud of you!  
Patsy:(blushing from embarassment) W-Well, I've been fightin' like that for years. So, trainings over?  
Harvey: Yep. Time's to get dat Ramsay bitch!!!

He gets up & leaves.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"So, what happened after that?" Lazlo asked. "Well, Harvey went to fight Ramsay." Patsy explained. "Guess who won?" "Uh, Harvey did?" Lazlo asked nervously. "Yeah. All because, I'd helped him." Patsy bragged. "I bet Ramsay cried like a punk!" Lazlo laughed. "He probably did." Patsy laughed. Just then, Hilary came in. "Hey, _Cus P_. Dat was some fightin' dat you did!" she awed. "Thank you, Hil." Patsy said. "Well, somebody had to do it!" "Yeah." Hilary muttered. "So, what do you want?" Patsy asked her. "I was wonderin', if you got another book for me to read?" Hilary asked. "Nope." Patsy said. "Oh." Hilary muttered. "Well, see ya." She leaves. "What was that, about?" Lazlo wondered. "She likes to read, dear." Patsy said. "So, that's it." Lazlo muttered. "Wanna watch, _'Hell's kitchen'_?" "Yeah." Patsy replied quickly. "Hopefully, they show the season with Penny on it! I would like to see her whopping Ramsay's ass!" "Yeah, that'll be funny!" Lazlo laughed as he turned the tv to the channel.

Later, it was almost 5:30 now. Penny went to Lazlo's & Patsy's room. They was fast asleep, when she came in there. "_Oy!_ You two!" she shouted. This woke them up. "**We up! We up!**" they shouted quickly. Then they turned to Penny. "Oh, Penny. It's you." Lazlo yawned. "What do you want?" Patsy yawned. "I wanted to ask, yall, dat if yall wanna go to my apartment?" Penny asked. "Whoa! Wait a minute! You got _an_ apartment?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah. It's in tha _Riverfront Towers_." Penny answered. "Oh. That's worth knowin'." Lazlo said as he sat up. "Of course, we like to come." Patsy said. "I would like to see, how your apartment looks like." "Why are we goin' to your apartment for?" Lazlo asked Penny. "'Cause, dat's where my _Pistons_ stuff is, _G_." Penny explained. "Oh, I see." Lazlo said. "Is Mercedes, Edward, & Stewie comin'?" Patsy asked as she put on her jacket. "Yeah, _Benz_ & those two punks are comin' wit us, too." Penny said. "I can't miss tha opportunity to make dat platypus flench, everytime I make a single move!"

At the _Riverfront Towers_. Penny was unlocking the door, that leads to her apartment. Everybody else was looking around the hall. "_Ooh!_ Everything's so fancy!" Stewie exclaimed. "And it smells nice!" Lazlo added. Penny opened the door to her apartment. "There! Here's my crib!" she said as she showed everybody the entire large living room. "_Damn!_ Just look at all this space!" Mercedes awed. "I wish, I had all this space!" "Is that a leather massage chair, Penny?" Patsy asked as she pointed to a black leather chair. "Yeah, _P_. It is." Penny said. "Can I sit in it?" Patsy asked. "Yeah, sure." Penny said. So Patsy sat in the chair & pressed the button. It started massaging her. "Oh god! That-That feels g-good." Patsy uttered as the chair massaged her back. Edward, Mercedes, & Stewie looked at Penny's tv. "_Whoa!_ You got a flat screen tv, Ms. Penny!" Edward exclaimed. "Yep." Penny said. "Can we watch it, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "Sure." Penny said. So, Mercedes turned on the tv. "I wonder, how your room, looks like?" Lazlo asked Penny. "You wanna see?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Lazlo replied. "Aight then." Penny said. Then Penny & Lazlo went into her room. There was a bed, a dresser with a tv, dvd player, dvds, cds, & a radio. On the walls, there was a small picture of Gordon Ramsay with darts on it. A poster of Michael Jordan & a poster of Allen Iverson. "Just sit on tha bed, _G_." Penny said. So Lazlo did. He looked on her dresser. There was trophies on it. "What's up with all these trophies, Penny?" he called to Penny. Penny was in her closet. "Those are my basketball trophies, _G_." Penny answered. Lazlo looked closer at one award. "What's this? You was a cheerleader?" he called again. Penny walked up to him. She was wearing a blue _Detroit Piston_ jersey. "Yeah. I was." Penny said as she picked up the throphy. "I'm not surprised. You have the sexy curves, sexy legs, & the perfect shoutin' voice for it." Lazlo said. Penny was blushing. "Ah, yo' makin' me blush." Lazlo looked at her cheerleader photos. "You especially look sexy in this picture!" "Thanks." Penny said. "Do you wanna see my patio & entertainment center?" "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Aight, then." Penny said.

So Penny showed Lazlo & Mercedes, who got bored watching tv, her patio. "_Damn!_ Just look at tha Detroit River!" Mercedes awed. "Do you see a lot of boats, passin' through, _'Nette_?" "Yeah." Penny said. "You can see everythin' from here. Even assholes in Canada." "So, that's why you got this telescope here?" Lazlo laughed. "Yeah." Penny said as she went to the telescope. "Hmm? I can see someone, pickin' their nose. I can see, someone stealin' somethin' from a store & someone...._Oh god!_" "What's tha matter, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "Let me see!" So Penny moved out the way & Mercedes looked through the telescope. "_Oh god!_ Someone's over there, fuckin'!" Mercedes exclaimed. "What do they think, they at? Mexico?" Lazlo sniffed. "Cheeky c(bleep)ts!" Penny sniffed. "So, how long will it take for us get to tha _Palace_?" Mercedes asked Penny. "About 32 minutes, _Benz_." Penny said. "32 minutes? I thought, it'll be at least, 45 minutes, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "Never mind dat, Let's go to my entertainment center." Penny said. Then they was at her entertainment center. There was a large, flat screen tv, a few theather like seats, another leather massage chair, a nacho making machine, a small pop machine, & a small mini refridgerator. "Wow! I like your entertainment center, Penny!" Lazlo awed. "Thank you, _G_." Penny said. "What's up wit tha nacho & pop machines, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "Dat's so I don't have to go out, & get some grub, durin' my favorite shows, _Benz_." Penny said as she sat down on her leather chair. "Smart thinkin', _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "Smart thinkin'." "So, what do you watch in here?" Lazlo asked Penny. "Shows like _'Tha Aresnio Hall show'_, wit tha episodes digitally remastered myself. _Celebrity Fit Club 5_, _Hell's Kitchen_, & _Detroit Pistons_ home games." Penny explained. "Do you get _Cinemax_ & _Showtime_?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah, I got _Showtime_, but _Cinemax_ would cost extra." Penny replied. Just then, Patsy walked up to Penny. "There ya'll are. I was wonderin', where ya'll was." "Yep. We was just chillin' in my entertainment center, _P_." Penny said as she drunk a bottle of _Pepsi_. "What do you want?" "There's someone at the door for you." Patsy said. "Who is it?" Penny asked, standing up. "I don't know." Patsy started. "I didn't answer it. It could be solictors." "I'll go check." Penny said. "Dat'll be a wise thing!"

Penny answered the door. There standing there was a tall black man, wearing a red shirt, blue jeans, & white _nikes_. He tilted his head, "'Sup Penny." he said. "Bro'man!" Penny exclaimed. "How you?" "Nuthin'." Bro'man replied. "Just chillin'." "So, what do you want?" Penny asked him. " I just came up here to see, if you got any fixin's for some _sammiches_." Bro'man said. "I'll go see, what I got, _G_." Penny said & ran to the kitchen. Soon, she came back with some fresh bread, cheese, turkey, ham, & mustard. "Here ya go, Bro. Here's yo' sandwich fixin's." Penny said as she gave Bro'man the sandwich fixings. "Thanks, dawg." Bro'man said. "So, yall chillin'?" "Yeah, we chillin'." Penny answered. "I see dat yo' usin' tha door now." "Yep. I have to. 'Specially, what almost happened to Bro'man." said Bro'man.

**_(Flashback)  
_**Bro'man was entering through someone else's windows. At 3 in the morning. He was getting himself a wee-hour snack.

Bro'man: Time to get me some _sammiches_!

He steps inside, to see a guard dog, growling at him. Bro'man was stunned.

Bro'man: Uh oh. I sees a lil' ole' puppy dawg. Growlin' in my face.

Guard dog: **GRRRRRRRR!  
**Bro'man: Don't worry, puppy dawg. I'll get out! I'll get out!  
Guard dog: _**GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!**_

The dog goes for the attack.

Bro'man: **_Oh snap!_**

He goes out the window & closes it, before the dog jumps after him. The dog put it's paws on the window. It was still barking & the lights of the apartment came on.

voice: _Tupac? Is there someone in there?_ **_KILL 'EM!  
_**Bro'man: I better start usin' tha door for now on. Durin' tha day. No more of this after midnight, hangin' in someone else's crib.

He climbs back down to his apartment.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Oh, I see." Penny said. "Yeah. Dat dawg, man!" Bro'man uttered. "It kinda makes you think, you know?" "Yeah, I know what you mean." Penny muttered. "So, you still at dat camp?" Bro'man asked. "Yeah, I am." Penny said. "Dat's good. It'll make you a smarter person, you know? It builds yo' character." Bro'man said. "I know dat, Bro!" Penny laughed. "Well, time's for me to go back to my crib. Tha _Pistons_ pre-game's suppose to start soon." Bro'man said. "You know where I chill?" "Yeah. You chill on tha twenty-fourth floor." Penny said as she made a two sign on her right hand, & a four sign with her left hand. Bro'man did the same action, except he made a five sign with his left hand. Then he step out of her apartment. He budded his head up & Penny did the same action & closed the door. Patsy came up to her. "Who was that, Penny?" she asked. "Dat was Bro'man, _P_. He lives on tha twenty-fourth floor." Penny explained as she did Bro'man's number bit with the five. "Oh." Patsy muttered. "So, what time are we leavin'?" "Around 7:15 or so, _P_." Penny said as she sat on her massage chair & turned on her tv. Stewie looked at her. "So, that was your neighbor, huh?" "Yeah." Penny said. "Is he dangerous?" Stewie asked. "No. He's friendly & isn't a threat. He's all around a nice character, kid." Penny explained. Then she turned to Edward. She makes a fist at him. Edward noticed. "**AHHHH!**" he screamed. "I'm likin' this!" Penny laughed. An store ad for _Black Friday_ came onto the tv. "Why tha hell, they call it, _'Black Friday'_?" she asked outloud. "It's totally offensive to blacks!" "They call it, _'Black Friday'_, because that's when all of the stores & malls slashed their prices for the christmas shopping season. When the day's all done, they count up all of the day's profits. All of the profits, put them in the black, which is good!" Stewie explained. "I know all dat shit. Good for them & all dat shit, but they should give it a different name." Penny sniffed. "They should call it; 'White Friday'." Then she looks into the camera. "Think 'bout dat, _Madison Aveune_!" "My mom always used to do that shit!" Patsy laughed. "What finally made her stopped doin' dat. _P_?" Penny asked. "She discovered _'Cyber Monday'_." Patsy laughed.

It was 7:15 now. Everybody was getting ready to leave. Penny was turning off everything in her apartment. "Now, wit dat done, let's go to dat game!" Penny said happily. "Do you got tha tickets?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." Penny said as she pulled out the envelope of tickets from her pocket. "Aight, let's go." "I know, this is bad timin' & all, but I wonder, what _lardball_'s doin'?" Lazlo said. "Why would it be a bad time, _G_?" Penny asked. "It would be a perfect time to see, what he's doin'. Dat gives us tha time to drive over to Auburn Hills." "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise idea." Mercedes added.

**_(Cutaway back to camp)_**  
Peter, Brian, Ed, Double D, Eddy, & the others was in in the lodge. They was watching tv. Peter was eating corn chips.

Peter: _Oh god!_ _Fritos_ are _so_ damn good! Especially, with cheese sauce!  
Ed: Save me some!  
Peter: Alright. Alright, _Smelly_. Here ya go!

Ed snatches the bag of chips & the cheese sauce from Peter & swallows them whole. Eddy noticed.

Eddy: Damn, Ed! You gulped that shit down! I thought, _fatty_ was gonna do that!  
Edd: _Eddy!!_ Don't call the scoutmaster that!  
Eddy: Why not? Everybody else does!  
Edd: Just cause everybody's doin' it, doesn't it make it right!  
Peter:(looks at him) Hey kid. Shut the fuck up! I'm tryin' to watch the wheel!  
Edd: Did you just tell me, to shut up?  
Ed: Yeah, he did! Now do, what my friend tells you!  
Edd:(turns to Brian) I can't believe this!  
Brian:(drinking a martini) Get used to it. I've been puttin' with this crap for nine years.  
Edd: Aren't you seven years old?  
Brian: Yeah, but since the writers don't care about continuity, they keep us the same age.  
Edd: Not everybody.  
Brian: Yeah, I know that. But they kept us; the _Family Guy_ characters the same age.  
Peter:(turns to Edd) I thought, I told you to shut the hell up!? Now please do it!  
Edd: But I....

Peter picks up a lamp & throws it at the wall.

Peter: **I SAID, DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

So Double D shuts up & watches tv.

Peter:(calming down) That's better.

Then he turns to Ed.

Peter: Now, _stinky_. I bet, you can't figure out the phrase, they're tryin' to figure out?  
Ed: What do you wanna bet?  
Peter: I bet my dinner.  
Ed: What is it?  
Peter: Fried porkchops, shells & cheese, buttered biscuits, mashed potatoes, gravy, & a _Pepsi_.  
Ed: That sounds, delicious! Ed will take the bet!  
Peter: So, what's the phrase?  
Ed: It's; _'Go fuck yourself'_, my fine sir!  
Peter:_ Hee!Hee!Hee!_ That's so.....  
Tv: _The phrase is, 'Go f(bleep)k yourself'?_  
Pat Sajack: _That's correct! You win 30 thousand dollars!  
_Ed: _Ha!_ Looks like I win that tasty dinner!  
Peter: Oh man! I knew, I should of betted money!  
Sarah: What a stupid c(bleep)t!  
audience:_(laughs)_  
**_(End cutaway)_**

At the _Palace_, in Auburn Hills. Penny was giving everybody their tickets. "Now, here's yall tickets & passes." she said. "Are we gonna get some nourishment, _Hip hop girl_?" Stewie asked. "I think, they already got some food up there, kid." Mercedes said. "I don't know, _Benz_." Penny started. "I've never been up here before." "Should we send someone to get us some food?" Patsy asked. "Dat's sounds like, a wise idea, _P_." Penny said. "And I know who to do it, too!" "Who?" Edward asked stupidly. Everyone looked at him. "I think, we got a volunteer." Lazlo laughed. "Who? Me? I'm not gonna do it, if that's what you're gettin' at, Lazlo!" Edward sniffed. "Dat's where we gettin' at!" Penny said as she grabbed his shoulder. "Now, get yo' ass in gear! Get us some grub & some drinks!" Then she picked up Edward & threw him off-screen. Then she turned to the others. "Now, let's go! Dat _Domino's pizza's_ drivin' me crazy!" Soon, they was sitting in their seats. There was already some catered food in there & some of the other sky box ticket holders were there, getting some of the food. "Oh. There's already food up here." Penny muttered. "Edward's gonna be pissed with you, Penny." Lazlo said to her. "How's he's gonna be pissed? It's not like, he's gonna hit me." Penny bragged. "Even, if he does, I'll throw his ass off here." "Uh, that's nice to know." Patsy said mysteriously. "Hey! Ain't your favorite basktball player, Allen Iverson's playin' for the _Pistons_ now?" Lazlo asked her. "Yes, he is." Mercedes, Patsy, & Penny said dreamily in unision. "Now, that's strange." Lazlo muttered. "I say, it is." Stewie said. Patsy snapped out of it. "Did you say something, Lazlo dear?" "Yeah. I was talkin' about how strange, that the three of you was just swoonin' over Iverson, just then." Lazlo said. "Oh, did we?" Patsy asked. Lazlo & Stewie nodded. "Oh." Patsy muttered. Just then, Edward returned. He had hot dogs, chili & cheese dogs, just plain chili dogs, nachos & cheese, pizza, tacos, & soda. "T-There you go, Ms. Penny. All of everyone's food." he panted. Penny turned to him. "Oh. You actually did it, huh? There's already food up here." she said as she took the food. "Good job, though." "**WHHHAAATTT? I DID ALL THAT FOR NOTHING!?!**" Edward yelled, not noticing everybody else. "**I'M GONNA....**" "What you gonna do? Huh!?" Penny sniffed as she stood up. "Huh? What?" Then she went towards him, making Edward back up into a wall. "What!? Answer me! What are you gonna do?" Then she grabbed his neck & started choking him. "N-N-Nothing! I-I-I'm just gonna s-sit there & e-enjoy the game, M-Ms. P-Penny!" Edward struggled to say. "Dat's better!" Penny said as she let go of his neck. Edward took a deep breath & dusted himself off & then he sat right next to Stewie. Minutes later, the opening introductions for the teams started.

It was sometime later now. The _Pistons_ defeated the _Milwaukee Bucks_ by ten points. Everyone was back at Penny's parents house. Diane, Tracie, Lori, & Hilary was waiting for them, when they came in. "So, did ya'll enjoyed tha game?" Diane asked. "Yeah, it was tight!" Penny said. "Tha _Pistons_ beat tha shit outta tha shitty ass _Bucks_!" "Well, I'm headin' tha bed." Tracie said. "I need to leave early." She leaves. Penny turned to Mercedes. "Come on, _Benz_. Let's go start packin'." she said. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." Mercedes said as she follow Penny to her room. "Well, I'm goin' to bed, too." Diane yawned. "It been one hell of a day." She, Lori, & Hilary leaves. Edward & Stewie layed on the couch. "Alright." Edward said to Lazlo & Patsy. "Get your asses up from our sleepin' spots!" "Since, when was it your sleepin' spots?" Patsy sniffed. "Since, we called dibs on it, early this morning!" Stewie retorted rudely. "Now get off!" "C'mon, Patsy." Lazlo sniffed. "Let's leave these fuckas, alone." "Yeah. Cheeky c(bleep)ts!" Patsy sniffed. They both leave, leaving the platypus & baby in the living room.

Mercedes & Penny was in their room, packing & getting ready for bed. "Dat was some game, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "Yeah, it was, _Benz_." Penny said as she her clothes in her suitcase. "I quite enjoyed this trip, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she closed her suitcase. "I did too, _Benz_." Penny said as she closed her suitcase. "I did too. If you excuse me, I need to get somethin' to eat." "Aight, _'Nette_." Mercedes called. Penny was in the kitchen, getting herself something to eat. She was making herself a sandwich. "_Ah!_ There's nothin' like puttin' sliced turkey, ham, bacon, lettece, tomato, pickle, mustard, & a lil' ole _Miracle Whip _between two slices of bread!" she said as she put on the ingredients. "**Who the hell's in there making that noise!!**" shouted a voice from the living room. Just then, Edward appeared. "_Oh!_ I-I didn't know, you was in here, Ms. Penny." he stuttered as he looked at what Penny was wearing. She was wearing nothing but her shirt, black sport panties & socks. "Well, I'm here." Penny sniffed. "What are you starin' at?" "Uh, it's just, I'd never knew you have some sexy lookin' thighs!" Edward exclaimed. "Thanks for tha compliment, but I'm still gonna get you." "_Aw damn!_" Edward sniffed. "Come on, Ms. Penny. Gimme a break!" "Oh, I'll give you a break alright!" Penny said as she picked up her saucer with the sandwich on it. She made a fist at him in a threatening motion. "**AH!**" Edward cried. "Ha! Ha! Screamed like a lil' ole bitch!" Penny laughed & went to her room. "_Damn!_ I'm gonna dream 'bout those thighs tonight!" Edward exclaimed happily. Penny suddenly reappears. "I heard dat." she said in a teasing voice. "D'oh!" Edward said as he slapped himself. Penny laughed.

Patsy & Lazlo was getting ready for bed now. Lazlo was already in bed. "You know, that was funny, what Penny did at the game." he laughed. "It sure was, dear." Patsy laughed. "She was actually choking him, too!" "Man, I thought, she was gonna kill him, too." Lazlo added. "I haven't seen her, do somethin' like that before." Patsy said as she got into bed. "Let's forget about that, let's talk about this nice trip." Lazlo said. "Okay, dear." Patsy said. "So, Lazlo. Did you enjoy this trip?" "Yeah, I did, Patsy." Lazlo said. "I'm glad, that you enjoyed it." Patsy said sleepily. "You know. We should do somethin' like this more often." Lazlo said to Patsy sleepily. "Yeah. To get away from the rest of those assholes at camp." Patsy yawned. "Well said, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Well, Good night, honey." "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said her final words, before falling asleep. Lazlo then leaned over & turned off the light. Penny was in her bed, eating her sandwich. "Dat Edward n(bleep)a! What a prick!" she laughed. "Yeah, he sure is!" Mercedes laughed. Penny soon finished her sandwich & drink. "_Ah!_ Dat was good!" she burped. "It's after 11. Do you wanna watch, _Tha Odd Couple wit Dustin Diamond & Harvey Walden, IV_?" Mercedes asked. "I would like to, _Benz_, but we have to get up early." Penny muttered. "Oh, I forgot 'bout dat." Mercedes laughed, then she yawned. "Well, _'Nette_. G'night. I'll see you in tha mornin'." "G'night, _Benz_." Penny said as she turned off the light & went happily to sleep.


	5. The Snowball war

The Snowball wars

This chapter takes place, after Penny, Patsy, Lazlo, Mercedes, Edward & Stewie returned from Detroit. It was a cold & snowy day at _Camp Griffin_. There was a figure outside, shoveling snow. The figure was Brian. He was shoveling the snow as fast as he can. "_Pant! Pant!_ Damn snow! No matter how fast I shovel, it comes down a lot more!" he sniffed as he shoveled a load away from the walks. Just then someone threw a snowball at him. "_Hey!_ What the hell?" Brian sniffed as he turned around, to see that no one was around. "Well, I must've felt that." He said as he went back to shoveling. A snowball hit him again. "**ALRIGHT!!**" Brian shouted. "**WHO'S DOIN' THAT!?**" He turns to see Peter, standing there, laughing. "_Hee! Hee! Hee!_ You thought, you was goin' crazy." he laughed. "_Hee!Hee!Hee!_" "Stupid fat idiot!" Brian sniffed. "What are you doin'?" Peter asked annoyingly. "I'm shoveling the walks, Peter." Brian said patiently to the fat man. "Why?" Peter asked again, in the same annoying way. "Because, if it isn't shoveled. Someone might slip on the walk." Brian said. "Well, good luck with that. I'm gonna go drink cocoa in my office!" Peter bragged. Then he runs off. "Cheeky fat bastard!" Brian sniffed.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was watching the _weather channel_. "Hmm. It's suppose to snow up to 8 to 12 inches." he said. "That's great, ain't it?" said someone. Lazlo looked up from the tv to see Patsy was laying on her bed, with a magazine. "Yeah, I suppose so." Lazlo laughed as he looked out the window, from his bed. "I wonder, what are we gonna do today?" "Who knows?" Patsy said as she turned a page in her magazine. "The _blimp_ probably gonna make us do somethin' stupid, like the time, he made us clean his closet."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter had everyone at his house.

Peter: Alright, everyone. I got all of you here, to clean up my house.

Everything was covered in trash, the sink was filled with dirty dishes, the toilet was overflowed, & dirty clothes was on the floor.

Peter: First, Mr. Edward. You get to wash the dishes.  
Edward: **_WHAT?_ WHY DO _I _GET TO DO THE DISHES?!?  
**Peter: Because, I said so.

Edward cusses under his breath, as he went into the kitchen & everyone else & the audience laughs at his ordeal.

Peter: Ms. Penny. You & Mr. Ed, get to unclog the toilet.  
Penny: **_What!?_** I get to unclog tha fuckin' toilet!?

Then she points at Ed.

Penny: Wit _this_ asshole!?  
Ed: Gravy!  
Peter: Yes, Ms. Penny. Here ya go!

He throws her the plunger.

Penny:(sighs) Come, big boy. Let's get shit over with.  
Ed: Service is my middle toe!

They leave. Peter turned to Mercedes.

Peter: Ms. Mercedes. You get to do my dirty laundry with Mr. Sockhead, Ms. Red-haired girl, & _Mini-me_.  
Eddy:(cross) **STOP CALLIN' ME, _MINI-ME_!**  
Peter:(didn't hear Eddy) Excuse me? I didn't hear you. I don't speak _pigmy_.  
Eddy:........  
Mercedes:(turns to Edd, Sarah, & Eddy & picks up some of the dirty laundry) Aight, let's this done.  
Edd: Yeah, that'll be a wisiest thing.  
Eddy: Damn, fat ass c(bleep)t!  
Sarah: **SHUT UP, EDDY! ALL YOU EVER DO IS, COMPLAIN!**  
Mercedes: Yeah, I have to agree wit _angry red_. Now, shut up & let's do this shit!

They leave. Peter turned to Patsy & Lazlo.

Peter: Mr. Lazlo & Ms. Smiles. You two get to clean out my closet.

They both went away to do the chore. Then Peter turned to the others.

Peter: The rest of you. Clean up all this mess here.

He then leaves, leaving the poor saps pick up the trash.

Raj: Why do we have to pick up the fuckin' trash?  
Clam: Because, we suck. That's why!  
audience:(laughs)

It cutsaway to Peter's closet. Lazlo & Patsy was cleaning it.

Patsy:(picks up a dirty pair of underwear) Yuck! _Tubby's_ draws!  
Lazlo: Well, at least, we didn't get Penny's job & Mercedes' job, Patsy.  
Patsy: Yeah, I s'spose you're right there, dear. Well, at least things couldn't....What the hell's this?  
Lazlo: What?  
Patsy: This!

She picks up something, that looks like a moldy slice of pizza.

Lazlo: I-I think, it's a moldy slice of pizza, Patsy.  
Patsy: EYK! Get this nasty shit away from me!

She threw the mess aside. Lazlo grabbed onto something.

Lazlo:(grunting) I got somethin' here!  
Patsy: Pull it out, dear!  
Lazlo: I'm tryin'!

So Lazlo kept trying to pull the object, until it finally appeared. The object was a man.

Patsy: Arsenio Hall? What are you doin' here? I thought, you was dead?  
Arsenio: I died, when I had Farrakhan on my show!  
Lazlo: _Ha! Ha! Ha!_ That's so f(bleep)kin' funny! So f(bleep)kin' funny!  
audience:(laughs)  
Arsenio: _Ah!_ It's nice to hear tha audience laugh again!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"What's that you readin'?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "I'm readin' a jewerly magazine." Patsy said as she circled something on the magazine with a pen. "Do it got a lot of neat stuff in there?" Lazlo asked. "Of course." Patsy laughed. "Don't be so silly." Just then, Penny walks into the scene. "Hey, _P_. I see, dat yo' readin' dat bling magazine again." she said. "Yep." Patsy said. "So, how are you doin', Penny?" "I'm doin' fine, _P_." Penny said as she layed on her bed. "It's a borin' day. It's all snowin' & shit!" Just then, Peter got on the PA. "_Attention everyone. This is your lovin', always warm & fuzzy scoutmaster here. Today, since it's snowin' & stuff like that, there's gonna be a snowball war helded today. That is...._" he announced before he farted loud & noisy. "_Ah! That felt good! Hey Lois. Did you hear when I farted? No? You stupid hardheaded skank! I'm gonna...Oh is this still on? I feel really stupid. That is all!_" "A snowball war?" Penny asked. "I'm game! I'm ready to knock someone's teeth out!" "So am I!" Patsy said as she put down her magazine. "Where's Mercedes?" "_Benz's_ outside, beatin' up some background bitches." Penny laughed. "That sounds like her, alright." Patsy laughed as she put on her coat. They leave. Lazlo then comes over to Patsy's bed & grabbed the magazine. "Hmm?" he said as he looked through it. "I see, that Patsy wants a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. Okay. I'll get her some." Lazlo said as he put the magazine back onto Patsy's bed.

Outside, Mercedes was beating up some background nobodys, just for the fun of it. "_Ow!_" One of them cried. "Why are you beatin' us up?" "Because, I felt like it!" Mercedes sniffed as she punched the nobody. "**WHY US!?!**" the head nobody cried. Just then, Penny & Patsy walked up to her. "Hey _Benz_. Do you wanna pratice yo' snowball throwin' wit me & _P_?" Penny asked. "Yeah. Dat sounds like a wise idea!" Mercedes said as she dropped the background character. "Alrighty then. Let's go do it." Patsy said. Then they went to an empty space. "Aight, _P_." Penny started. "You be tha enemy & _Benz_ & I will be tha good guys." So Patsy stood across from them. "Alright, Penny. I'm ready!" she called. "Aight, let's start throwin'!" Penny announced. So they all started throwing snowballs. Mercedes' snowball hit Patsy in the shoulder. "**_OW!_** That fuckin' hurts, Mercedes!" she sniffed. Mercedes laughed. "_Ha! Ha!_ It's suppose to, _P_!" she retorted as she threw another snowball at Patsy. Patsy threw another snowball & it hit Penny. "_HA!_ **GOT YA, PENNY!**" Patsy laughed. "_Oooh!_ I'm gonna get you, _P_!" Penny shouted as she maded a snowball. Soon, they were done. "_Whoo!_ I'm all ready now!" Penny said. "So, am I." Patsy said. "Me three!" Mercedes finished. "So, what do ya'll want to do now?" Patsy asked. "Wanna watch tv?" Penny asked. "I think tha _Dustin Diamond & Harvey Walden show_'s on?" "Yeah. Dat sounds like a wise idea, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. So they left to see if the show was on.

Meanwhile, at the Ed's cabin. The Eds were doing their own thing. Double D was reading the newspaper. Eddy was looking at one of his dirty magazines & drinking some _Pepsi_ & Ed was just sitting on his bed, looking stupid, like Clam. "I'm bored, Eddy!" he yawned. "So?" Eddy sniffed. "What do _you_ expect _me_ to do about it!?" "Tell me what to do." Ed answered stupidly. Eddy rolled his eyes. "Alright, Ed. **You can shut the fuck up!!**" he shouted. "_Eddy!_ Watch your language!" Double D nagged. "Shut up, Double D!!" Eddy sniffed. "How dare _you_, silence _me_!" "Well, someone has to." Double D sniffed. "You too, pardon my english, _fuckin'_ loud!" "_Ooooh!_ He got you there, Eddy!" Ed laughed. "Shut up, Ed." Eddy sniffed. "Go eat a cockroach or somethin'!" "Cockroach?! _Mmmmm!_" Ed muttered as he started drooling. "God! What a stupid retard!" Eddy sniffed again. "He's as clueless as that Matt guy from this year's _'Hell Kitchen'_!"

**_(Cutaway)_**  
The big douche was whining & complaining about something stupid in _Hell's Kitchen_. His name was Matt, but for the sake of the fic, he'll be called a bunch of random insults. Anyway, he was doing the aformentioned whining & complaining & was taking some asprin.

Blubbering baby: I got a migraine.  
Ramsay: No. He's got migraine. Look at that, Scott. Look at that c(bleep)t!

Ramsay & Chef Scott watch the fat loser take the aspirin as the other chefs laughed to themselves, but not loud enough for Ramsay & his goons to hear.

Other chefs: _Ha! Ha! Ha!_ Oh, sh(bleep)t! _Ha! Ha! Ha!_  
Asshole:(with that about to cry look on his face, which was his normal expression) It's not funny! I got a medical condition!

The audience laughs at the idiot & also the expression on Ramsay's face!

Moron: Alright! **I'll work with it!**  
Ramsay: He's got a migraine! Come here a minute, let me tell you somethin'. You got a migraine? I have one, ever since you entered here!  
Idiot: I know, chef.  
Ramsay: What did I tell you two minutes ago?  
Grapehead: I-I-I know.  
Ramsay: You completely forgot!  
Prick: I know, but I....  
Ramsay: To communicate.  
Fat loser: I can't. I got no feelings in my hand. I'm tryin' to work.  
Ramsay: You got no feelings in your hand, Yeah? C'mere!

He takes the imbelcile out of the kitchen. Everyone else stares. They were in the hall.

Ramsay: Go upstairs to the dorm, & lay down. Yes? Lay down.  
Joe Besser: I-I wanna work through it!  
Ramsay:(pissed) **GET OUT!!!!! F(bleep)KIN' GET OUT!!!!!**

Ramsay throws a spoon at him, but unfortunately he missed. The audience laughs. Ramsay was cross.

Ramsay: Laugh at _me_, will they?

He picks up a chair & runs towards the big loser. He hits him with the chair. He was knocked out cold. Ramsay turns to the audience.

Ramsay: Laugh at me, now?  
audience:(cheers & applaused)  
Ramsay: **OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!**  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes were watching tv. They was watching _'The Dustin Diamond & Harvey Walden show'_. "Oh damn! Dat Diamond is so damn clueless!" Mercedes laughed. "I'm surprised, that Harvey haven't killed him yet!" Patsy laughed. "If he did dat, tha show would probably get cancelled, _P_." Penny said. "It might. Or they might add a useless character to take up time." Lazlo said. Just then, Raj suddenly appeared. "Lazlo, have you seen my watch?" he asked. "No, I haven't, Raj." Lazlo answered. "Did you look on your arm?" Raj looks at his right arm. "Oh, t-there it is." he laughed. "I was wearin' it all along! Well, see ya!" Raj leaves. "What was dat about?" Mercedes asked. "Dat's what they call; a _time-waster_, _Benz_." Penny said. "Oh. I hate those." Mercedes laughed. "Now, let's get back to tha tv." Soon, the show was over, and a commercial advertising _Hallmark_ Christmas singing toys came on. "Press tha mute button, _Benz_." Penny panicked. "Dat'll be a wise thing!!!" So, Mercedes did quickly. "Why, did you have her put on the mute?" Patsy asked. "Because, them _Hallmark_ commercials, especially tha Christmas ones, are so damn stupid!" Penny ranted. "Why are they stupid, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "Because, of those damn singin' snowmen creatures!" Penny answered. "They so gay!" "Yeah, they are." Mercedes added. "Singin' & hoppin'! Gay shit!" "I bet someone's head wasn't screwed on too tight, when they thought of that!" Patsy laughed. "Dat's why, I don't vote." Penny sniffed. "What do you mean?" Lazlo asked. "You're too young to vote." "Dat's tha reason, G." Penny laughed. "I wonder, when we gonna shop for gifts?" Lazlo wondered. "Probably, next chapter." Patsy said as she smiled warmly at him. Lazlo noticed. "_Don't worry, honey. I know, what you want for Christmas._" Lazlo thought as he smiled back. "I wonder, when dat snowball war's gonna start?" Mercedes wondered. "Probably around this afternoon, _Benz_." Penny said. "This afternoon." "There's nothin' else on." Patsy sniffed. "Might as well turn tha fuckin' tv off." Mercedes sniffed as she turned off the tv. "Might as well, check my e-mail." Lazlo said as he took out his laptop from out of nowhere. "I'll go back to my magazine." Patsy said. "Hey, _'Nette_. Do you wanna listen to tha radio?" Mercedes asked Penny. "Yeah." Penny said as she took out bags of bbq flavored _Fritos_. So Mercedes turned on the radio to the all rap station.

Meanwhile, Peter was sitting in his office. He was drinking cocoa. "_Ah!_ There's nothin' like drinkin' hot cocoa mixed with vodka, beer, marshmallows, & any other things that goes into cocoa, in the morning!" he sighed. Just then, Brian walks up. "Peter. Was that snowball war, your idea?" he asked. "Yes, it was." Peter said as he took a sip of his alcholic beverage. "**What in the hell's wrong with you!? I'd just got done, shoveling the walks & they're gonna fuck them back up!**" the dog shouted. Peter look at him. "So what? It's gonna the walks are gonna get covered back up with snow, anyway. So, don't cry over it!" Brian just stared at him. "Yeah, you're right, Peter. They're gonna get covered in snow again, anyway." "Wait a minute! Did you say, _'I was right'_?" Peter asked. "Uh, yeah?" Brian asked. "_Ha!_ I haven't hear you say that, since the time, I'd wrestled you."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter & Brian was bored.

Brian: So, what do you wanna do?  
Peter: I dunno. What do you wanna do?  
Brian: Uh, we can get hammered?  
Peter: Nah. I'm too bored to do that.

Then Peter thought of something.

Peter: I know, what we can do!  
Brian: What is it?  
Peter: We can wrestle!  
Brian: What?  
Peter:(repeating himself) We...can....wrestle.

So, Brian stands up & so does Peter.

Brian: Are you sure, this is a good idea?  
Peter: Yeah, I'm sure. Hell, you might even enjoy it!  
Brain:(rolled his eyes) Whatever.

So they get started wrestling. They were breaking stuff all around the house. Soon, well, more like hours later, they stopped wrestling. They were both bloody.

Peter:(panting) So, are you entertained?  
Brian:(also panting) You was right, Peter. I wasn't bored at all!  
Peter: You said, _'I was right'_? You said, I was right!

Then he starts dancing around like a idiot.

Brian: God! I hate it, when he does this!

The dog leaves, while Peter dances.  
**_(End flashback)_**

"So, when is this contest gonna start?" Brian asked. "I dunno." Peter said as he sipped his drink. "I haven't thought about that part." "Okay? Maybe, I should set up a time." Brian said. "Okay. What time then?" Peter asked. "About 4:30 pm." Brian announced. "That's sounds like a good time. That's when, _'The Price is Right'_ is on!" Peter said. "You _are_ gonna host it, are you?" asked Brian. "Uh, yeah. Of course." Peter said. "That sounds a whole lot better, than watching a very entertainin' game show." "So, is there a prize?" Brian asked. "Yeah! For the team, that knocks everyone out with snowballs, wins a cash prize of 500,000 dollars!" Peter announced as he held a opened suitcase of the cold, hard cash. "_Oooh!_ That sounds like a great prize!" Brian exclaimed. "It is!" Peter said as he closed up the suitcase. "So, go off & make the flyers for everyone." So, Brian went off to do the chore.

It was almost 4:00 now. Lazlo & Patsy was taking a nap. Penny & Mercedes was getting ready for the snowball war. "Should we wake them, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah, _Benz_. Dat'll be a wise idea." Penny said as she went over to where Patsy & Lazlo was sleeping. "**_HEY!_ GET YO' ASSES UP!!!!!**" she shouted as she shook them both. "W-W-W-What is it, P-P-Penny?" Patsy asked, as she was now awake. "Time's for tha snowball war, _P_." Penny answered as she put both Patsy & Lazlo down. "It is? Time to destroy some faces!" Patsy chirped as she put on her coat. "Yeah. I'm ready to make some idiots, look like fools!" Lazlo laughed as he put on his coat. "You don't have to worry about dat, _G_. They already look like fools!" Mercedes laughed. "I know, Mercedes. That's why I said that!" Lazlo laughed. So they all went outside.

Outside, everyone was waiting for further instructions from Peter. "**Shut up!**" he barked. So they did, except Ed. He was still talking. "Why do they call it New York? It's over 300 hundred years old! Last time I checked, it wasn't all that new." "You! _Smelly!_ Shut the fuck up!" Peter ordered. "Okay!" Ed said stupidly as he slauted him. "Alright. It's time for the snowball war now. The rules are plain & simple. Pick whoever you want on your team. Make & throw snowballs at your enemy. Keep throwin', until there's no one else left. That's it." Peter explained. "What do we get, if we win?" Edward asked rudely. "If you win, you guys get to win this." Peter said as he showed everyone the suitcase full of money. "_**Damn! Just look at all that cash!!!**_" Eddy exclaimed. "_Damn!_ Just think all of tha shit you can buy wit dat!" Mercedes awed. "Alright, enough daydreamin'." Peter said as he closed up the suitcase. "Start pickin' people for your teams." So, everyone did. Patsy turned to Lazlo, Penny, & Mercedes. "Do you three wanna be on my team?" she asked them. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Yep." Penny replied. "Of course, _P_." Mercedes finished. "Alrighty then." Patsy said as she started making a snowball. Edward & Stewie had Nina & Double D on their team. "Alright, bitches!" Edward started. "In order to beat the others, we must create somethin', that'll throw a lot of snowballs at once!" "Don't worry, platypus! I got the perfect machine!" Stewie said as he pulled out a bazooka. "What the hell's that?" Nina asked. "This, my dear Nina, is what I like to call; a snowzooka." Stewie said. "A snowzooka?" Double D asked. "Yeah, snowzooka." Stewie said. "All you need to do is, load up some snow & aim it at someone & it shoots 50 to 100 snowballs per second!" To prove this, Stewie aimed it at Chip, Skip, Ed, & Eddy. Stewie shot off 50 to 100 snowballs at them. "**_OW!!_**" Eddy hissed. "Huh?" Ed said stupidly. "_Duh_, what's that white stuff on you, Skip?" Chip asked his twin brother, stupidly. "I don't know, Chip, but the same white stuff is on you," Skip said. "_Duh_." "See?" Stewie asked his team. "_Whoa!_ That was cool!" said his three team members. "Alright! Let's start shootin' & win that cash!" Edward said with an evil grin.

The snowball war started. Everyone, who was good shots, threw their snowballs at the person, who wasn't good at throwing. Patsy's team was throwing a lot of snowballs. Penny just threw a snowball at a nobody, knocking them, dare I say it? Cold. "_Ha!_ Got dat bitch!" she exclaimed as she quickly ducked down as a snowball came from Edward's team. "Good job, _'Nette_!" Mercedes said as she threw a ball at Stewie's head. Patsy threw a snowball at Gretchen. "_Ha! Ha!_ Got your green ass, bitch!" she laughed as she made another ball. Gretchen was cross. "**I'M GONNA, GIT YOU, MONGOOSE!!!!!!!**" she attacked as she threw a snowball, loaded with rocks, towards Patsy's direction. Patsy ducked & the snowball flew past. It kept going, until it hit a window on Peter's brand new car. Peter stomped up to Gretchen. "**MS. GRETCHEN!!!! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY, FOR THAT WINDOW!!!!!**" Peter shouted. "**GAWD DAMMIT!!!**" Gretchen sniffed as she kicked some snow. "_Ha! Ha!_" Patsy laughed at her. Gretchen gave her an evil look. "Fuck you, Patsy!" she sniffed. Then Brian, Jay & Homer dragged Gretchen away. The snowball throwing war continued. Samson's team, Raj's team, Honey's team, Eddy's team, & what's left of Gretchen's team was getting pelted good by Patsy's, Edward's, & Meg's teams. Eddy was cross. "C'mon, stupid!" he shouted at Ed. "Throw a snowball!" Ed threw a old truck tire at the opposing teams. They of course, laughed. "_Oooh!_ A chocolate donut!" Chip exclaimed stupidly. "**I SPOT IT FIRST!!!!!**" Skip hollered as he jumped to the old truck tire. "**Donut!**" Clam shouted. "_Ooooh!_ Chocolate dount!" Homer drooled. "_Arrggggghhh!_" "Where?" Ed asked. "**I WANT IT!!!!**" He jumps to where Chip, Skip, Clam, & Homer were. Neverminding get pelted with snowballs. The snowballs had rocks & cement in them, knocking each of them unconcious. Eddy slapped his head. "Fuckin' idiots!" he muttered as he got hit with the same type of snowball, knocking him unconcious too, making his team officially out of the war & the chance to win the 500,000 dollars.

Lazlo was having a great time. "I've never knew, a snowball war was this fun!" he chirped to Patsy. "Me neither!" she laughed as she threw another ball at Nina, knocking her unconcious. "_Ha!_ Got 'er!" Patsy laughed. Edward responded by shooting a round of snowballs at Patsy's team. Fortunately, they ducked out the way. "_Ha! Ha!_ You missed! Stupid ass n(bleep)a!" Penny laughed as she threw another snowball at Edward, knocking him unconcious. Stewie picked up the snowzooka. "_You!_ Sockheaded boy! Use this!" "What? This?" Double D asked as he caught the weapon. "Yeah. Do it for the sake of the team, _man_!" Stewie demanded. So Double D took the snowzooka & aimed it at the losing teams. It blew them away. Double D was amazed. "Pardon my english, but damn! That shit was cool!" he awed. "See how amazin' it is?" Stewie asked. "**_Yeah!_**" Double D exclaimed as he knocked the losing teams out of the war. "I haven't felt this crazy, since the time, I ate a _Chicken Cordon Bleu_ sandwich!"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Double D was at home. He'd just came back from a _Arby's_. He had set out the food neatly, of course.

Edd:(reading sandwich wrapper) _Chicken Cordon Bleu_? I never had that before.

He opens it. It was a fried chicken breast fillet with swiss cheese, thinly sliced ham between a sesame seed bun. The aroma went to his nose.

Edd:(inhales) _Oh god!_ That smells good! It probably won't taste bad.

He takes a bite from the sandwich. Then he stood up.

Edd: _Holy shit!_ This _is_ delicious! **I MUST HAVE MORE!!!!!!**

He swallows the sandwich in one bite, just like Ed did two chapters ago. He turns his head, sharply.

Edd: **I MUST HAVE MORE OF THAT TASTY SANDWICH!!!!!**

He looks around, but was disappointed to find there wasn't anymore.

Edd: **Dammit! I MUST go back to _Arby's_!!!!!**

It soon cutsaway, to him laying on the street with a full belly. Eddy & Ed walked up to him.

Eddy: Double D. There you are! What are you doin', layin' on the ground?  
Ed: Yeah. You look worst, than I did, after I ate all those truckloads of _McDonald's_ fixings.

Eddy looked at him.

Eddy: Uh, Ed. You didn't ate truckloads. You swallowed the whole truck! _Literally!_  
Edd: Ate....too....much...._Chicken Cordon Bleus_. _(Burp)!  
_Eddy: Well, get up! I need you to build me somethin' for my scam!

He had Ed pick up Double D. Double D was green & looked like he was about to vomit. Ed noticed.

Ed: Uh, Double D's not feelin' so good, Eddy.  
Eddy: Who cares? He'll feel better, when we're eatin' those jawbreakers.  
Edd: _Jawbreakers?!?_

Then Double D vomited, but unfortuantely, he did it on Eddy. The audience laughs. Eddy was covered in chewed up chicken fillets.

Eddy:(disgusted) Uh, forget about the scam, Ed. I-I need a shower, badily.  
Ed:(takes a sniff) What smells like shit? Wait a minute?

He then takes a sniff of his arm.

Ed: _Oh!_ It's me.  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback)_**

There was only three teams lefted. Stewie & Double D, Patsy's team, & Meg's team. Meg walked up to Almondine, Sarah, & Nazz. "So, Almondine. How much more snowballs, do we have left?" she asked. "We've got plenty, Meg." Almondine said. "Sarah's makin' them as fast as we throw them!" It shows Sarah, making the snowballs rapidly. "Okay?" Meg said in a mysterious type of voice. Mercedes threw a rock-filled snowball at Double D. Knocking him down. "I knew, I should've stayed inside." Double D said as he held his aching cheek. Stewie noticed. "_Dammit!_ Looks like, it's up to me!" he sniffed as he picked up the snowzooka. "Take this, _Fancy car girl_!" He shot off rounds of snowballs. "_Oh snap!_" Mercedes called as she & the rest of the team ducked. The snowballs flew by. Penny threw a snowball at Stewie. "_Ha!_ Got ya, kid!" she laughed. "Oh, I don't think so, _hip hop girl_." Stewie started as he aimed the snowzooka at Penny's direction. "It is _I_ who got _you_! Time for iceballs!" Then he turned the knob on the snowzooka from snow to ice. "Say nighty night, _hip hop girl_!" Stewie laughed as he pulled the trigger. The snowzooka started mafunctioning & it blew up into many pieces. Stewie then smiled nervously. "Uh, I love your hair, _hip hop girl_." Penny hit him with a loaded snowball. Knocking Stewie onto the ground. Now his team was officially out of the running for the cash. "Yeah! He's out!" Lazlo cheered. "Don't start celebratin' yet, dear." Patsy said. "We still need to fight, Meg's team." "How are we gonna defeat them?" Lazlo asked. "Sarah's over there, rapidly makin' balls & Meg & Almondine's awesome aimers." "I know, how to get _Angry Red_." Mercedes said as she made a ball of ice. "What's that?" Patsy asked. "It's my patented _Ice Cube_ ball, _P_." Mercedes said. "This'll knock anyone into a high, tripped out state." Then she stands up & throws it at Sarah. Sarah was making snowballs. She turns her head to see a ice covered object coming towards her. One second she sees the object, the next seconds she sees stars & then darkness. "I got yo' ass good!" Mercedes laughed. "Do you got anymore of those _Ice Cube_ _balls_, Mercedes?" Patsy asked. "Yeah, _P_. I got three buckets full." So Patsy grabbed a couple of ice balls. She covered them up in snow, so it'll looks like a normal snowball to the opponets. She then set her sights at Almondine. "This is for hatin' on me, bitch!" Patsy shouted as she threw the ball at the unsuspecting owl. The snow-covered iceball hit Almondine square right in her face. Knocking her onto the snow covered ground. "T-That lil'...." Almondine started before blacking out.

It was two against four now. Peter turned to Brian. "Get ready to pick up the suitcase. Because, this'll end any second now." "Already got it, Peter." Brian said as he held the suitcase full of money. Meg threw a loaded snowball at Lazlo, knocking him down onto the ground. Patsy noticed. "**LAZLO!!**" she cried. "Go on & win it for me, Patsy." Lazlo groaned from the pain from the snowball. Patsy turned to the other team. "**TAKE _THIS_, YOU FAT HOG!!**" she shouted as she threw another snow-covered iceball at Meg, but not before Meg threw a packed snowball at Mercedes, knocking her down. Patsy's iceball hit Meg in the nose, knocking her unconcious. "_That'll_ teach ya!" Patsy sniffed. Nazz was only left & Penny set her sights on the blonde girl. "**THIS IS FOR, HITTIN' _BENZ_. YOU STUPID JESSICA SIMPSON LOOKIN' MUTHAFUCKA!!!**" she shouted as she threw a giant snowball. There was four _IceCubeballs_ in it. The giant snowball hit Nazz right in the arm. "_**Ow!**_ My cheerin' arm!" Nazz cried. Then another snowball hit her in the head, knocking her on the ground. The snowball came from Lazlo. He was weak, but he threw the ball. "That's for knockin' me outta comission!" he sniffed. "**The war's offically over!**" Peter called as he grabbed the suitcase & went towards Patsy's team. "Here ya'll go. Here's the prize money. Enjoy it & all that shit." Then Peter leaves. "Uh, Peter. What about the unconcious campers?" Brian asked. "Jay'll handle it." Peter said. Patsy, Lazlo, Mercedes, & Penny looked at their prize. "_Damn!_ Just look at all dat green!" Mercedes awed. "Lemme see some of dat." Penny said & grabbed some of the money. "What are you doin', Penny?" Lazlo asked. "Just listen." Penny retorted as she went to where Nazz was. Nazz looked up at Penny. Groggy & all. "Did I win?" she asked Penny. "No, but I got some news for you." Penny started sweetly. "W-What is it?" Nazz asked. "**_I_ WON!!**" Penny bragged as she showed Nazz the prize money. "**YA'LL GOT KNOCKED THA FUCK OUT!!!! _BIATCH_!!!!!**" Then Penny laughed & the rest of Patsy's team started laughing as Nazz closed her eyes in disappointment. "**WAKE UP!!!! YOU AIN'T SLEEP!!**" Penny laughed as she kicked Nazz's shin. Nazz opened her eyes & looked up at Penny. "Now, watch me dance wit tha cash yall sorry ass team wanted!" Penny bragged as she started dancing & counting the money, much to Nazz's chargin.

It was sometime later, everyone was back in the cabin. Lazlo was counting out the money & was also giving it to his cabinmates, too. "There all of the cash is all counted for." he said. "So, what do yall wanna do now?" "I dunno." Patsy muttered. "Wanna go out for dinner?" "Yeah. Dat'll be a wise idea for you, _Laz_. To take us out on tha town." Penny added. "Yeah, a wise idea, _G_." Mercedes added. "That's fine with me." Lazlo started. "It stopped snowing. We got money." "How 'bout we eat at dat Ice Cube's new restarunt; _'Friday Mobz'_?" Penny suggested. "Yeah. I've read about dat joint in tha paper." Mercedes said. "But, you have to have a reservation & shit like dat." "Don't worry, 'bout dat, _Benz_." Penny said as she took out her cell phone. "Do you know, tha phone number, _Benz_?" "Yeah. I got tha paper right here." Mercedes said as she gave Penny the newspaper. So Penny dialed the number. There was ringing on the other end. It answered. "_Friday Mobz_?" a person said on the other end. Penny cleared her throat. "Excuse me, but this Robin Givens. I'd had a table for four. I want to cancel that." she said. "Okay, Ms. Givens." the person said. "Thank you." Penny said, still in Givens' voice. Then she hunged up. Everyone looked at her. "What?" Penny asked. "I didn't know, that you can do that, Penny." Patsy awed. "Well, I can, _P_." Penny said in her regular voice. "Now to set up our reservations." Then she turned to Mercedes. "_Benz_, lemme see yo' phone." Mercedes gave Penny her cell phone & Penny dialed the number. "_Friday Mobz_?" the scheduler said. "This is Ms. Annette Smiles. I would like a table for four." Penny said in a british type of voice. "You're lucky, Ms. Smiles. We'd just had a cancellation from Ms. Robin Givens." the scheduler said. "We'll see you here." "Thank you again, my dear boy." Penny said still in british voice & hunged up. "Wow! You're really good." Lazlo said. "Really good." "I know, _Laz_. I know." Penny said. "Let's get all dressed up." Patsy said. "Yeah, dat'll be a wise thing." Penny said. Soon, they were all dressed up in their going anyplace clothes. **A/N: You know, clothes that they were, when they're not at camp.** "Are you ready?" Lazlo asked the three females. "Yeah." Patsy answered. "Yep." Penny said. "Of course." Mercedes finished. "Okay, let's go." Lazlo said as he took out his keys.

It was almost 10:30 by the time they came back. "_Oh god!_ Dat grub was good!" Penny said as she cleaned her teeth with a toothpick. "You can say that again." Patsy laughed as she picked up her nightgown. "That food made me sleepy." Lazlo yawned. "Yo' not tha lone n(bleep)a there, _G_." Mercedes yawned. "I'm tired as hell." Soon Patsy got into her bed. Penny did also. "Did you have fun at tha snowball war, _P_?" she asked Patsy. "I sure did!" Patsy exclaimed. "That was fun!" "I'd enjoyed dat, too! Especially, when we won all dat cash & I'd rubbed it in dat Nazz girl's face!" Penny laughed. Then Lazlo & Mercedes got into their beds now. Patsy turned to Lazlo. "So, did you enjoy the war, dear?" "Yeah. I enjoyed every minute of it." Lazlo said. "Well, except the part when Meg hit me with a snowball. Other than that, it was great!" "Well, G'night, _Benz_." Penny yawned. "G'night, _'Nette_." Mercedes said sleepily as she turned her bedside table lamp off. "Good night, Patsy darling." Lazlo yawned as he snuggled himself up & turned off the light. "Good night, Lazlo dear." Patsy said her final words before falling asleep. "See you in the morning." Soon, the camp was all quiet. All of the cabins dark. It had started snowing again. This new snow will be Brian's & some others chargin in the morning, but I think it's a peaceful way to end the chapter, don't you?


	6. Shopping for gifts & a christmas party

Shopping for gifts & a christmas party

It had snow some more overnight, and much to Brian Griffin's chargin, he was outside shoveling the walks, again this morning. Of course, he hated it. "Hate this fuckin' snow!" he sniffed as he shoveled the snow. He wasn't alone. With him was Gretchen & Eddy. Gretchen was doing this as punishment for accidently throwing a loaded snowball at Peter's brand new car's windshield. And Eddy was doing this, just to get away from Nazz, Sarah, Ed & Double D. "You ain't lyin'!" Gretchen said as she shoveled some load off the sidewalk. "Dis shit's heavy as hell!" "You tellin' me!" Eddy sniffed as he shoveled. That's surprising, because Eddy usually just watch & let Ed or Double D do all of the work. "Thank god, there's a warm front, comin'." Brian said. "That means it'll start rainin' & melt all this." Soon, they were done. "There! All of the walks are cleared." Eddy breathed. "Now, to go back to my magazines!" He leaves. "Gawd, what a asshole!" Gretchen sniffed. "Yeah, cheeky midget, he is." Brian finished.

Peter was at his desk. He was watching tv. He was watching the morning news. He was watching Ollie Williams' weather forecast & also was having himself a beer along with his breakfast.

**_(Cutaway to tv)_**  
Ollie: **IT'S GON'A WARM UP & GO'N RAIN! TEMPERATURE IN THA 50'S!  
_(End short cutaway)_**

"Ah! It's suppose to warm up & rain." Peter said as he finished his beer. Then he looked at his notepad. "I think, I'll let the campers go shoppin' for Christmas gifts." He muttered. "That'll be a wise idea." Then he got on the PA. "_Attention, everyone, attention. Today, everyone's gonna go shoppin' for holiday presents. So, you know the drill. Also, tonight, there's goin' to be a party, to celebrate the holiday, hosted by Ms. Penny, Ms. Mercedes, & Ms. Smiles. If any of you want, to go home to your families for the holidays, then go ahead. I don't care. This is your lovin' scoutmaster._" Peter announced. "Well, might as well tell Cleveland to get the bus." he said as he stood up. He looked over to the clock. It was 8:15. "_Oh!_ The stores ain't opened yet. I got another hour & a half." Then he sat back down in his leather chair & took out a _Playboy_ magazine.

Everybody was up in Lazlo's cabin. Patsy was reading her jewerly magazine. Lazlo was typing something on his laptop. Penny & Mercedes was playing indoor basketball, by throwing a crumpled up ball of paper into the waste basket. Penny was trying to block Mercedes' shot. "Try & block this, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she was about to make the shot. "Oh, I will, _Benz_." Penny said. "I will." So, Mercedes let go of the paper ball to made the shot. Penny tried to block the shot, buy unfortunately she missed. The paper ball bounced off the wall & fell onto the floor. "Dammit!" Mercedes & Penny sniffed in unision. Patsy looked at them. "What's wrong, now?" she asked. "It's just, playin' ball wit just a crumpled up paper ball & a trash can for a hoop, really sucks, _P_!" sniffed Penny. "Yeah. Playin' ball hasn't been tha same, since dat damn rhino purposely broke our old net!" Mercedes sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
This happened when Clam & Raj was still in the cabin with the other four. Anyway, Clam was bored to death.

Clam:(yawns) Clam's bored.  
Raj: So? Don't look at me to suggest somethin' to ya. Think of it for yourself!  
Clam:(cross) Okay! _**I**_ **WILL!!!!**

So Clam sat on his bed & thought. Until an idea popped into his head.

Clam: I got it! I can play basketball, with Penny & Mercedes' b-ball hoop!

Then he grabs his handy basketball, which was under his bed, & starts playing with it. Then he runs down to where Penny's & Mercedes' hoop was & dunks the ball so hard, that the entire backboard broke off the wall. Raj noticed.

Raj: See what you did! Penny & Mercedes is gonna kick your ass!  
Clam: No, need to worry! I can fix it!  
Raj: _Ha!_ You can't even put your shirt on the right side. So how can you think, you can fix their hoop?

It shows Clam with his shirt inside-out. He was cross.

Clam: **CLAM'LL SHOW YOU!!!**

Then he grabs some glue & glue the broken hoop back together again. He'd just got done gluing the last piece on the hoop, when Penny & Mercedes comes into the room.

Raj: Oh shit! Here they come, Clam.  
Clam: _Ha!_ Clam's done!

Then he rushed up to the wall & hunged up the hoop. Then he went back to his bed, looking innocent.

Penny: So, _Benz_. Do you wanna play ball?  
Mercedes: Yeah! Dat sounds like a wise idea, '_Nette_!  
Penny: Aight, then!

Then she gets her basketball. Clam runs up to her.

Clam: No! You can't play basketball, here!  
Penny: Why in tha hell not?  
Clam: Uh,....Squeeze on my nuts!  
Penny:(disgusted from what Clam had said) **GIT YO' ASS AWAY FROM ME!**  
Clam: No, I really mean it! Squeeze on my nuts!

He takes out a jar of walnuts.

Penny: Oh. Lemme see those!  
Mercedes: And I'll take tha ball!

Penny squeeze Clam's nuts/walnuts, while Mercedes go ahead to make the shot. Clam being distracted, didn't notice her running up to the glued-up basketball hoop to make a dunk. She makes the dunk. Clam turns his head.

Clam: **WAIT!!!**

But it was too late. The basketball hoop rebroke into pieces. Mercedes & Penny was amazed. And cross.

Clam: Uh oh!  
Mercedes: I know, I didn't dunk dat hard now!  
Clam:(sweating nervously now) Uh, yes you did!

Then Mercedes looks at the broken backboard pieces. She touches the still wet glue.

Mercedes: **OY! SOME ASSHOLE BROKE OUR NET & TRIED TO GLUE IT BACK TOGETHER, WIT SOME SORRY ASS GLUE!**  
Raj: Clam broke it.  
Clam:(turns angrily at Raj) **Fuck you!**  
Penny: **YOU CHEEKY, HORNED NOSED C(bleep)T!!! YOU BROKE OUR NET!!!**

Clam:(smiles nervously & sweating up a storm) Uh, Clam sorry? Heh, heh!  
Mercedes: _'Heh, heh!'_, Hell!

audience:(laughs)  
Mercedes: We're gonna hurt yo' ass!  
Penny: Where's tha pliers?  
Raj: Why you need it?  
Penny: 'Cause, I'm gonna squeeze on his _nuts_ for real!

So Raj gave Penny the pliers & Mercedes knocked Clam onto the floor, holding him down.

Mercedes:(smiling devilishly) Got 'im, _'Nette_!  
Penny:(also smiling devilishly) Time to destroy this n(bleep)a's balls! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Penny continued her evil laughter, as she got closer to him with the pliers. Clam was scared.

Clam: **THIS IS GONNA SUCK WORST THAN......**

But Clam was immediately cutoff, as the scene faded out to black. The sound of fabric ripping & Clam hollering played in the background. Penny, Mercedes, & Raj laughed evily, also.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Whoa! Where did you get the idea, to pull off his, uh, balls with pliers?" Patsy asked. "Uh, from a book, dat a homey of mine's, written." Penny started as she pulled out a book from out of nowhere. "It's called; _'How to really ruin a man'_ by Ashley Spinelli." "I wonder, what made her write that book?" Lazlo wondered. "I don't know. She wouldn't tell me." Penny said. "I think, I know." Mercedes said.

_**(Cutaway)  
**_Spinelli had TJ tied up, in her bed. TJ had a worried look on his face, while Spinelli looked pissed, which was her normal expression.

Spinelli: **_YOU_ MAKE _ME_ SICK!**  
TJ: W-What I do?  
Spinelli: **YOU KNOW, DAMN WELL, WHAT YOU DID!!! I SAW YOU, DROOLIN' OVER SOME SLUT, WHEN YOU KNOW DAMN WELL, THAT YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP!**  
TJ: But-But-But S-S-Spinelli....  
Spinelli: Don't you, _'but-but-but s-s-spinelli'_ me! I've warned you plenty of times, but your stupid ass won't listen! Do you remember, what I said, if I caught you eyein' other girls?  
TJ:(scared) Y-Y-You'll hurt me?  
Spinelli:(picking up some old rusty pliers & a switchblade) That's right, Teej! So, say goodbye to your nuts!  
TJ: **NO! NOT MY FELLAS!**

Spinelli:(smiling deviously) Oh yes! You've been warned too many times, you cheeky c(bleep)t!!! **NOW _YOU_ PAY!!!!**

Then Spinelli laughs evily, as she got closer to her-soon-to-be-ex boyfriend with the pliers & switchblade. TJ was scared.

TJ:(struggling to get free) **SPINELLI! I'M SORRY!!!! PLEASE DON'T.....**

He was cutoff as the scene fades to black. The sound of pants being ripped, TJ screaming, & Spinelli's evil laughter plays in the background. The scene then shows Spinelli wiping blood off her switchblade & the rusty pliers.

Spinelli: Serves him right! He ain't gonna be _hard_ for a while! I think, I should write a book, about how to handle a cheatin' man.

She then goes to her desk & opens her laptop. She starts typing.

Spinelli: _How to really ruin a man_. _Ha!_ I like that title! Now since, that TJ's no longer, my boyfriend. I can finally, concentrate on my other crush!

Then the tomboyish 15 yr. old girl takes out a medium-sized paper. It was a photo. The boy on the photo, was Double D. Spinelli drooled a bit at the photo.

Spinelli:(touches the photo of the sockheaded boy) Someday, you'll be all mine's, but I have to get rid of that blue-haired trailer trash & that redheaded bitch! One of these days, I'm gonna beat everyone up for you.

She looks at the photo again.

Spinelli: Gee, I wonder, what's under his hat?  
Fouad: _Ohohoho!_ Is funny because, she's in love with that Double D sockheaded boy! They wear the same type of hats & they almost look alike! _Ohohoho!_  
audience:(laughs & applauses)  
Spinelli:(sarcastic) Thank you, Fouad. It's nice, havin' you in my room.  
Fouad: Ohohoho! Now you funny, too! _Ohohoho!_  
Spinelli:(sighs) Fouad, everyone.  
audience:(applauses)  
Spinelli: Hopefully, I get to be in a fic with him, soon!  
_Homeydaclown:_ _Don't worry, Spinelli. After this holiday fic is over, you'll be in my Ed, Edd n Eddy/Recess fic & Another year at Camp Griffin fic; chapter 5._  
Fouad: Ohohoho! Is funny because, he broke the fourth wall! Ohohoho!  
audience:(laughs)  
_Homeydaclown:_ _Fouad, everyone._  
audience:(applauses)  
Fouad: Thank you! I like making appearances!  
Ollie: **FOUAD! SHUT UP & GIT OUTTA HERE!! THA GIRL'S TRYIN' TO WORK!!! CUTAWAY TOO LONG!**  
Spinelli: Thanks Ollie. Mr. Homeydaclown. Can you end the cutaway now? I need to type my book.  
_Homeydaclown: That's sounds like a wise idea, Spinelli. Back to the fic!  
**(End cutaway)**_

"So, that's what happened?" Lazlo wondered. "Yep!" Penny said as she read through the book. "Dat's what happened alright." "Hmmm?" Lazlo muttered. "What is it, dear?" Patsy asked him. "_Oh!_ Nothing, Patsy." Lazlo said as he smiled at her. "I was just thinkin', how painful it it to be TJ! It'll be very painful indeed!" "Yeah." Penny said as she put her friend's book away. "I wonder, if _greasey's_ gonna let some of us go home for tha holiday?" Mercedes wondered. "Why you asked that? Do you wanna go back home?" Patsy asked her. "No. I was just wonderin', _P_," Mercedes laughed. "Well, he do." Lazlo started. "And we all get our gifts mailed to us." "Oh. Dat's great." Mercedes said. "I thought, I have to drive all tha way, back to tha _windy city_!" "I wonder, what's on?" Patsy asked as she picked up the remote for the tv. "Probably, shit." Penny sniffed. "You know, tha crap dat's on in tha mornin'." "Yeah." Patsy muttered. "Local news, National news, _PBS_ as I like to call it, _'Public Bull Shit'_, & other gay shit." "_Public Bull Shit_." Lazlo laughed. "I like that!" "I like dat too." Penny laughed. "It's a good name for dat crappy network!" "Yeah, especially, their weekday, line-up!" Mercedes laughed. "'_Wordgirl'_? What kind of gay shit is dat?!? A 8 yr. old girl, who loves to define tha simpliest words to extremely stupid villians, dat don't have a single smart brain cell in their heads!" "Yeah. They use stupid shit like; meat, cheese, rats, robots & other gay shit to defeat, well, _try_ to defeat her." Patsy sniffed. "Dumb asses!" Lazlo laughed. "If one of them did grew a brain, they would get a gun & blast that slut away!" "And what's up wit dat monkey? All he ever does is scratch his ass & throw shit!" Penny sniffed. "Literally." "While, we're talkin' about tv shows." Mercedes started. "What happened to dat show; _'Roc'_? Does anyone remember dat?" "I remember dat, _Benz_." Penny said. "It was pretty good, til they made it live, which was a dumb move." "Okay?" Lazlo said mysteriously. "So, do you wanna plan for the christmas party?" "It's already planned, dear." Patsy said. "It is?" Lazlo asked. "How?" "It's gonna be tha same ole party, we held last year." Penny answered. "A big ole party?" Lazlo asked. Mercedes, Penny, & Patsy nodded. "Oh! Well, hopefully, dumb Clam won't eat all of the food again!" Lazlo sniffed. "Yeah, what a loser!" Patsy sniffed. "So, _Benz_. Do you wanna play pool wit dat Almondine, dat midget, & Edward?" Penny asked. "Yeah. I wanna make a fool outta dat midget!" Mercedes laughed. So they leave. "Wanna watch, that _youtube_ footage of George W. Bush gettin' hit with a shoe?" Patsy asked Lazlo. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. So Lazlo got onto Patsy's bed and Patsy got out her laptop & went to youtube.

It was almost 10:15 now. Brian had called everybody to the camp's parking lot. Most of the campers, were already in their vehicles. Peter was standing there, eating a large pepperoni, sasuage, & ham pizza. "Alright then, old chaps." he said, doing his pissing people off with his british accent bit. "When we get to the mall, go shop for gifts & do anythin' else. When you get done, meet me....." "Yeah! Yeah! Back at the food court!" all of the campers moaned. "Yeah. Yeah. We know. We know!" "T-That's right." Peter said stunned. Then he turned to Cleveland. "Alright, Cleveland. Get the bus started. That'll be a wise thing." "Alright, Peter." Cleveland said as he started up the bus. The campers, that can't drive, complained as they got onto the cold, smelly bus. Penny started up, her ride. "What a fat bastard!" she sniffed as she fasten her seat belt. Soon, everyone was at the mall. Lazlo got out of his truck. He opened a black bag. It was his half of the prize money, he, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes won in last chapter's snowball war. "Now to get Patsy's earrings, & Penny's & Mercedes' new basketball hoop." Lazlo said as he closed up the black bag & put it underneath the driver's seat. In the mall, Patsy, Penny, Sarah & Nazz was in the Best Buy. Sarah & Nazz was looking at the PS3's. "Oh, I bet Eddy might love this!" Nazz said as she picked up the _PS3_. "Yeah. Hopefully, it'll keep him & Ed quiet." Sarah laughed. Patsy & Penny was looking at some digital cameras & camcorders. Patsy picked up a digital camera. "I wonder, if Lazlo would like a digital camera?" she wondered. "Don't he already got one? In his ride?" Penny asked. "I don't think so." Patsy muttered. Penny picked up a camcorder. "How 'bout you get _Laz_ a camcorder? So you can strip for him & make a dvd at tha same time." she laughed. "Penny, shut up." Patsy sniffed. "The digital camera's, the perfect gift." Penny went over to where the cd & dvd players were. "Maybe, he'll like a brand new _blue-ray player_." she muttered to herself, as she picked up the blu-ray player & went to the checkout.

Meanwhile, Lazlo was at the jewelry store. He was looking at a pair of diamond earrings. "_God!_ All of these earrings look very beatuiful!" he awed. He kept looking through them, until he found the right pair. "Those are the ones, I want!" Lazlo said to the jeweler. "Okay sir." the jeweler said as he took out the pair of diamong earrings. "2.50 carats diamond earrings with the 18kt white gold. That'll be $8,940 dollars, please." So, Lazlo payed for Patsy's gift. "Thank you, sir. Have a nice, uh, holiday. Yes?" the jeweler said as he counted Lazlo's money. "Now, with that done. I need to get Penny's & Mercedes' gift." He goes to the sports supply store. The Eds went to the same jewelry store, that Lazlo lefted. Ed was wondering, why they was there. "Eddy. What are we doin' in a borin' ole ring store?" he asked. "Me & Double D, are gettin' Nazz & Sarah somethin' for christmas, asshole." Eddy answered. "Why not give them, somethin' better than rings." Ed said. Eddy turned to him. "Like _what_?" Eddy asked, getting mad at Ed. "You can," Ed started, before he picked his nose. "Give her boogers!" "_Ed!_ What the hell's wrong _with_ you!?" Eddy asked him. "You don't give girls boogers! You give them jewelry & shit like that." "What make you think, that females like dried nasal mucus, Ed?" Double D asked. Ed looked at him. "What?" the idiot asked. "Never mind. Now, let's get the jewelry. That'll be a wise thing." Double D said, as he rolled his eyes. So Eddy & Double D went to the counter, while Ed sat in the corner. The jeweler noticed them. "How can I help you fine sirs?" "We're looking for something with diamonds." Double D started. "**Somethin' with gold!**" Eddy exclaimed. "You're lucky. The last customer, wanted an earring with white gold & 2.50 carat diamond. So, the case is out." the jeweler said. "Look through it." So, Double D looked through it. Eddy wanted something else. "Do you got any rings?" "Of course we do, sir." the jeweler said as he took out the rings. Eddy looked through them, until he found the right one. "That's it!" he called to the jeweler. "That's the one!" "Ah! The 14K Yellow Gold 1/3 Carat Leo Diamond Solitaire." the jeweler said. "Nice choice, sir. That'll be $1,299.99, please." Eddy took out his checkbook. "Do you take checks?" he asked. "Yeah." the jeweler answered. So Eddy wrote out the check as Double D picked up a 1.75 carat diamond earring. "_She's gonna love this!_" he said to himself as he went to the counter. The jeweler added up the price for it. "That'll be $5,250 dollars." "$5,250? I thought, it was gonna be more." Double D said to himself. Soon, Eddy & Double D got their gifts & went to Ed, who was picking his nose & wiping it on the chair. "C'mon Ed. Let's go." Eddy said to the moron. "Can we get some burgers?" Ed asked stupidly. "My dear Ed. We're here to buy christmas presents for loved ones, not to nourish." Double D said. Ed & Eddy looked at him. "What?" Double D asked. "You said, 'my dear Ed', Double D. You sound _so_ gay!" Eddy laughed. "Yeah, Double D." Ed laughed. "You sound gayier than, uh...what I was doin' again?" "Let's just go!" the sockheaded boy sniffed. So they left.

Mercedes just got done buying gifts for her cabinmates & was resting on a bench. "_Ah!_ I got _'Nette_ a brand new personal dvd player, _P_ a cd player, & _Laz_, a mp3 player. Now I can rest." She wasn't resting long, before Quagmire appeared. "Hey, Mercedes." he said as he did his trademark headbop. "_Oh god!_" Mercedes groaned as she rolled her eyes. "What do you want?" "I was wonderin', how you're doin'." Quagmire said as he sat right next to her. "I'm doin' good." "So, you brought all of your presents?" Quagmire asked. "What's up wit tha third degree?" Mercedes asked angrily. "I-I was just havin' a conversation, M-Mercedes." Quagmire stuttered. "Dat's it! I'm out!" Mercedes sniffed as she grabbed her shopping bags & lefted. "See you at the party, later!" Quagmire called after her. Just then, Gretchen appeared. "Hey! Are you flirtin'!?" she sniffed. "Uh,..." Quagmire stuttered, before being hit in the chin by the alligator. "**CHEEKY ASS BITCH!**" Gretchen sniffed. "Just for dat! You don't git yo' christmas presents!" "Oh, come on!" Quagmire cried. "I need my presents!" "You should of thought of dat, before you started flirtin'!" Gretchen attacked. "**Dammit!**" Quagmire sniffed as he kicked a nearby can on the ground.

Soon everyone was at the food court with Peter. Peter was, like always, was eating. He was eating ten large pizzas. Mercedes, Penny, Patsy, & Lazlo was watching. Mercedes leaned over to Patsy. "Hey _P_. Watch this." Then she turned to Peter. "Hey _greasey_. I bet, dat you can't eat all those pizzas, under three minutes." "How much are you willin' to bet?" Peter asked. "I'm willin' to bet, all of my prize money!" Mercedes said as she set the rest of her prize money on the table. "Okay, Ms. Benz." Peter said. " If I win, you have to wear my dirty underwear." "Aight, if I win. Yo' gonna have to help out at our party & pay 1,000 in cash." Mercedes said. Peter thought about it. "Okay. It's on!" he said as he shook Mercedes' hand. Patsy counted down the seconds. "3...,2.....,1.... _**GO!**_" she shouted. So Peter started eating the second of 10 pizzas. The pizzas had thick, doughy curst, which made it hard for him to eat. He threw the cursts away. Mercedes noticed. "Ah! **AH!** You have to eat tha cursts, too!" she said. "_Oh man!_" Peter muttered as he ate the leftovered pizza cursts. "_Ha!_ That's gonna slow him down, Mercedes." Patsy said. "Good thinkin', _Benz_." Penny laughed as she looked at her watch. "He's already wasted fourty seconds!" "He'll never gonna make it!" Lazlo sniggered. Two more minutes goes by. Peter was struggling. "I-I-I can't do it!" he cried. "Too....much.....dough & sauce & cheese & pepperoni & ham & olives & jalapenos & sasuage & mushrooms & _Pepsi_!" "Ha! Ha! He's 'bout to faint!" Penny laughed. "Looks like you win, _Benz_!" "I'm not gonna lose, to a mongoose!" Peter said, struggling to chew. "**I'M NOT!!!**" Then he faints onto the table. "**I WIN!!!!**" Mercedes called. "See you at tha party, wit my green!" Peter just moaned.

It was sometime later now. Penny, Mercedes & Patsy was setting out stuff for the christmas party. Patsy was setting out the food. Penny was getting the music & Mercedes was getting the sodas. "This is gonna be one, tight ass party, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she set some sodas on the table. "It sure will." Penny said. Just then, two ignored characters, Joker & Mario comes into the scene. "_Ooooh!_ Look-a we-a gotta here!" Mario awed. "It's called, settin' up a party, stupid!" Patsy sniffed. "Don't call my bro, 'stupid'. _'Ho_!" Joker said in his brother's defense. "What did you call me?" Patsy asked astounded. "A muthafuckin' 'ho!" Joker repeated smugly. Patsy then grabbed Joker by his throat. "You're gonna regret sayin' those words." Patsy said in an evil voice. Then she threw him outside & started beating his ass. Penny & Mercedes went outside to watch. "Go _P_!" Penny called. "Beat dat bastard's ass!" Mercedes called. Patsy totally whooped Joker's ass. He was beaten & bloody. "That'll teach ya!" Patsy sniffed as she dusted herself off. "Dat's showin' him, _P_!" Penny praised. "Yeah." Mercedes added. "Dat was tight!" "Thanks. Now let's get back to the preparations." Patsy said. "That'll be a wise thing." Soon, everyone was arriving at Penny, Mercedes, & Patsy's party. "I hope, it's the same type of party like last years." someone said. "Yeah, just as long, there's plenty of food." said somebody else. Peter was at the condiments. Mercedes walked up to him. "**Fool!**" she shouted. "**AHHH!**" Peter screamed. "I want you to stand there, & make sure dat damn rhino doesn't eat all of tha grub." Mercedes said. "I will, Ms. Mercedes." Peter saulted. "And you don't eat any, _eitha_!" Mercedes sniffed. "Don't worry. I won't be eatin' for a while." Peter groaned as he burped the taste of the pizzas, he ate. "Oh god! I haven't felt this bad, since the time, I ate that fish."

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was eating a fried flounder, along with some french fries & a drink. The fish was huge & Peter was having a hard time eating it.

Peter: Oh god! Fish.....too....large! Can't finish it!

Then he pushes the plate away. Peter held his stomach in pain.

Peter: Maybe, some _Pepto-Bismol_, will settle my stomach.

So he takes the medicine & goes to bed. Sometime later, Peter & Lois was in bed. Peter was having more pains & was farting a whole lot more than usual. Lois was awoken by it.

Lois:(cross) Peter! Stop that damn farting!  
Peter: I can't help it, Lois. It's that fish, you cooked. It's makin' me fart more than usual.  
Lois: Well, go to the bathroom & do it there.  
Peter:(holds his stomach, like he's has diarrhea) **THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA!!**

He runs to the bathroom & sits on the toilet. Nothing happens.

Peter: C'mon! I know, I gotta.....

Just then, his stomach rumbles louder now. His entire body starts shaking.

Peter: This can't be good. Or _is_ it? Yeah, it's good.

Then his brain becomes huge.

Peter: 2+2=4. Cartoons are entertainment. _The Godfather_ is the best movie, in the history of motion pictures. Glorious day! I'm smart!

He then farts; his entire body & the entire house explodes. The audience laughs.  
_**(End Flashback)**_

The Eds, Sarah, & Nazz was standing by the door. Ed was enjoying the food. Double D was talking to Sarah. Eddy & Nazz was drinking soda. Stewie noticed them. "I say, you five. What are you doin' loitering by the enterance?" he asked smugly. "Because, we can kid!" Eddy retorted crossly. "Why is it, any business of yours?" "Because, it is!" Stewie sniffed. "That's it! I'm gonna tell _fancy car girl_ & _hip hop girl_!" "Go ahead! We don't care!" Eddy shouted after him. "Mercedes, Penny & me are cool!" "Uh, Eddy. Do you mean; Mercedes, Annette, & I?" Double D asked, correcting him. "Fuck you, sockhead!" Eddy sniffed crossily. Sarah turned to Double D. "I like the way, you corrected him, Double D!" she praised. "Why, thank you, Sarah." Double D said as he blushed a bit. "What?" Ed said stupidly. Just then, Stewie came back with Mercedes & Penny. "So, what's tha problem?" Penny asked the five partygoers. "The baby is, like, botherin' the fuck outta us." Nazz answered. Mercedes turned to Stewie. "Kid. Stop fuckin' around wit tha peeps! They here to have fun. Not be hassled by tha man." "Do dat one more time and I'll send you to do 'toilet duty'." Penny sniffed. "**No! Not that!**" Stewie cried. "I-I'll be good! I promise!" Then he put his left hand over his heart & raised his right hand. A halo appeared over his head as the audience laughed. "Whatever. Cheeky lil' c(bleep)t!" Mercedes sniffed as she, Stewie & Penny lefted. Lazlo & Patsy was sitting off in a corner, out of the way of the partygoers. They was talking. "So, Lazlo dear." Patsy started. "Do you wanna tell me, what you got me for christmas?" "Oh no. I can't tell you that, Patsy." Lazlo said. "That'll ruin the surprise for you." "Ah, come on." Patsy said as she twist a strand of her pink hair with a finger. "But, I'm gonna tell you this." Lazlo started. "It's something, that you always wanted." Patsy turned her back from him. "_Yes!_" she said to herself. Then she turned back to Lazlo. "So, are you enjoyin' this party, dear?" "Yes, Patsy. It's a great party." Lazlo said. "There's lots of food. Christmas decorations. 90's rap music playin'. It's warm out & I have you, sittin' next to me." Then Lazlo thoroughly looked over Patsy. "Wearin' a red holter-top, black mini-skirt, & black heels. With your hair, tied up in a neat bun! Oh god! You look fine!" Patsy blushed. "Oh thank you, dear. It's was my idea, for Penny, Mercedes, & I to wear these." "Very smart choice, sweetie." Lazlo said. "Very smart." Patsy looked at her watch. It was almost time for the sun to set. "D'you wanna watch the sunset?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo replied. So they both lefted the party to go outside.

The party was going very well. Raj was spining records, much to the disappointment to the others campers. Meg was making fun of Chris, Brian was getting drunk, Peter made sure, Clam didn't eat all of the food, Edward & Stewie made sure, that no one overflowed the toilet, & Penny & Mercedes made sure everyone was having a great time. Lois was talking to Quagmire. "Penny, Mercedes, & Patsy sure can throw a party, eh Lois?" he asked the big nosed woman. "Yes, they can." Lois replied. "I wonder, where's Peter?" "Didn't you hear? He placed a bet against, Mercedes & he lost. Now he has to keep an eye on the food, make sure Clam doesn't eat all of it." Quagmire explained. "_Hmmph!_ I'm not surprised!" Lois sniffed. "He was always losin' at bets. Just like the time..." Just then Penny walks up. "You! Big nostrils! What are you doin' here?" she asked rudely. "This party's for gs, playas, pimps, homeys, & smart asses!" "It's america, missy." Lois retorted smugly. "I can be at any party, I want." "She's right, Penny." Quagmire said. Penny was about to explode, then an evil idea popped into her head. "Aight, Lois. You can stay." Lois & Quagmire gave each other a conceited, _'Ha! We win & you lose_' look. "But I have to put you to work." Penny finished. "That's alright with me." Lois said. "I can do anything. _**ANYTHING!!**_" Penny smiled evily. "Are you sure 'bout dat? This is a lil', I mean, way outta yo' league." "If it's outta my league. I'll do it you lil' bitch!!" Lois exclaimed.

**_(Cutaway to the bathroom)_**  
Lois was holding a plunger. Lois was disgusted.

Lois: Maybe, I should of kept my mouth shut. Well, at least Stewie's off toilet duty.

Just then, Mercedes walked up to her.

Mercedes: _'Nette_ told me 'bout how, yo' willin' to do anything. So, you got another job, dat you also have to do.  
Lois:(rolls her eyes) What is it?  
Mercedes: You get to do, 'trash duty'. Here!!

Then she throws a big, smelly, nasty big of trash at Lois. Mercedes & the audience laughs.

Lois: _What!?_ Trash duty!  
Mercedes: Yeah. When you, throw those in tha dumpsta. Get in there and stomp all dat shit down in there, barefoot.  
Lois: **WHAT!?!**

Mercedes laughs as she leaves, to go back to the party.

Lois: I known, I should've lefted the party. I known, I should've.  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End cutaway)_**

Outside, Patsy & Lazlo was at Lake Griffin, watching the sun set. The setting sun was reflecting of the lake. "Oh, Lazlo. Isn't it wonderful?" Patsy asked. "Oh, yes it is." Lazlo replied. Then he thought of something. "Uh, Patsy. Do you feel like, we're not alone?" "What do you mean, honey?" Patsy asked as she turned to see Eddy, Nazz, Double D & Sarah. "Oh." Patsy muttered. "Like, don't mind us." Nazz said. "We're doin' the same thing as ya'll." Sarah added. "Okay?" Patsy said mysteriously. "That's fine with us." Lazlo said. "Uh, where's Ed?" "He's still at the party." Double D said. "Eating & drinking." "What a ass!" Eddy laughed. "Anyway," Patsy interrupted. "This'll probably, be the last sunset like this for at least, the season." "Yeah." Lazlo muttered. "It's so rare to even see the sun in December." Double D said matter of factly. "Yeah." Patsy said. The sun had finally set & the evening stars was coming out now. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "Well, do you wanna go back to the party?" Lazlo asked her. "Yeah. I need to make sure, it's not goin' down the fuckin' toilet." Patsy laughed. So, the two went back to the party. "That sounds like a wise idea." Double D said. "Yeah. We need to check on Ed." Eddy added. "That's fine with me." Sarah said. "Totally." Nazz added. So the four went back to the party.

Back at the party. The partygoers was getting pissed at Raj's record spining. "_Boo!_ Dis dude sucks!" Joker sniffed. "**Get off the stage!**" Clam shouted. Raj gave Clam an evil look. "How _dare_ you?" "Well, you did it to me. Now, I'm doin' it to you!" Clam sneered. Penny came up to Raj. "You heard 'em. Get yo' ass outta here & let someone, who can rap, can." She throws Raj, his turntable, & his records into the crowd. The crowd threw him out of the lodge. "Thank god!" Penny sniffed, as she dusted off her red halter-top. "Hey! Sing _Hip Hop Hooray_!" someone called out to her. "Sing _Hit 'em up_!" called somebody else. "_**Hip Hop Hooray!**_" shouted the first nobody to the second. "_**Hit 'em up!!!**_" shouted the second nobody. Then the two nobodys started fighting. Mercedes separated them. "**SHUT THA FUCK UP!!!!!**" she exclaimed as she threw the second nobody, which was that annoying bear kid, into a wall. Mercedes went towards him. "**GET THA FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!**" Everyone moved out of her way as she drugged the stupid bear to the enterance. She threw him out. He lands next to Raj. Raj notices him. "Why did you get thrown out?" he asked. "I got thrown out, 'cause I started a fight." the bear said. Just then Joe rolled up to them. "Alright, you two. You get to help me, unload the packages from the _FedEx_ van." he said. "What!?" the two thrown out rejects asked. "Yeah. That was the deal; Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes made with me." Joe explained. "**NOW, GET TO IT!!!!!!!**" "Oh, man." the dumbass bear said. "You always, sayin' that!" Raj sniffed. "**SHUT UP & GET THE PACKAGES!!!!!!**" Joe shouted at them. Back at party. Everyone was still murmuring over what happened. "**Aight, shut tha fuck up!!**" Penny shouted. Everyone looked at her. "I'll rap both songs. Is dat aight wit yall?" "Yeah!" everybody else responded. "Aight then." Penny started. "_Benz_, start tha music!" So Mercedes put in Naughty by nature's _Hip Hop hooray_ in the cd player & put it on the instrumental mode and Penny started rapping right away.

It was 11:00 now. Everyone's heading back to their cabins. Ed had ate a whole lot. He had a full belly. Eddy was steadying his balance. "Damn, Ed! You heavy!" Eddy sniffed. "Why, thank you!" Ed said stupidly. "Fuckin' idiot!" Eddy retorted. "Why, thank you!" Ed answered stupidly, as the audience laughed. Penny, Mercedes, Peter, & Patsy was cleaning up, when Lazlo walked up to Patsy. "Do you need help, Patsy?" he asked. "No, thank you, dear." Patsy said. "There's very little to clean." "Well, I'm gonna wait, til you get done anyway." Lazlo said. Mercedes was clearing the table with Peter. She turns to him. "Do you want tha rest of this grub?" "No." Peter answered. "You don't have to eat it right away." Mercedes started. "I meant, take it. Put it in yo' fridge, & eat it for leftovers." "_Oh!_ That." Peter muttered. "Yes, of course, I'll take it, Ms. Benz. Thank you." Soon, they was done. "Well, dat's it!" Penny said as she dusted her hands off. "Everythings clean & shit like dat. Time to hit tha bed." "Yeah, that sounds like a wise thing, Penny." Patsy yawned. "I'm tired as hell." Peter had all of the food. "Alrighty. I got everything. Everyone's outta here. Things are straightened up. Time to go!" So Peter locks up the lodge.

Now Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was getting ready for bed now. Lazlo just got done brushing his teeth & putting on his pjs. He was getting in his bed now. "Oh god! That was some party." Lazlo laughed. "It sure was." Penny said as she got into her bed. "I'd enjoyed it." Patsy said as she got into her bed. "Especially, the part, when Penny threw Raj out. That shit was funny." "Yeah. Dat sure was." Mercedes laughed as she got into her bed. "I especially loved it, when I threw out dat bear c(bleep)t!" she laughed. "He was whinin' & all dat gay shit." "I'd especially, enjoyed Penny's rappin'." Patsy said. "I'd enjoyed dat part, too." Penny yawned as she turned off her bedside table lamp. "Well, g'night, yall." "Good night." the other three replied. Mercedes yawned. "Good night, you two." "Good night." Lazlo & Patsy said. Lazlo looked at the clock. It was almost 11:30. "Well, it's gettin' late, Patsy." he yawned. "Uh, before you go to sleep, dear." Patsy started. "Didn't you say earlier, that you like my bun?" "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Why you ask?" "Because, I might leave it like that for now on." Patsy said. "But, you already let your hair down." Lazlo asked stupidly. "I can put it back up tomorrow, silly!" Patsy laughed. "Oh, y-yeah." Lazlo laughed nervously from his stupid question. Then he turned off his bedside table light. "Well, g'night, Patsy darling. Sweet dreams." "Good night, Lazlo dear.' Patsy yawned sleepily. "See you in the morning." Then Patsy turned off her light, & went happily to sleep.

Everyone was asleep at Camp Griffin, except Raj, the bear, & Joe. They was still unloading the packages from the FedEx van. "I've got all night, fellas!" Joe shouted to the lacking campers. "I've got _all_ night!" "Oh,...." the bear started, before he was interrupted by Raj. "Don't you say that! Don't you say that fuckin' catchphrase!" he sniffed as he lifted a heavy package from the FedEx van. The bear 'accidently' dropped a package on Raj's foot. Making Raj drop his. "**You fuckin' asshole!! You did that on purpose!!!**" the elephant shouted. Joe saw the whole thing. "**_That's it!_ I'm gonna beat your head in!!**" Then he grabbed the bear & started pounding him to a pulp. Raj & the audience laughed at the idiotic bear's expense.


	7. Mercedes Smiles, the Christmas mongoose

Mercedes Smiles, the christmas mongoose

It has been a couple of days, since the christmas party at Camp Griffin. Everyone was excited today, because today's the special day. It was christmas, but they couldn't tell, because, there all of the snow had melted & the muddy green grass was showing. Some campers, didn't mind, that there wasn't any snow, but they better enjoy it, because according to Ollie, that it's suppose to get bittery cold by the end of the week with a chance of some heavy snow & gusty winds. Anyway, some of the campers, were playing golf. Some of them were playing football & some of them are playing basketball. Brian & Joe was bringing in the packages from the last chapter, into the lodge. "I wonder, if the campers know, if it's christmas?" the white dog asked. "Some of them probably do." Joe said. "And some of them could probably care less. They're too busy doin' activities. Let's get this done, so we can get hammered early." "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea." So they put the camper's packages by the lodge's couch. Then they leave to get buzzed.

Lazlo was on his laptop. He was checking e-malis, just for the sake of it. He had the whole cabin to himself. "Oh, I forgot, today's christmas!" he exclaimed. "I better get Mercedes' & Penny's gifts. It's a good thing, I got Patsy's earrings in my pocket." Then Lazlo turned off his laptop & took out his truck keys. Meanwhile, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was at the pool room. Playing a game against Edward, Stewie, & Lois. The latter was losing, and this was making Edward cross, like most things. "_Dammit!_ How can we be losin'!" he sniffed. "I don't know. I'm shootin' all of the balls right." Stewie said. "I am too, kid." Edward said. "So, this means...." "It means, dat yo' losin', 'cause you got dumb ass, huge nosed Lois on yo' team!!" Penny called out to them. "Hey! Don't call me 'dumb'!" Lois retorted, never minding Penny calling her 'huge nosed'. "Besides, we're playing for fun. Right?" "No. We're playin' for profit, bimbo!" Edward sniffed. "I rest my case!" Penny said. "Fuckin' idiot!" Edward sniffed as he picked up a ball & threw it at Lois. It hit Lois in the head. "_Ow!_ You silly _duck_!" she laughed stupidly. "Let's not start _this_ again!" Edward gritted his teeth angrily. "This is more stupider than the time, the fat man was on, _'Who wants to be a millionare?'_" Stewie sniffed.

**_(Flashback)_**  
Peter was on the game show, _'Who wants to be a millionare'_. Meredith Vieira was talking to him.

Meredith: Up in the hot seat is; Peter Griffin, from Quahog, Rhode Island. It says, that you work at a brewery?  
Peter: That is correct, Meredith.  
Meredith: It also says, that you got a wife & 3 kids?  
Peter: Yeah. They're in the audience.

It then shows Lois with Chris, Meg, & Stewie in the audience. Lois smiles & waves at him.

Meredith: You know the rules & lifelines. Now let's play, _'Who wants to be a millionare?'_.

The audience applauses.

Meredith: Okay Peter. For a $100 dollars. Who played the cantakerous junkman, Fred Sanford, on the show; _'Sanford & Son'_?

A.) Carroll O'Connor

B.) Freddie Prinze, Sr.

C.) Redd Foxx

or

D.) The _Geico_ Gecko

The audience laughs at the last choice.

Peter: Uh, I would like to ask the audience, Meredith.

Meredith look surprised.

Meredith: Alright. Audience, Peter needs your help. On your keypads enter a,b,c or d now.

So the audience voted the results came up.

A.) 5%  
B.) 10%  
C.) 84%  
D.) 1%

Meredith: Uh....  
audience:(laughs)  
Meredith: 84% of the New York audience says, that Redd Foxx, played Fred Sanford. Nothing even comes close to that, Peter.  
Peter: Mmm. I'm still not sure. I would like the 50:50, Meredith.  
Meredith: Computer, please take away the wrong answers.

So the computer takes away the B & D answers, leaving A & C.

Peter: Uh, I'm still not sure. I would like the, phone a friend, please Meredith.

Meredith looks at the audience, with a 'you've got to be kiddin' me!' look on her face. The audience laughs.

Meredith: Who you like to call?  
Peter: Cleveland Brown. He knows about this type of thing.  
Meredith: Okay. We're gonna get Cleveland on the line.

Then a phone ringing sounds plays, until there was a answer.

voice: Yello?  
Meredith: Hello, Cleveland. This is Meredith from; _'Who wants to be a millionare?'_.  
Cleveland: Hey Meredith. I like yo' show.  
Meredith: I've got Peter here. He's stuck on a question.  
Cleveland: Is it tha first one?  
Meredith: Yes it is. Go ahead, Peter.  
Peter: Alright, Cleveland. Who played the cantakerous junkman, Fred Sanford, on the show; _'Sanford & Son'_? Carroll O'Connor or Redd Foxx?  
Cleveland: **YOU GOT TO BE KIDDIN' ME!?! IT'S REDD FOXX, DUMB ASS!!! DON'T YOU REMEMBER WATCHIN' DAT SHOW WIT ME, LAST MONTH!?! GOD!!**

He hangs up. The audience laughs.

Peter: The answer's, A! Carroll O'Connor.

The audience groans.

Meredith: Sorry, Peter. It's C. Redd Foxx.  
Peter: What!  
Meredith: I'm sorry.

Then a border saying, _Total Prize Money with $0_ appeared. A loser stamp was stamped onto his head. The audience laughs.

Meredith: You just sit there, Peter. After the break, we'll be joined by Jodi Fields, from Omaha, Nebraska.

The next contestant waves, as Peter cried.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"**Looks like, we win!**" Patsy shouted. "_**WHAT!?!**_" the opposing team exclaimed. "Yeah, _we_ win!" Penny repeated. "We made tha final shots, while yall was in dat flashback!" "**Dammit to hell!**" Stewie shouted. "Stewie." Lois started. "That's a bad word. _To_." Everyone stared at her. "What?" she asked. "Yo' an idiot!" Mercedes said. Just then, Peter came onto the PA. "_Attention please. It is time, to get your packages now. If you want to, that is. That is all from your caring, loving scoutmaster. Hey Brian. Did you just hear, what I said?_" "_Uh, Peter. The PA's still on._" Brian said. "_It is?_" Peter asked. "_Oh._" Then he went off. Penny turned to Patsy & Mercedes. "Do you wanna get tha packages, now?" "Yeah." Patsy answered. "Dat sounds like a wise idea." Mercedes finished. "Aight then." Penny said as she turned to Edward, Lois, & Stewie. "**Give us, _our_ green!**" Edward, Lois, & Stewie cussed under their breaths, as they gave the three Smiles relatives the money. "Aight! We got our green, now let's get our gifts." Mercedes said. So they leave. Lois looked at Edward. "What?" he asked rudely. "You're a cute lil' toy duck!" Lois awed. "**FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!**" Edward exclaimed angrily as the audience laughed.

At the lodge, most of the campers were opening their packages. Raj was cross to see, what his mom sent him. "A pair of pants? _Damn!_ Mom must be drinkin' again!" he sniffed as he threw the pants into the wastebasket. Clam opened his packages. "**A BRAND NEW BASEBALL BAT!! BRAND NEW GOLF CLUBS!!! A BRAND NEW CD PLAYER & A BRAND NEW FOOTBALL!!**" he exclaimed happily. Then he turned to Raj. "Here." Clam said as he gave Raj the brand new cd player. "What? For me?" the elephant asked. Clam nodded. "This is for, hackling you from the last chapter. You should at least, have one good present this christmas." "Uh, thank you." Raj said as he took the cd player from Clam. The Eds were exchanging gifts. "Here Eddy & Double D!" Ed said as he gave Eddy & Double D their gifts. "Why Ed. How generous." Double D said gayly. "Uh, yeah." Eddy said as he opened his gift. It was a drawing of Eddy. "Uh, gee. Thanks Ed." Eddy said as he posed a fake smile. Double D opened his gift. It was a dead raccoon. "Uh, how interesting." Double D said as he put on a fake smile. "Why thank you." Ed said. Eddy turned to Nazz. "Here's your gift, Nazz sweetie." he said as he gave her a small gift wrapped box. Nazz took it & opened it. She gasped. "Oh, Eddy! It's a _Leo Diamond Solitare_. With the 14K yellow gold band & 1/3 diamond!" she exclaimed. Then she hugged Eddy. "Why thank you, Eddy dear." "Anytime darling." Eddy said as he picked up his gift from her. "Is this for me?" "Yes, it is." Nazz said as she put on her new ring. So Eddy opened his gift. It was a brand new gold watch. "A _JACQUES LEMANS_ Men's Grande Classique Automatic watch! Thank you, Nazz!" Eddy exclaimed as he hugged Nazz. "Like, anytime dear." she answered. Sarah & Double D exchanged gifts. "Lemme see!" Sarah said as she ripped the gift wrapping off. "Ah! A 1.75 carat diamond earrings! Oh thank you, Double D!" she said. "You're welcome, Sarah." Double D said as he opened his gift. "It's a brand new _Webster's dictonary_! Thank you Sarah!" "Open it, dear. There's another, gift for ya!" Sarah said as she put on the earrings. So Double D opened the dictionary, to see a small black box. He opened it. It was a brand new _Timex_ _Ironman_ digital watch. "**A brand _new_ watch!**" Double D exclaimed. "Why thank you, Sarah." "You're welcome, Double D." Sarah said warmly. Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes picked up their packages. "So, do ya'll wanna go back to tha _crib_ & open them there?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Patsy said as she picked up her & Lazlo's packages. "Let's go." They leave and not to soon, because Peter opened his gift & was cross. "**What the _hell's_ this!?!** **Another fuckin' tie! LOIS!!!**" he shouted to the red-headed woman, who happened to be there. She turns to his direction. "Yeah, Peter?" "**WHY THE FUCK YOU BUY ME, ANOTHER TIE!?! HUH?!?**" Peter ranted as some of the other campers turned to watch the situation. "It was on sale." Lois sniffed. "**IT WAS ON SALE, MY _ASS_!!**" Peter sniffed. "**THIS YEAR, YOU WAS SUPPOSE TO BUY ME THAT FLAT SCREEN TV, I'D WANTED LAST YEAR!!!**" "**WHY WOULD I WANNA BUY SOMETHIN', THAT YOU'RE GONNA END UP IGNORING YOUR DUTIES!?**" Lois shouted in response. "**BECAUSE, I'M THE MAN, LOIS!!!**" Peter retorted. "**I'M THE MAN!!!!**" "**WELL, THAT'S WHY THE MAN'S ALWAYS GETTIN' A TIE EVERY CHRISTMAS!!!!**" yelled Lois. "**BECAUSE, OF YOU MACHO ATTITUDE!!!!**" Peter just looked at her. "**WELL, _YOU_ CAN FORGET ABOUT _YOUR_ GIFT, 'CAUSE, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO SOMEONE, WHO DOESN'T TREAT ME, LIKE A FUCKIN' IDIOT!!!**" "**FINE!!!**" Lois shouted as she lefted the lodge. "**FINE!!!**" Peter said as he threw the tie in the trash. Then he turned to everybody else. "**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS STARIN' AT!?! HUH!?!**" Then he grabbed Lois' gift & went to his office & slammed the door behind him. Everybody was silent. Dumb Ed spoke. "**I LOVE SHOUTIN', TOO! GUYS!!!**" he shouted. "Shut the fuck up, Ed!" Eddy ordered. "Shuttin' the fuck up now, Eddy!" Ed said stupidly as he saluted the midget.

Lazlo was back at the cabin. He had Penny's & Mercedes' gifts ready, as well as Patsy's. "_Ah!_ I've got all of their gifts here." Lazlo said as he sat on his bed. "Now, to wait for them." After he got done saying that, the three cousins walked in with their packages. "Hey guys. Uh, what's that you got?" Lazlo asked. "Our gifts from our families, dear." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo's his. Lazlo opened it. It was a box of brand new dvds. "Wow. I got brand new dvds from home." Lazlo awed. "So, _Laz_. Can we get our gifts now?" Penny asked as she sat on her bed. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Who's goin' first?" Patsy asked. "You go first, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said as she took out a bag from out of nowhere. "Here you go, Lazlo dear. Merry christmas." Lazlo opened the bag & was surprised. "Oh my god! A digital camera." he awed. "Somethin' I always wanted. Thank you, Patsy. Thank you." "I knew, you would like it." Patsy said warmly. "I hope you don't mind, that I already used it." "You did?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "That's another gift, I'm gonna give you later." "Aight, my turn." Penny said. "Merry christmas, _G_." Lazlo opened the bag, to see a blu-ray player. " A _Blu-ray_ _player_? God! I always wanted one of these!" he awed. "Thank you, Penny!" "Anytime, _G_." Penny smiled. "Here ya go." Mercedes said as she gave Lazlo a small bag. He opened it. "A _mp3 player_. Thank you, Mercedes!" he exclaimed. "Anytime, _G_." Mercedes said then she turned to Patsy & Penny. "Here yall's gifts." Patsy & Penny opened their bags. "Oh my god! I got a brand new cd player!" Patsy exclaimed. "And I got a brand new personal dvd player!" Penny added. "Thank you, _Benz_!" "Thank you, Mercedes." Patsy said. Then she remembered something. "_Oh!_ Here's you two guys gifts." she handed Penny & Mercedes two small boxes. They opened them. "**Brand new gold chains!!**" they both exclaimed. "Thank you, _P_!" "You welcome." Patsy said. "Here's my gift to you two." Lazlo said as he gave Penny & Mercedes a big bag. "It must be somethin' big, _Benz_." Penny said as she took out the gift from the bag. It was a brand new basketball hoop & backboard. "**OH MY GOD!! A BRAND NEW B'BALL HOOP!!**" Penny exclaimed. "Thank you, _G_!" Mercedes said as she hugged Lazlo. "Y-You're welcome, M-Mercedes." he stuttered nervously. Mercedes than realize what she did. "_Oh!_ S-Sorry for huggin' yo' man, _P_." she said to Patsy. "That's alright, Mercedes." Patsy said. "I know, you couldn't help yourself." Lazlo then turned to Patsy. "Last, but not least. My present to you, Patsy." he said as he took out a small box from his pocket. Patsy took it & opened it. "Are those..." she started. "Oh yes. It's those earrings with the 2.50 carats diamond & the 18kt white gold." Lazlo explained. Patsy grew a wide smile. "Thank you. Thank you! **Thank you, dear!**" she said as she hugged & kissed him. "You're welcome, sweetie." Lazlo said. "But how did you know?" Patsy asked. "I looked at that magazine, you was readin'." Lazlo explained. "Plus, it was circled." "Oh. So I gave that away to ya." Patsy muttered. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Go ahead. Try 'em on." Patsy tried on the earrings. Lazlo looked at her. "Damn, Patsy! You look good!" he awed. Patsy blushed. "Why, thank you honey." "So, are you gonna open your packages?" Lazlo asked the three females. "Packages? _Oh!_ I forgot 'bout dat!" Mercedes said. "Let's." So the three cousins opened their packages. Patsy got a necklace from her mom. Penny got another gold bracelet for her wrist. And Mercedes got a blackberry, a new laptop & a letter. "I like yo' gifts, _Benz_." Penny awed. "Thanks, '_Nette_." Mercedes said. "You've got a letter." Lazlo pointed out. Mercedes picked it up & read it.

_Dear Mercedes the christmas mongoose,_

_Here's a new blackberry phone, & a brand new laptop. This is for doin' so much for us back home, Merry christmas/kwanzaa_

_Love your mom,  
Mom_

"What did you do for them? Why do they call you; _Mercedes, the christmas mongoose_?" Lazlo asked her. "It's somethin', dat I did on one christmas, a few years back." Mercedes said sheepishly. "Was it embarrassing?" Lazlo asked. "Well, no." Mercedes said. "It's a entertainin' story, actually." "Looks like, this is gonna take a while, _P_." Penny said to Patsy. "Yeah. We've heard this before." Patsy said. "Get comfortable, 'cause this is gonna be a long story." Mercedes said. So, Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny layed on their beds. "Aight. This happened 'bout four years ago. It was cold & snowy in _chi-town_." Mercedes started.

**_(Mercedes' story)_**  
This happened in Chicago. The city's mayor & his cronies was at a secret meeting, discussing on redeveloping & bringing some more business to Chicago & the surrounding areas. The head developer was talking. He was that sleezy salesman, that always make Peter fall into his schemes & takes his money.

Head developer: So, Mr. Daley. How 'bout it?  
Daley: I don't know. Where are we gonna put this new development?  
developer:(points at a map of Chicago) Two places. Either at Lincoln Park, where the rich & wealthy are. Or West Englewood, where the medium income familes are!  
Daley: What is the development?  
developer: It's a super, mega mall.  
Daley: Super, mega mall, eh? Well, since Lincoln Park already got those things, & it'll ruin the property values. West Englewood it is!  
cronie#1: Yeah, West Englewood!  
cronie#2: That's the perfect place!  
cronie#3: It'll help bring some good to that side of town.  
cronie#4: This new super mega mall, will be offerin' jobs to the young people.  
cronie#5:_ I_ was the first one, to suggest West Englewood!  
audience:(laughs)

The greedy head developer smiled greedily as dollars signs appeared in his eyes. The news of this redevelopment spread. Anyway, Mercedes was in her room, watching tv. She was watching the lunchtime news. It cutsaway to her tv. A black newsanchor, resembling Ollie Williams, except with a little bit more hair, appears.

Phil Williams: **TODAY, THA MAYOR SAYS, REDEVELOPMENT'S COMMIN' TO WEST ENGLEWOOD!!!! DAT MEANS, LOST HOMES, JOBS, & LIVES!!!! DIS IS BAD!!!!! NOW HERE'S SPORTS WIT SOME WHITE SLUT!!!!!**

Mercedes: _Oh snap!_ I don't like tha sound of this!  
voice: _Oh no!_  
Mercedes: Dat sounds like mom! I better go see, what's wrong.

So she leaves her room, to go downstairs, to see her mom holding a letter.

Mercedes: What's up?  
Tracie: I'd got this letter from tha fuckin' city! They gonna buy up everyone's cribs, to make way for a fuckin' mega mall!  
Mercedes: It's a super mega mall, mom. They just announced it on tha news.  
Tracie: A super mega mall! Dat's just as worst! This is gonna make tha area worst, than it already is!

Mercedes: Does it say, what's gonna happen to everyone?  
Tracie: No, it doesn't. Tha fuckin' c(bleep)ts are probably gonna put everyone on tha fuckin' streets! This news is gonna make yo' father pissed!  
Mercedes: I wish, I can do somethin'!  
Tracie: I wish you can too, Mercedes. But unfortuately, tha city won't listen to us & they more likely won't listen to you.

Tracie then leaves. Mercedes was thinking to herself.

Mercedes: Tha cheeky c(bleep)ts! How dare they? Buy up our crib? There's must be somethin' I can do!

Then Mercedes go up to her, soon to be former room, to think of a plan. Meanwhile, the residents of the area, weren't too pleased, when they heard the news.

resident: **Damn, city hall!!**

resident#2: They can't do this to us!  
resident#3: We should do somethin'!  
resident#2: Like what?  
resident#3: I dunno. I was just makin' conversation.  
audience:(laughs)  
resident#1: Well, we should at least make a plan to do somethin'.  
resident#2: Yeah, we should picket!

All of the rest of the residents agreed with the plan. It was sometime later now. It had started snowing. Mercedes was still in her room. She was looking out the window. She had a good view of the neighborhood & the _CSX/Norfolk Southern_ railroad tracks. There was a train going by. It kicked up the freshly fallen snow as it sped by. Mercedes sighed.

Mercedes: I'm gonna miss this view. The nice cribs. Kids playin' in tha playground & street. Tha sound of a train's horn & it's engine howlin'. I grew up wit dat. I'm gonna miss it.

Then Mercedes came up with an idea.

Mercedes: I think, I came up wit a great idea, to stop tha city from tearin' down our cribs!

She then goes to her bookshelf. She takes out a physics book & starts reading it. Meanwhile, Tracie was talking to her husband, Warren, about the situation.

Warren: So, tha fuckin' city wants to buy up our joint?  
Tracie: Yeah. And tha rest of tha hood, too.  
Warren: Well, since we can't fight, city hall. Looks like, we have to move.  
Tracie: Where to?  
Warren: How 'bout tha far Northside? Jefferson Park? By my job.  
Tracie: Hmm? Dat sounds like a wise idea, hun.

Warren: Yeah. I was thinkin' of gettin' a place by tha tracks. In a 'hood wit no crime.  
Tracie: Ain't dat Jefferson Park?  
Warren: Yeah.

Then he went to sit in his leather chair & read the classifieds for their new home & Tracie went to get their dinners ready. Down at the developers office, the head developer was making the plans for destruction of the neighborhood.

Head developer: _Ha! Ha! Ha!_ The plans for destroyin' those poor to medium sized income folks' lives! We strike on Christmas eve! Just the right time! _God!_ I'm **_so_** damn evil!

It then cutsaway to the next day. All of the endanger residents of West Englewood was picketing in front of city hall. Of course, Chicago's finest was there, making sure none of the residents charge into city hall. They was chanting & holding signs.

picketers: **_HELL NO, WE WON'T GO! BULD DAT SHIT, IN LINCOLN PARK!!! HELL NO, WE WON'T GO! BUILD DAT SHIT IN LINCOLN PARK!_**  
Head picketer:(on bullhorn) _Get your asses out here, & face us like men!!_

Just then, Daley & the greedy developer came up to the picketline.

Daley: I'm sorry for your loses, but we have to do this.  
Head developer: Yeah! So, go to the rescue mission! _Ha! Ha! Ha!_  
Daley:(turns to the cops) Please exscort these people!

Then the police takes out several guns & starts shooting at the picketers. They all run off. The head developer, the mayor, & his cronies laughed evily. Meanwhile, Mercedes just came back home. She brought a truckload of sugar, guns, & explosives. Tracie notice this.

Tracie: Uh, Mercedes. What dat you got?  
Mercedes: It's some party shit for a homey's party, tomorrow night. You know tomorrow's Christmas eve?  
Tracie: Yeah. And dat's when they suppose to come and start wreckin'. Thank god, we already started packin'.

Tracie leaves. Mercedes takes her huge shopping bag to her room.

Mercedes: I can't wait til tomorrow! Those wreckin' bastards will get, what they deserve! _Ha! Ha! Ha!_

Then she put her bag in her closet for safe keeping. It was soon dinnertime. Tracie was serving dinner. Warren & Mercedes was eating.

Mercedes: So, pop. How's tha house huntin's goin'?  
Warren: It's goin' perfect. I've already got tha right house for us. Just in case.  
Tracie: Is dat right?

Warren nodded.

Tracie: Aight then.

So they ate. Soon, they was finished. It was 9:00. Mercedes stood up & yawned.

Mercedes: Well, time for me to hit tha bed.

Warren: What? You. Mercedes. goin' to bed. At 9:00?!? _Early?_  
Tracie: You must be sick!

She puts her hand on Mercedes' head to feel, if she's sick.

Mercedes: I'm not sick. I'm just tied & need my rest.

Tracie: Oh. Go ahead. Good night.  
Mercedes: Night.

Then Mercedes goes to her room. She takes a piece of paper from her pocket.

Mercedes: _Ah!_ Tha plan is in tha final stages! Tomorrow's gonna be tha big day. Tomorrow's gonna be tha big day.

Then she layed her head on her pillow & turn off the light. She went happily to sleep as a _NS_ train rushed past outside. Meanwhile, the idiotic developer was bringing in the wrecking machines.

developer: _Ha! Ha! Ha!_ Just a matter of time, before we start tearin' & destroyin' my friend.

Then he locks up the machines & went weasley back to his fancy mansion. It was the next morning now. All of the residents of West Englewood was sadly packing up their belongings. Mercedes woke up earlier than usual.

Mercedes: _Ah!_ Tha big day's here!! Time to peel those n(bleep)s faces off!!

Then she opened up her closet & took out her shopping bag.

Mercedes: Now, if I was a redeveloper. Where would I park tha wreckin' machines?

She thought about it.

Mercedes: _I know!!_

Then she ran downstairs & lefted the house. She runs down the block, until she saw some of the wrecking & construction machines. Mercedes smiled evily.

Mercedes: Time to do some damage!  
audience: (oohs & laughs)

The scene fades out. It then shows Tracie up making some breakfast for her, Warren, & Mercedes. Warren was at the table, drinking coffee.

Warren: So, this is tha last day.  
Tracie: Yeah. I feel sorta sorry for Mercedes. She grew up in this joint.  
Warren: Yeah. But she's gonna have new memories of tha new place, new friends, & a new scene to look out at.

Just then, the aformentioned mongoose comes through the front door. Her parents noticed her.

Tracie: There, you is. We was talkin' 'bout you.  
Mercedes: Uh, you was?

Warren: What was you doin' out?  
Mercedes: I was, uh, just takin' a walk. I was gettin' one last look of the 'hood, before it's all tore up.  
Tracie: Oh, so dat's it. I don't blame you.  
Mercedes: So, what's for breakfast?  
Tracie: _Pop tarts_ & orange juice.  
Mercedes: Sounds good!

She then mops up all of her breakfast.

Mercedes: Damn, dat was good!

Tracie: Damn, Mercedes. You never ate breakfast dat fast. You always take yo' time.  
Mercedes: Dat's cause, there's usually a tv for me to watch, mom.  
Tracie:(laughs) Oh, I forgot.  
Mercedes: So, what time is they suppose to start tha destruction?  
Warren: Uh, right 'bout....

He was interrupted as everything started vibrating.

Warren: Now.  
voice: _Hey everyone! Time for leave your former homes, now!_

Warren:(looks at his watch) Yep. Right on time.

All of the residents went outside to see where the voice came from. It was the developers & the city of course. They had the wrecking machines & construction machines revving.

Head developer: Alright. Time for yall to leave! You're on my property.  
resident: But we have until noon, to leave. You said so.  
Head developer: **Well, I _lied_! Now get outta here!!!!**

Everyone grabbed their belongings, that just happened to be there, defeated. Just then Mercedes, with her bag appears. Tracie was stunned.

Tracie: Mercedes. What are you doin?  
Mercedes: I'm standin' up to these fuckas, mom. Somebody has to!  
Tracie: But....

She was cut off as Mercedes went to the head developer.

Mercedes: You just can't make everyone leave!! It's a peaceful 'hood. Wit little crime, a good view, & there's no fuckin' mega mall around here! So you can built dat shit someplace else!

Head developer: Get this little girl outta my face.

Then the developer signaled one of his bouncers to Mercedes. The bouncer started pushing Mercedes away.

Bouncer: Go & pack, _little ferret_ girl. This is for grown-ups.  
Mercedes:(getting angry) I'm...not...a...._ferret_! **I'm not little!!!!**

She then grabs the bouncer & throws him. She went over to the thrown bouncer & started beating the shit out of him. Everyone was stunned. After the beating, Mercedes sat her sights on the head developer.

Mercedes: Now, where was I? Oh yeah. You can't make everyone leave, they're be homeless on tha fuckin' snow-covered streets. Now, please get tha hell outta here, before things get ugly.

Head developer: **_No!_ Now get outta my way!  
**Mercedes: **_No!_**  
Developer: _What!?_  
Mercedes: What's tha matter, muthafucka? Can't you understand english?  
audience:(laughs)  
Mercedes: I said, no. I'm not movin' outta yo' way! If you want to wreck, you have to run me over!  
Tracie: **MERCEDES!!! YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!!!! GET AWAY FROM THERE!**  
Mercedes:(wiping her hand on her chest) Not to worry, mom. These bastards are too damn _yellow_, to do such a thing.  
Developer: No, we're not!  
Mercedes: Yes, _you_ are.  
Developer: _**Not!**  
_Mercedes: _**IS!**_  
Developer: **ALRIGHT!!! THAT'S IT!!! I'M TIRED OF PLAYIN' AROUND WITH THIS BRAT!**  
Mercedes: What do you mean, 'brat'? I'm only 12.  
Developer: **WHO CARES!!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIVE TO SEE 13, AFTER TODAY!!!!! TIME TO START WRECKIN'!!!! SO GOODBYE, BITCH!!!!**

Then the crazy developer slammed on the gas pedal, but fortuately the machines started sputtering. Black smoke was coming from their engines. The developer was panicking.

Developer: What the fuck? Something's wrong!  
Mercedes: Oh yes! I poured sugar into all of yall's fuel tanks! Now, yall can't tear down our cribs!

Then she took out the explosives & guns.

Mercedes: So, are yall gonna build someplace else, or do I have to blow yall up?  
Developer: Alright. Alright! We'll build it someplace else! Like Gary, Indiana! H-Have a Merry Christmas!

Then the developers & the city leaves quickly. All of the residents cheered.

resident: **Three cheers for Mercedes!**  
others: **HIP HOP HOORAY! HIP HOP HOORAY! HIP HOP HOORAY!!!!  
**Mercedes:(blush a bit) _Ah_, it was nothin'!  
Warren: Wait til yo' cousin, Penny hears about this.

Then everyone starts partying in the snow-covered streets. It's much later now. Mercedes was in her room, looking out the window.

Mercedes: _Ah!_ Just look at dat peaceful view. And to think, if I haven't came up wit dat plan, we probably be sleepin' in tha car someplace.

Just then Tracie came to her.

Tracie: I see, dat yo' enjoyin' tha view.  
Mercedes: Yeah.  
Tracie: Dat was a pretty good plan, dat you set up, Mercedes.  
Mercedes:(turns to her mother) You knew, dat was my plan, all along?  
Tracie: Yeah. It was pretty smart.  
Mercedes: Well, somebody had to do it. Everyone was afraid too damn afraid to make a move to tha bastards.  
Tracie: Well, most of tha residents don't have any backbones, brains, or balls. Or all three!  
Mercedes: So, how's pop doin'?  
Tracie: He's doin' fine. He brought dat new crib. He said, he's gonna make it a weekend home for us.  
Mercedes: Dat sounds tight!  
Tracie: It is. This was a great Christmas gift to us. All of us.

Then she hugs Mercedes.

Tracie: Thank you, Mercedes.  
Mercedes: Anytime, mom.  
Tracie: Well, G'night. Mercedes Smiles, the Christmas mongoose.

Then she leaves Mercedes' room. Mercedes smiled as she saw a _CSX_ train rushed through.

Mercedes: I did a good deed. I did a good deed.

Then Mercedes, went to her comfty bed & went happily asleep as another train roared through the neighborhood.  
**_(End Mercedes' story)_**

"And dat's why my folks named me dat." Mercedes finished. "That was a very entertaining story, Mercedes." Lazlo said. "Thank you, _Laz_." Mercedes blushed. "That was, like, so nice." said a voice. Everyone turned to the window, to see Nazz standing there. "What are you doin' here?" Penny asked. "I was, like, passin' by, when I heard Mercedes talkin' so I decided to listen in." Nazz explained. "It was such a good story." "Yeah, it was." Lazlo added. "Well, I hope you don't be goin' around tellin' people 'bout dat, girly." Mercedes sniffed. "'Cause, dat would be embarassin'." "Like, what?" the dumb blonde asked. Everyone groaned at Nazz's stupid response. "What a dumb slut!" Patsy sniffed. "Just like dat Jane Doe skank, eh _P_?" Penny laughed. Patsy looked at her. "Penny, shut the fuck up." "Well, I gotta get Eddy's second gift." Nazz said. "_Damn!_ I forgot. I need to get dat midget my gift." Mercedes sniffed as she went to her bed. She took out an envelope. "Well, you better go give it to him." Patsy said. "Hey, _N_. Wait for me!" Mercedes called out after Nazz. Then she runs out of the cabin. Patsy looked at her watch. "So, what do yall wanna do now?" "How 'bout we try out my brand new _Blu-ray player_?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise thing, _G_." Penny finished as Lazlo turned on the blu-ray player.

It was sometime later, now. Christmas dinner was being served. Peter was sitting on the couch at the lodge with Ed, Eddy, Joe, Quagmire, & some others. They were watching basketball. Peter had betted, that the _TrailBlazers_ would win. Eddy had betted that the _Suns_ would win. Anyway, the _Phoneix Suns_ was winning & Peter wasn't liking this. "**Dammit!**" he sniffed. "Why are they winnin'!?" "Because, they're the _Suns_." Eddy exclaimed happily. "**_That's_ why!**" The _Suns_ made the second to last shot. Eddy stood up. "_**Whoohoo!**_" he exclaimed. "**Come on!**" Peter shouted at the tv. "**You guys, SUCK!!!!**" The _Blazers_ lose. "_Dammit!_" Peter cried. "_Ha!_ **That'll be $500 smackers!**" Eddy exclaimed as he held his hand out. "_Dammit!_" Peter sniffed as he handed Eddy the cash. Eddy counted out his cash. "_Ha!_ 500, plus the thousand Mercedes gave me a present, all adds up to $1500!" he bragged. Ed looked at all the cash in Eddy's hands. "Look at all the salad in your hands, Eddy!" he said. Eddy turned to him. "What did you say? Salad?" Eddy asked. Ed nodded. "Ed, that's gayier, than those new _Burger King_ commercials!" Eddy sniffed.

**_(Cutaway)_**  
The _Burger King whopper_ virgin commercial starts, with some random people, taste testing either a _Burger King Whopper_ or a _Mcdonald's Big Mac_.

Announcer: _The Whopper's america's favorite burger, but let's go out & make sure, that it still is._

It then shows one man choosing the _Big Mac_. Then another man, picks the _Whopper_. This cycle keeps going back & fourth, until one man taste tested.

interviewer: Alright, sir. We want you to taste test, to see which is better. The _Whopper_ or the _Big Mac_.  
Man: Okay.

The man taste tests the _Whopper_. He makes a face. Then he tries the _Big Mac_. He smiles.

Man: The _Big Mac_'s taste better.  
interviewer: Okay? Next!

The next person taste test the burgers.

Man#2: The _Big Mac_.  
Man#3: The _Big Mac_.  
Woman: The _Whopper_.  
Woman#2: The _Big Mac_.  
Man#4: Neither. I like _Wendy's_.  
Woman#3: _Big Mac_.  
Boy: _Big Mac_.  
Girl: _Whopper_.  
Man#5: _Big Mac_.  
Woman#4: Neither.  
Man#6: _Big Mac_.  
Announcer: _Alright. Looks like america, likes the Big Mac._

Then it shows, the entire US continent.

Announcer: _Thank you, McDonald's, for makin' us look stupid!_

_(**A/N:** I couldn't resist doing this. Big Mac taste better than the Whopper. No offense to anyone, who likes the Whopper)  
**(End cutaway)**_

"Well, c'mon Ed. Let's go back to the cabin & play with our brand new _PS3_." Eddy said. "_GTA 4_!" Ed shouted as he followed Eddy. Quagmire laughed. "Well Peter. At least, I didn't make a bet in this chapter." "Well, time to make myself feel better, with Lois' gift." Peter said as he stood up & walked off to his office. "I wonder, what he's doin' with Lois' gift?" Quagmire wondered. "I don't want to know." Joe muttered. "It'll be a wise thing, not to ask questions. Let's go play with the roulette wheel." Then they leave to play with the roulette wheel. Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was eating their dinner. "_Oh damn!_ This shit's good!" Penny said as she ate a slice of ham. "Dat Double D, sure can cook!" Mercedes said. "At least, we made it to dinner, this year." Lazlo laughed as he drunk a no name soda. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Why? Yall didn't make it last year or somethin'?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." Penny started. "We was so involved wit tha games last year, dat we missed tha entire dinner." "So, what did yall end up eatin'?" Mercedes asked. "The pizza from our Christmas party." Patsy answered. "_Damn!_ This chocolate cake's good!" Lazlo said as he took a bite of the cake. Mercedes takes a taste of the cake on her plate. "_Mmmm!_ Yo' right, _Laz_. _Angry Red_ sure can bake a cake!" "Thank god, dat monobrowed asshole, didn't eat all of tha food, like he did on Thanksgivin'!" Penny sniffed as she ate some of her cake. "Yeah. If he did that, I bet _greedy_ would made you & I fry everyone some chicken again." Patsy said as she ate the last bits of her piece of cake. "Yeah. Dat would suck!" Penny laughed. Soon, they was all done. "I wonder, what's on?" Lazlo asked as he stretched. "Probably, crap, dear." Patsy said. "Well, let's go & see."

Back at the cabin. Like Patsy said, there was nothing on tv. "So, do you wanna listen to cds?" Patsy asked. "Do you mean listen to cds, or do you wanna do yo' quiet time, _P_?" Mercedes asked as she laughed. "Well," Patsy started as she thought. "If ya'll wanted to join me on my quiet time, that's fine with me." Then Patsy got on her bed & turned on her cd player. R&B was on it. "Well, time to relax!" Lazlo stretched as he layed on his bed. Penny & Mercedes layed on their beds, also. Penny took out her sports magazine & Mercedes took out her mini tv. Patsy took out her sweets & a book. "Peace & quiet." she uttered. "Peace & quiet."

Too bad, the same can't be said for the Eds' cabin. Of course, Ed & Eddy was playing with the new _PS3_, that Nazz brought. They was playing _NBA Live 08_. Double D was trying to read, his dictionary. Sarah & Nazz was concentrating on their laptops. Ed was hollering. "**_HA!_ I GOT YO' WHIT, MIDGET ASS!!!**" "**Fuck you! You funky yellow bastard!!**" Eddy retorted to Ed's remark. "_Ed!_ I can't concentrate on my reading, with all that yammering you're doin'!" Double D complained. Eddy turned to him. "Shut up, _sackhead_." he sniffed. "This isn't about you!" Double D groaned, as he turned to Sarah. "How can you guys, concentrate on your laptops, with all this noise?" Sarah didn't respond. "Well?" Double D asked again. Sarah looks up at him. "What?" she asked as she took out some earplugs. The audience laughs. "Uh, never mind." Double D muttered. "Would you like some earplugs, Double D dear?" Sarah asked. "Yes, I would." the sockheaded teenager replied. "Okay." Sarah said as she took some earplugs out of her pocket. "Here ya go!" "Thank you, Sarah." Double D said as he put the earplugs in his ears. He did it just in time, because Ed & Eddy started playing their game & cussing again.

It was almost, 11:00 now. Most people on the campgrounds were heading to bed now. Everyone was getting ready for bed now, in Lazlo's cabin. "_Oh god!_" Penny yawned. "What a day." "You can say dat again, _'Nette_." Mercedes said as she got into her bed. Lazlo & Patsy got into their beds too. "So, Patsy. Did you enjoy your present from me?" Lazlo asked. "Oh, yeah. I did." Patsy said as she took something out of her uniform pocket. "Here's your second present, from me." Lazlo took it from her & opened it. It was another sexy photo of Patsy. She was wearing a red bra, black panties, & black heels. Her pink hair was in a neat bun. "_Wow!_ Another sexy photo of you." Lazlo awed. "When did you take this?" "We took it, a couple of days ago." Patsy started. "Before the christmas party. Penny & Mercedes help me take it." "You did?" Lazlo asked Mercedes & Penny. "Yeah." Mercedes answered. "We did it, while dressin' up." Penny said. "I hope you enjoy it, dear." Patsy said warmly. "_Oooh, I do!_" Lazlo exclaimed happily. Patsy then yawned. "Well, G'night, Lazlo hun." she said as she turned off her lamp. "G'night, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Sweet dreams." Then Mercedes turned of her light. "G'night, _'Nette_. _Laz_." "Good night, _Benz_." Penny said. "Good night, _Mercedes, the christmas mongoose_." Lazlo said teasenly. Mercedes blushed as Penny laughed. Soon, she was asleep. Lazlo then looked over to Penny. "Well, Penny. Time for me to go to sleep." he said as he turned off his light sleepily. "Me too." Penny said as she turned off her light. "G'night, Penny dear." Lazlo said, before falling asleep. "Good night, _Laz_." Penny said. "See you, first thing in tha morning." Then everyone went happily to sleep at _Camp Griffin_, except Ed & Eddy. They was still playing with the _PS3_.

"**Come on, Ed!**" Eddy sniffed. "**You gotta go to sleep _sometime_!**" "**No! _You_ gotta go to sleep sometime, Eddy!**" Ed retorted as he drunk a pot of coffee, that Double D made, before he, Sarah, & Nazz went to bed. "_Ha!_ All that coffee's gonna put you to sleep!" Eddy laughed. "Yeah right!" Ed laughed. Then Ed falls onto his controls, as the audience laughs. Eddy checked him. Ed was out cold. "**YES! I WIN!!!!!**" he exclaimed happily. "**SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! I'M TRYIN' TO SLEEP!!!**" Sarah shouted at Eddy. "Kiss my ass, bitch!" Eddy sniffed. Sarah than threw a handy brick at Eddy. The brick hit Eddy in the face, knocking him unconcious. Sarah got up to turn off the _PS3_ & tv. "That'll show that fuckin' midget!" she sniffed as she turned off the electronics. Then she got back to bed & went back to sleep.


	8. So, it comes to this A year lookback

_This chapter, mainly breaks the fourth wall. Anyway, it's time for 'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'._

Edward: Hey everyone. I'm Edward.  
Stewie: And, I'm Stewie Griffin. This is; _'Ranting with Stewie & Edward'_.  
Edward: Uh, kid? Do you mean; _'Edward & Stewie'_?  
Stewie: Sure, whatever floats your boat, douche.  
Edward: What?  
Stewie: Huh?  
audience:(laughs)  
Edward:(rolls his eyes) Anyway, it has been quite a year here, at _Camp Griffin_. We had lots of laughs. Lots of randomness, & lots of swearin'. Stewie?  
Stewie: Thanks, platypus. You also forgot to mention; a whole lot of drug use & lots & **LOTS** of sex!  
Edward: Sex? I think, you meant 'sexy moments', kid. As far as I am concern, that there wasn't any intercourse.

Stewie: Oh! I meant, almost intercourse. Just like that Patsy almost did it with that Lazlo.

**_(Flashback clip)_**  
This happened, when Lazlo accidently splashed some donut filling onto Patsy. Anyway, they was in the cabin & Patsy was about to change her shirt.

Patsy: I'm gonna change my shirt now, Lazlo dear.  
Lazlo:(nervous & sweating a bit) Uh, Patsy. You're not _really_ gonna change shirts in front of me, are ya?  
Patsy: Yeah, of course! I know, deep inside you. I mean, _very_ deep, that you want me to take off my shirt!  
Lazlo:(sweating more) Uh, T-T-That's kinda true, P-Patsy! G-Go ahead.  
Patsy: Okay, dear.

Then she started taking off her shirt. The audience whoos, just like in _'Married...with children'_ or any other _FOX_ show. Lazlo was mesmerized.

Lazlo: _Oh snap!_  
Patsy:(giggling seductively)

Lazlo: Uh, y-you know, that's how some intercourse starts, P-Patsy?  
Patsy: Yeah. I know.

Then she sat onto Lazlo's lap. Lazlo looks at her, naughtily.

Lazlo: Uh, you're not lookin' for a new shirt, Patsy.  
Patsy: I know that, dear.

Then she does a sexy pose.

Patsy: Do you like, what you see?  
Lazlo:(staring at her) Yeah! You got a nice, sexy waist, sexy 6 packed abs, & big, sexy breasts!  
Patsy:(giggling seductively) Thank you, honey. I only workout for you, Lazlo. Now hug me!  
Lazlo: Okay!

Then he hugs her.

Patsy: Okay. Kiss me!

Lazlo obeyed. The audience whoos again.

Patsy: Now, keep kissin' me, until I tell you to stop.  
Lazlo: As you wish, Patsy, my pet.

Then he kisses her more & more. The audience whoos once again. This kept going until, Mercedes woke up.

Mercedes:(stretching & yawining) Oh god! Dat was some nap!

Then she turned to see Lazlo kissing Patsy & Patsy with her shirt off. Mercedes smiled.

Mercedes: I see, dat ya'll at it!  
Patsy:(gets off of Lazlo) We weren't doin' what you're thinkin', Mercedes.  
Mercedes: Uh, huh.

She turns to Lazlo.

Mercedes: You weren't 'bout to have sex witout any _jimmy hats_ are ya?  
Lazlo: What are _jimmy hats_?  
Mercedes: It means condom or rubber.  
Lazlo: Oh. Well, we wasn't havin' sex.  
Mercedes: Yo' are a devil, ain't you _Laz_?  
Lazlo: Uh.  
audience:(whoos & laughs)  
**_(End Flashback clip)_**

Edward: _Oh damn!_ That was hot!  
Stewie: It sure was. Joining us; are Patsy & Lazlo.

They both walk up to the desk. Lazlo was was wearing a tailored black suit, pants, & shoes. And Patsy also walks up, she was wearing a blue suit, black skirt, and black heels. She was also wearing a black pair of half rim glasses, like Tina Fey's.

Lazlo: Here, let me hold the chair out for you.  
Patsy:(laughs a bit) Oh, how sweet. Thank you, dear.

She sits down. Then Lazlo sits down, too.

Stewie: So, you two. Did you two enjoy, doin' that scene?  
Lazlo: Oh yeah. That was neat!  
Patsy: I quite enjoy it, too! Matter of fact, it made Quagmire accidently, 'go off', if you know, what I mean?

The audience laughs & oohs.

Edward: I'm not surprised.

Stewie: Anything, would make him go off. Anyway, the next clip was just as sexy!

Edward: Oh yeah! It is!! I still watch this!! **ROLL THE CLIP!!!!**

**_(Flashback clip#2)_**  
It was the clip, when Penny was accidently exposed to her entire school. Penny was in the ladies' locker room. P.E. just ended. She and some other girls just got out of the shower.

Penny:(opens her locker) With P.E. done, I can finally relax in tha final class of tha day, Geometery!  
Other girl: So you're gonna sleep in Geometery, Penny?  
Penny:(dries her hair with towel) Yep! It's been a long day.

Just then the fire alarm went off.

Penny:(surprised) _Oh snap!_ It's a fuckin' fire drill!  
Other girl: Shit!

The ladies P.E. teacher appears, which was that lesbian gym teacher from Meg's school.

Teacher: Don't just stand there, get out! It's a fire drill!  
Penny: Now?  
Teacher: **YEAH NOW!**  
Other girl: But we're still dryin' off!  
Teacher: Put on a towel!! Nobody'll notice!!

So Penny and the few remaining girls put on a towel, to cover themselves up. Outside, everyone was talking, smoking, making jokes, drinking, and eating. Some of the students got into their cars, and went home. Penny was shivering.

Penny:(shivering) C-Come on! Hurry u-up!! I-I'm gettin' cold!!

Another girl came out with a wet towel, and she was cold, too.

Girl: I-I-It's chilly!! I-I-I should get another towel!!

She looks around, then she found Penny.

Girl:(sneakily) I-I'll just take hers!!

The girl snatches the dry towel off of Penny's body. She gasped loudly, as the towel was snatched off.

Penny:(surprised) **WHERE THA FUCK'S MY TOWEL!?!**

Everybody looked at her. All of the boys started to hoot & holler, and the other girls laughed.

Penny:(embarassed, and trying to hide her nakedness) Things _couldn't_ possibly get any worst!!

The P.E. teacher walks up to her.

Teacher: Smiles, you got 4 days of after school detention!  
Penny:(turning red from anger & embarassment) _**Dammit!!**_ This is tha most embarassin' moment of my life!! I'm gonna get dat bitch, who stole my towel!  
Teacher: I want you, naked & wet, after school, today!  
Penny: What?  
Teacher: You heard me. I want those breasts bouncin', too!  
**_(End Flashback clip#2)_**

Stewie: Whoa! That clip was unedited.  
Edward: It sure was! Now joinin' us is; Ms. Penny Smiles!!

Penny walks up. She was wearing the same attire, that she wore to her job interview flashback in Camp Griffin chapter 10; 'The Storm'. She too was wearing the same type of glasses, that Patsy was wearing. She sits next to Lazlo.

Edward: So, Ms. Penny. Did you went to detention, with that lesbo?  
Penny: Hell nawl. Let's just say, dat I reported her & got her fat ass fired from dat job & life.  
Stewie: What did you do mean, hip hop girl?  
Penny: I tampered wit her brakes.  
Edward: That's....nice....to...know.  
Stewie: Uh, yes.

Then he looks at her.

Penny: What are _you_ starin' at?  
Stewie:(not even hearing her) Hmmm?  
Edward:(staring at Penny too) _Oooh girl!_ You a bad mammajamma!  
Penny:(cross) **STOP STARIN' AT MY LEGS!**  
Patsy: Uh, Penny. I think, he was complimenting you.  
Penny: I know, dat, _P_. But I hate tha way he looks at me, y'know?  
Lazlo: Well, look at ya. You've got all the curves in the right places. Big breasts. Sexy legs. Athletic. Damn! If Patsy wasn't my girlfriend, I'll have sex with you in a fine minute!  
Patsy:(not noticing what Lazlo said) What was that, dear?  
Lazlo: I didn't say nothin'!  
audience:(laughs)  
Stewie: Perhaps, we should say the title of this chapter, platypus.  
Edward: Probably, but after we explain about this chapter first, kid.

Stewie: Yeah, that'll be a wisiest thing. Anyway, I'm gonna let, _Hip hop girl_ explain it.

Penny: Thanks, kid. In this chapter, _P_, _Laz_, _Benz_, & me are gonna host our own New Year's party, after we find out 'bout greasey's gay-assed lil' kid party.  
Edward: _Oooh!_ That sounds entertainin', Ms. Penny.  
Penny: It is! Also, in tha chapter, we gonna be doin' dat 'flashback clip lookback' thing, too. Let's get Ollie Williams' opinion on this chapter, Ollie?  
Ollie: **SOUNDS INTERESTIN'!  
**Penny: Thanks, Ollie. Back to you, kid & cheeky c(bleep)t!  
Stewie: Thanks, _Hip hop girl_! I'm Stewie.  
Edward: And, I'm Edward. This has been _'Ranting with Edward & Stewie'_.

Lazlo was staring at Penny.

Lazlo: You _look_ good!  
Penny:(blushing) T-Thanks, G.  
Lazlo: Wanna go steady?  
Patsy:(not noticing the actions, between the two of them) What did you say, dear?  
Lazlo: Uh, I was askin', what you want for lunch, Patsy. Hee! Hee!  
Patsy: I want a cheeseburger from Mickeydees, dear. Let's start this chapter already.

Patsy then leaves. Lazlo & Penny looked at each other.

Lazlo: So, do _you_ wanna go steady?  
Penny: Yeah. Even, if it's gonna lead us to a oneshot, _Laz_.

Lazlo starts sweating. Penny laughs.

Penny:(twisting a strand of her black hair with a finger) So, do you think, I'm pretty?  
Lazlo:(still sweating) Uh, yes.  
audience:(whoos)  
Penny:(blushing) Thanks. Wanna hold hands or some shit like dat?  
audience:(whoos)  
Lazlo: That's fine with me. But let's not do it, when Patsy or Mercedes' around.  
Penny: Oh, I think _Benz_ won't have a problem wit dat! She always wanted me & you get together.  
Lazlo: Really?

Penny nodded.

Lazlo: Well, you are a lot better, than Patsy. With the black hair, sexy curves, sexy lips, sexy American pedicures, bling, deep dark brown eyes. Well, forget about the deep dark brown eyes & sexy American pedicures. Patsy got those. You can cook. Street smart! Damn! **_I_ WANT _YOU_ BAD!!!!!!!**

Penny:(blushing) Thanks, _Laz_. You smart, handsome, considerate of my feelin's & all dat shit.  
Lazlo:(blushing) Uh, t-t-thanks, Penny. But don't tell Patsy all this! She'll kill me!  
Penny: Don't worry, _Laz_. It's between us, until tha oneshot fic is created! Now, let's get this last chapter started.

Patsy, Lazlo, Mercedes, & Penny's New Year's party(aka So, it comes to this. A year lookback)

It was a cold, snowy day at Camp Griffin. Everyone was doing activites. Well, most everyone. Some scouts were in their cabins, either watching tv, playing with their _Wiis_, or _Playstations_, or watching dvds. This would include; Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes. They was watching, _Sanford & son_. "_Oh snap!_ Dat Fred is so damn halrious!" Mercedes laughed. "You can say dat again, _Benz_." Penny said as she ate a bag of _Doritos_. "Do you remember tha one, where Fred join tha cast of tha Jeffersons?"

**_(Flashback clip#3)_**  
George Jefferson just came home from a day's work at Jefferson Cleaners. He was tired.

Jefferson: God! I'm tired! Cleanin' up suits makes a rich black man, like myself very tired.

He walks into the kitchen, just to see Fred in there cooking.

Jefferson: Who tha hell are you?  
Sanford: I'm Fred. Yo' new butler.  
Jefferson: What?  
Sanford: I'm yo' new butler. You know, tha butler dat you hired durin' last night's poker game?

George stood there, trying to remember what happened the previous night.

Jefferson: Oh yeah! I remember now! Okay, I want you to make me some dinner.  
Sanford: Sorry, I can't.  
Jefferson: Why?  
Sanford:(shows his watch) Union break!  
Jefferson: First Florance, now you! I just can't get a break!  
Sanford: Okay, I'm gonna take my break now. My 'Arthur-itis' is actin' up.  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback clip#3)_**

"Oh yeah. I loved dat episode!" Mercedes laughed as she took a sip from her _Cherry coke_. "I'd enjoyed that episode, too." Patsy said. "I wonder, what the scoutmaster's got anything planned for us to do?" Lazlo asked. "I don't know. Probably." Penny said. Just then, there was a knock on the cabin door. Lazlo went to answer it. It was Brian. "Oh, Mr. Griffin. What do you want?" Lazlo asked. "Peter told me to give these flyers to everyone." Brian explained as he gave Lazlo four flyers. Then he left. "What did he want?" Mercedes asked. "He gave us, these flyers." Lazlo said as he gave his cabinmates the flyers. They looked at them. "_My dear scouts. 2008 has been quite a year. To end it, we are gonna have a New Year's bash. Hosted by yours truly, Peter Griffin._" Patsy read outloud. "God! I wonder, how it's gonna be like?" "It's probably gonna have food. **LOTS** of food, but most are probably for _greasy_." Mercedes started. "Yeah. Tha fat c(bleep)t!" Penny sniffed. "Gay ass party hats!" Patsy laughed. "Just like the halloween party, Lois hosted!"

**_(Flashback)_**  
Patsy, Penny, Lazlo, Mercedes, & Meg was setting up for the halloween party. Patsy looked at all of the decorations.

Patsy: God! What in the hell was _Fatty Griffin_ thinkin'? Party hats? Streamers? Sounds kinda gay.  
Penny: Yeah, it does.  
Meg: I think, he must've been sniffing paint thinner again.  
Lazlo: What? He does that?

Meg nodded.

Lazlo: What a fat ass loser!  
Mercedes: Yeah.

Just then Lois comes in. Looking buzzed. They notice her.

Penny: Well, well, well. Look who's brain is tore outta her head.  
Lois: I'm not high. I-I'm just buzzed!

Then she fall onto the floor. The audience laughs. Patsy & Mercedes went towards her. They look at her, then they look at each other. Evil smiles spread across their faces.

Patsy: Are you thinkin', what I'm thinkin', Mercedes?  
Mercedes: Yeah, _P_. Let's tie up this bitch!

They each grab some streamers & started tying Lois up with them. Meg notices.

Meg: **THAT'S RIGHT!!!!! TIE THAT SKANK UP!!!!**

Then she goes over to Lois, who was still unconcious. She kicks Lois.

Meg: **TAKE THAT, FOR NOT STANDIN' UP TO ME, FROM DAD'S ATTACKS!!!!!!**

Then she turned to Patsy & Mercedes.

Meg: Can yall bring _fat ass_ in here?  
Mercedes: We already got him. Hog tied & gagged.

It shows Peter, gagged & tied. He was struggling to get free. Meg walks up to him. She takes out a club.

Meg:(evily) This is for the 'Meg-bashin'!  
Lazlo: Go Meg!  
Penny: Beat tha shit outta dat fucka!

Meg then beats the crap out of Peter. Everyone & the audience cheers & laughs.  
**_(End Flashback)_**

"Oh yeah. I'd enjoyed watch Meg beatin' tha shit outta those assholes!" Penny laughed. "Yeah, they deserved that." Lazlo said. "Especially, how they treat her." "Yeah." Patsy said. Penny sat down her flyer. "Hmm?" she muttered. Mercedes turned to her. "What you thinkin' 'bout. _'Nette_?" she asked. "Oh. I was just thinkin', all four of us should do our own party." Penny explained. "Dat's all." "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Patsy said as she threw her flyer aside. "I agree, Patsy." Lazlo added. "But, where it's gonna be held at?" "I'm thinkin' dat slug can let us, rent dat club for tha night." Penny explained. "That doesn't sound too bad, Penny." Lazlo said. "_Shh!_ Fred's gonna go off." Mercedes hissed. So, they stopped talking and watch the rest of _Sanford & son_.

Like Patsy had said, Peter was planning for the party, with party hats, soda, party favors, & of course food. "Party hats. Check! Soda. Check! Party favors. Check! Big ass. Check!" Then he got to the food. "Food." Peter started as he picked up a plate & put on a slice of pizza, some chicken wings, a piece of fried chicken breast, another slice of pizza, & some nachos. "_Mmmm!_" Peter said as he ate some of his bounty. "This grub sure tastes good!" Just then, Cleveland walks into the scene. "Hey, my tubby white brother." he said, as he was celebrating Kwannza. "What are you doin'?" "I'm taste testin' the party food." Peter said as he took a bite from his chicken. "Why?" Cleveland asked. "Because, it's there." Peter answered stupidly. "Duh." "_God!_ What an ass!" Cleveland thought to himself. Then he smiled at Peter. "Well, god bless you, my smart, but dumb white brother." Then Cleveland leaves. "Gee, that was wierd." Peter burped. "Well, back to prepping!" Then he went back to eating his samples.

Meanwhile, the Eds were in their cabin. Eddy & Ed was playing with their _PS3_. Double D was reading a book & Sarah & Nazz was on their laptops. Eddy & Ed was playing; _NBA Live 08_ again. Eddy just got done, dunking on Ed. "_Ha!_ **I just scored on your funky ass!**" He exclaimed. "_Yay!_" Ed cheered stupidly. "I got a funky ass!!!" "God! What a fuckin' dumb ass!!" Sarah said as she rolled her eyes. Ed turned to her. "Why, thank you." Just then, Nazz noticed five papers slid under the door. "Like, what's those?" Double D looked up from his book, to see what Nazz was pointing at. "Looks like, it's a memo from the scoutmaster." he said. "Well, what are you waitin', Sockhead." Eddy said as he threw Double D. "Go see what it says." So, Double D picked up the flyers & read it quickly. "It says, that the scoutmaster's holdin' a get together, in his residence. Later in the nocturnal period of the day." Double D said. Everyone looked at him. "What?" Eddy & Nazz asked in unision. Double D rolled his eyes. "There's going to be a party at Scoutmaster Griffin's home, later. Tonight." "Oh! Like, why didn't you say that in the first place?" Nazz asked. "Yeah, Double D!" Eddy sniffed. "Sometimes, it'll be a whole lot easier being Albert Einstein." Double D muttered. "But, isn't, like Einstein dead?" dumb blonde Nazz asked. "Yeah, he is." Double D muttered. "**I'M KICKIN' YOUR ASS NOW, EDDY!!!**" Ed laughed stupidly. "Are ya?" Eddy asked as he went to unplug the _PS3_. "_Ha!_ Looks like your dumb ass don't win after all!" Eddy laughed. Nazz & Sarah laughed. "That was, like, funny, Eddy dear." Nazz said. "Totally!" "I even have to agree with you on that one, _fishdick_!" Sarah laughed. "Wait. Did you call me '_fishdick'_!?" Eddy asked Sarah, crossily. "Yeah. You a got a _'fishdick'_!" she said smugly. "Well," Eddy started. "Uh, well, well," "What's the matter? Lil' Eddy can't come up with a comeback?" Sarah laughed. Then everybody else, started laughing too. Eddy was getting cross. "Well, at least I don't have a huge ass, _Ms. All the food I eat goes straight to my ass_!" he yelled. Ed turned to Sarah. "_Ooooooh!_ No he did-n't!" he said as he laughed. "Like, yes he did!" Nazz replied. "No, he did-n't!" Ed said. "Oh, yes he did." Nazz answered. "No, he..." Ed started to say, but was interrupted by a pissed off Nazz. "**YES, HE DID!! I'D JUST SAW HIM, DO IT!!!!!**" Nazz shouted angrily. Then she recovered in a quieter tone. "You paper bag lookin' motherfucka!" "I'm surprised, that you mentioned huge asses, Eddy." Sarah said smugly. "Your girlfriend's got a huge ass!" Nazz turned to look at her behind. "It's not a huge ass. It's a ghetto booty." "**Bootylicious!!!**" Ed said stupidly. "Shut up, Ed!" Eddy sniffed.

Back at Lazlo's cabin. Mercedes looked at her watch. "Damn! It's almost, 10:30!" "Yeah, so?" Patsy asked. "So? We have to go to dat slug & tell him, dat we want to rent tha nightclub." Mercedes explained. "So, that's it." Lazlo muttered. "Besides, I'm gettin' hungry." Penny said as she sat up. "So, am I." Mercedes said as she sat up. Penny turned to her. "Let's go, _Benz_." "Yeah, dat'll be a wise idea." Mercedes said as she put on her coat. So they leave. Lazlo turned to Patsy. "So, what do you wanna watch now, Patsy?" he asked her. Patsy looked at the _Tv Guide_. "It says, that _'Good Times'_ is on. It's suppose to be about the one, where James hits Thelma." she explained.

**_(Flashback clip#4)_**  
James was complaining about Thelma dating a older guy. Like usual, Florida was trying to calm him down, but it wasn't working like usual.

James:(shouting) **STAY OUTTA DIS FLORIDA!! I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER DATIN' A OLDER MAN!**  
Florida:(about to cry) But James...  
James: **DON'T INTERUPT ME WHILE I'M IN A MOOD, FLORIDA!! IT'S NOT GROOVY!  
**Thelma:(about to cry too) But daddy....  
James: **STAY OUTTA DIS, THELMA!! DIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!! AND IF I GET INTERUPTTED AGAIN, SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET IT!! NOW, 'BOUT YOU DATIN'...**

Thelma: Daddy stop!!

James knocked Thelma out with a left hook. The audience laughs. J.J. walks in the scene.

J.J. Damn, dad. You knocked her out!! Dat was **dy-no-mite**!  
Audience:(laughs)  
**_(End Flashback clip#4)_**

"_Oooh!_ I like that episode!" Lazlo said. "It's one of my favorites!" "It's one of my favorites too, dear." Patsy added. "It is?" Lazlo asked. "I always thought, your favorite episode was, the one when James & JJ lose both of their jobs, because Michael had written to the cuban government?" "Well, that too, honey." Patsy said. "It's not a crime to have more than one favorite. Isn't it?" "No." Lazlo muttered. "Just as long, it's not any of the later episodes." "Oh, don't worry about that, dear." Patsy said. "I don't know, who like those later episodes." "Do Penny or Mercedes like them?" asked Lazlo. "No." Patsy replied as she opened a bag of chips. "They said, those sucked." "Of course they sucked!" Lazlo laughed. "The original writers & producers lefted the show!" "I hate it, when that happens!" Patsy sniffed. "I hate that, too." Lazlo added. "Mind, if I have some of your chips?" "No, I don't mind, sweetie." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo some chips. Then they watch, the show together.

Meanwhile, Penny & Mercedes was at the nightclub. They was sitting in Slinkman's office. Slinkman was pouring some champaigne into a glass. "So, how can I help you two ladies?" he said as he sat back down. "Let's get to tha chase." Penny started. "Me, _P_, _Laz_, & _Benz_ wants to rent yo' nightclub for tha night. We hostin' our own New Years party." "Well," Slinkman started. "There's already gonna be a party hosted here, tonight." Mercedes took out six $100 dollar bills. "Would $600 dollars, make you change yo' mind?" "**Yeah!**" Slinkman exclaimed as he snatched the money from Mercedes' hand. "Dat covers tha operatin' expenses too." Penny added. "So, what time are yall startin'?" Slinkman asked. "Around 8 or so." Mercedes replied. "Alright." the slug started. "I'll make sure, that we have the refreshments, music & all that shit ready. Anything for Lazlo's friends. Or shall I say, _homies_." Mercedes & Penny laughed from the joke. "Here's what we want for eats." Mercedes said as she hands Slinkman a list. "Nachos, pop, hot wings from _KFC_, Mozzarella sticks, & pizzas." Slinkman read outloud. "Alright. We can do that." "Dat's tight, slug." Penny said as she stood up. "Dat's tight!" Then she turns to Mercedes. "Let's go spread tha word, _Benz_." "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise thing." Mercedes added.

Back at camp, Patsy & Lazlo was watching another old tv gem, _'Beavis & Butthead'_. It was the episode, when Beavis burned down Tom Anderson's house. It cutsaway to the tv. "Fire! Fire! Fire! Heh! Heh! Heh!" Beavis laughed. "That totally ruled, Uh huh huh huh." Butthead laughed. "Let's get some nachos." "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Lazlo laughed. "That was a good episode." "I agree with you, dear." Patsy said. "It's too bad, that _MTV_ cancelled this show." "It's probably, because it was too controversal, too smart, & too funny at the same time, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Those damn soccer moms, _PTA_, & parent groups. Cheeky bitches." Patsy sniffed. Then she turned to Lazlo. "If we ever have kids, we would let them watch anything they want." "I know, that's right." Lazlo said as he high-fived Patsy. "Yeah." Patsy responed. Then she thought of something. "How 'bout mature shows & shit like that?" "Maybe, when they're 14 to 16 years of age, Patsy." Lazlo said. "How 'bout spankin' them, when they do something wrong?" "Yeah." Patsy said. "I was spanked." "Oh yeah, I forgot." Lazlo muttered. Just then, Penny walks in. "Hey yall. I see, dat yall watchin' Beavis & _Asshead_." she laughed. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "So, how's the plannin' for the party's goin'?" Patsy asked Penny. "It's goin' along fine, _P_." Penny started as she layed down on her bed. "Tha slug's got, tha shit all in order." "Where's Mercedes?" Lazlo asked. "She's spreadin' tha word." Penny answered. "**DON'T SAY _THAT_!!!!**" Patsy exclaimed. "Say what, _P_?" Penny asked. "The word!" Patsy shouted. Then she whispered. "You know, _greasey_ always appears & sings that gay ass _'Surfin' bird'_ song." "Yeah." Lazlo added. "Oh, I forgot 'bout dat." Penny admitted. Just then, Mercedes walks in. "_Ah!_ Wit dat done, I can rest." she said as she layed on her bed. Penny turned to her. "You told everyone?" "Yeah, _'Nette_." Mercedes said. "I told everyone, except tha geeks, nerds, & background losers." "Uh, is Raj & Clam invited?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, I suppose." Mercedes said. "Hopefully, dat damn rhino won't eat all of tha grub!" "Or dat damn elephant, playin' his god-awful record scratchin'!" Penny sniffed. "Cheeky c(bleep)t!"

It was sometime later now. A lot later. Peter had all of the party stuff ready now. "Ah! The party food's all ready! Now time for the campers, to come in here & celebrate the new year!" he said as he wiped some dust off of his tuxedo. Just then Brian walked up to him. "Am I late?" the dog asked. "No, you're just in time." Peter said. Then some of the younger campers, the geeks, nerds, & background nobodys started appearing. "So, is this it?" asked one of the campers to Peter. "Yep!" Peter said. "Go have a treat & have a fuckin' great time!" Brian noticed the very small amount of campers at the party. "Uh, Peter. Have you noticed, how small the attendence are?" "No. It's only early yet, Brian!" Peter sniffed. "The rest of them will come."

Meanwhile, at the Eds cabin. The news of Patsy, Lazlo, Mercedes, & Penny's party reach to them & they was getting ready. Eddy was looking at himself in the mirror. "Damn Eddy!" he said to his reflection. "You're a bad motherfucka!" Then Nazz walks up behind him. "Yes, you sure are, dear." Eddy looks at her. She was wearing a purple t-shirt, dark blue jeans, & white nikes. "Damn Nazz. You _look_ good!" Eddy exclaimed as he smiled at her. Nazz laughed a bit. "Why, thank you, Eddy dear." Eddy then turned to see, if the rest of his cabinmates were ready. "_Hey!_ Are you guys, ready yet?" Ed was ready. He was wearing the same old uniform. Double D was wearing a black vest, red shirt, black pants, & black _nikes_ & Sarah was wearing a magenta halter-top, blue jeans, & black & white _Reeboxs_. She had her hair tied up neatly in a ponytail. Double D turned to her. "Pardon my english, but, damn Sarah! You look sexy!" he awed. "Thank you, Double D." Sarah giggled. "You look handsome." "Thank you, Sarah." Double D blushed as he smiled. Ed & the audience whooed. "Alright, shut up." Eddy said as he took out his car keys. "Let's go!" "Like, that sounds like a wise thing." Nazz added. "C'mon Sarah." Double D said as he took out his keys. "Let's go." "**Wait for me, Eddy!!**" Ed called out. Eddy turned to him. "There ain't no way, I'm lettin' your ass into my car!" he sniffed. "Why don't you, take your _McDonald's_, _Burger King_, _Taco Bell_, _Arby's_, _Checkers_ burger wrapper graveyard 1984 pickup truck?" "What?" Ed asked stupidly as the audience laughed at his stupidly. "**Your truck, asshole!!!**" Sarah shouted. "_Oh!_ **_Yeah!_**" Ed exclaimed as he took out a screwdriver. "**I forgot!!**" "_God!_ What an ass!" Eddy sniffed. While Eddy was cussing, the four party hosts were getting ready. "So, are yall ready?" Penny asked as she put on her dew rag & black cap. "I know, I am." Lazlo said. "We're ready now." Patsy said as she put her black flat cap hat on her pink-bunned hair. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "Lemme check yall out." Lazlo said. He looked at his three female cabinmates thoroughly. "_Damn!_ All of you, look very tight, pretty, & sexy!" "Thank you, G." Penny & Mercedes said. "Thanks, dear." Patsy giggled. "Aight, let's go." Mercedes said as she took out her keys. "Hopefully, _greasey_'s party sucks so bad, dat he won't be able to host any more!" Penny laughed. "Yeah. What a loser!" Patsy laughed. "He's as dumb as the time, he went to the wrong appointment."

**_(Flashback clip#5)_**  
Peter was asleep in his bed. The alarm clock went off. Peter pressed the snooze button. Minutes later, the alarm went off, and Peter once again, pressed the snooze button. The alarm went off for the third time an hour later. Peter got up and turn off the alarm.

Peter: _Oh god!_ It's time for work.

Then he lookes at the clock.

Peter: _Oh shit!!_ I'm an hour late for work!!

He jumps out of bed, and runs to the closet. Then he runs to the kitchen, picks up his breakfast & coffee, and accidently grabs Stewie. Then he goes to his car, and speeds away. Soon he was at his location.

Peter:(panting) Gonna be late!! Gonna be late!  
Stewie: I say, put me down, fat man!  
Peter: Can't!! I'm gonna be late!!

He runs to a gray building, and goes inside. Then he runs down the hallway, until he found a door. It had the number 11 on it.

Peter: Room 11. This is the right room!!

He opens the door that leads into the room. Peter was surprised at the sight before him. In the room with him, was Gabe Kotter and the sweathogs. They all turned and look at him.

Peter:(looks around) Where the hell am I?  
Kotter: Hey stranger, you're in my show, _'Welcome back kotter'_.  
Peter:(turns white) Oh no!  
Epstein: Oh yes, buddy!  
Stewie: I say fat man, let's leave, that'll be a wise thing!  
Peter:(regains his color) Yeah, let's!  
Kotter: Wait! I'm about to tell one of my bad jokes about my relatives!  
Everybody else: **_OH GOD!! NOT_ AGAIN!  
**The audience laughs as the _'Welcome back Kotter'_ theme plays.  
**_(End Flashback clip#5)_**

At the nightclub, things were getting started. The four main hosts were making sure, that all of the party stuff was ready. "Looks like, everything's here." Patsy said. "_Hmmm?_" Penny muttered. "What's wrong, Penny?" Lazlo asked. "Somethin's missin'." Penny said. "What is it, _'Nette_?" Mercedes asked. Penny then opened her black vest & took out a bottle of hot sauce. "This!!" she said as she set the bottle next to the wings. "There! If anybody wants hot sauce for their nachos & wings, it'll be there." "Uh, right." Lazlo said mysteriously. "Let's start partyin'!" So, the party got started. Meanwhile back at camp, the party there was sucking. Peter was eating all of the food. Brian was bored. The music sucked & some of the other campers, who was at attendence, heard of Penny's, Patsy's, Lazlo's & Mercedes' party started leaving. Anyway, Peter was eating the food. "_Oh god!_ This sure is good!" the refridgerator said. Then he turned to see, that his party was almost empty. "What the hell?" Peter asked crossly. "Where's everyone?!?" He then turns to Brian, who was passed out on the couch. "I think, he's has the right idea! Drink, until you pass out!" Peter exclaimed as he took out a barrel full of beer from out of nowhere & started drinking as the audience laughed. Lois then suddenly poked her head out. "Peter, do you got the keys to the...." she stopped as she saw Peter drinking from the barrel. "What?" Peter asked drunkly. "Peter, I need...." Lois started, before Peter passed out onto the floor. "_God!_ What a dumbass!" Lois sniffed as she took the keys from him. "Time to take a trip!" She puts the keys into her pocket, & then kicks Peter. "That's for kickin' me, in the halloween fic, motherfucker!"

Back at the nigtclub, everyone was having a good time. Things was going great. Patsy & Lazlo made sure that Raj & Clam didn't eat all of the food & played records. Penny & Mercedes made sure, that Edward & Stewie wasn't doing something stupid. "Listen, yall!" Penny started. "_Benz_ & I got our eyes on yo' asses, tonight. So, don't do anythin' stupid!" "Stupid?" Edward & Stewie asked in unision. "Since, when do we do somethin' stupid to you?" "Well, for starters. Yall always, swoonin' over us!" Mercedes sniffed. "And other gay shit!" Penny sniffed. "Oh, so that's what you meant." Stewie muttered. "Don't worry, Ms. Mercedes & my dear, Ms. Penny. We'll be good!" Edward said as he slauted Mercedes & Penny. "Dat's perfect." Penny started, then she stopped. "Did you just say;_ 'my dear, Ms. Penny'_?" "Uh, yeah." Edward stuttered nervously. "Now, I'm gonna get yo' ass!!" Penny sniffed as she made a fist. "_Oh snap!_" Edward exclaimed happily as he smiled. The music stopped & everyone stopped partying. "**FIGHT!!!!**" Clam said. Penny grabbed Edward by his throat & took him outside. Nazz noticed. "Oh, that silly bastard. He's, like, pissed her off again. We better go watch the fight." Everyone followed. "**Go, beat dat shit outta him, _'Nette_!**" Mercedes called. "**He's been askin' for it for a couple chapters now!**" "**Go Penny!**" Lazlo called. Then the crowd started chanting. "**FUCK UP EDWARD!!! FUCK UP EDWARD!!!**" they chanted. "Oh, I will!" Penny laughed evily. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" "_Oh fuck!_" Edward cried. "This is gonna suck, worst than...." But he didn't finished, because Penny started beating him up. Everyone cheered. Thirty minutes later, the beating was over. "**Aight.**" Mercedes called. "**Tha fight's over, back to tha party.**" Nazz had a stupid look on her face, which was her normal expression. Mercedes noticed. "Stop lookin' so damn stupid, bimbo!!" "Like, what?" Nazz asked as she smiled. Mercedes looked at Nazz's pearly whites & then she strengthed out her red holter-top & black flat cap. "So, I like yo' shinin' teeth, girly." "Like, you do?" Nazz asked. "Yeah. You should go catch a bus wit them!" Mercedes said before she knocked Nazz unconcious. Knocking one tooth out. Ed noticed. "**NAKED TIME!!!**" he hollered as he ripped all of his clothes off. Everyone was grossed out. Penny & Sarah was cross. "**You stupid bastard!**" Sarah hollered. "**Where's my knife!?!**" Penny shouted. Lazlo handed it to her. "Here ya go, Penny. I brought it, just in case." he said. "Thanks, G!" Penny said as she turned to the naked monobrowed buzzcut Ed. "Now, I'm gonna cut yo' dick off!! _Angry Red_! Hold his funky ass down!!" "A pleasure." Sarah smiled evily as she knocked her brother on the ground. "**HOORAY!!!**" Ed cheered stupidly as everyone else & the audience laughed & cheered & the scene faded to black. The scene fades back in. Penny was wipping off her knife. "Now, wit dat done, let's get back to partyin'!" "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Patsy started, then she turned to the partygoers. "Alright, back inside. They'll be fine." So, everyone goes back inside, leaving the unconcious Edward, Nazz, & a naked Ed on the street.

It was 11:30 now. The countdown to the new year started. The party was still going great. Clam & Raj was talking & drinking some drinks. "So, Clam." Raj started. "What's your New Year's resolution?" "Resolution?! _Ha!_" Clam laughed. "Only losers, do resolutions! _God!_ What an ass!" "Uh, yeah!" Raj laughed. "So, what's your resolution?" Clam asked. "My resolution is; to get rid of this annoying-ass accent!" Raj sniffed. "Well." Clam said as he took a sip from his soda. "Good luck, with that." "Really. I am." Raj yelled. "Whatever." Clam said as he rolled his eyes. Eddy, Double D & Sarah was at a nearby table, counting down the last few minutes of 2008. "So, Sarah. Do you got any, uh, resolutions for the year of 2009?" Double D asked his redheaded girlfriend. "I don't know, Double D darling." Sarah started. "I don't know." "How 'bout.." Double D started, before Eddy interrupted. "How 'bout, you learn how to shut the fuck up, for a change?!" Eddy laughed. Sarah was cross. "How 'bout you grow a few more inches." she said smugly. "Then you'll be able to see over the steering wheel, without using three phonebooks." Eddy growled as Double D, Sarah & the audience laughs. "Well, I planned to at least try to become stronger this year." Double D said. "Yeah right!" Eddy laughed. "That's as stupid as my _rogaine_ scam!"

**_(Flashback clip#6)_**  
Eddy was on his phone. He was talking to a 'customer', actually a _FBI_ agent. He was selling him _rogaine_.

Eddy: So, my good man. How many can I offer for ya?  
Agent: How about 30 packs?  
Eddy:(dollar signs in his eyes) **_30 PACKS?!!!?_** That'll be $500 bucks, my man!  
Agent: Okay. I'll send the money order in.  
Eddy: No money orders!! **I WANT CASH!!!!**  
Agent: Alright. Cash then.  
Eddy: Okay! I'll be waitin'!!

He then hangs up. A few seconds after Eddy hunged up the phone. The _FBI_ stormed into his house.

Eddy: What the fuck?!  
_FBI_: **GET ON THE FLOOR!!!**

The _FBI_ agents threw Eddy on the floor, and arrests him.

_FBI_: You're under arrest, for scamming the _Federal Bureau of Investigation_, _Central Intellence Agency_, _United States Army Military Intelligence_ & any other Intelligence agencies and organizations of USA!

Eddy: Oh damn! I-I-I didn't do it!  
_FBI_ agent: **SHUT UP!!!! YOU'RE GONNA GET TIME!!!! A WHOLE LOT OF TIME, BEHIND BARS!!!  
**Eddy: _Oh fuck!_ My dad's gonna kill my ass.  
audience:(laughs)

Eddy turns to the audience.

Eddy: **IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!**  
_FBI_ agent: Yes, it is, because nobody likes your midget ass!  
audience:(laughs)  
**_(End flashback clip#6)_**

"What?" Double D asked. "It can happen." "Yeah, when Ed takes a fuckin' bath." Eddy laughed. "**SHUT UP, MIDGET DICK!!!!**" Sarah shouted as she smacked the shit out of the midget. "**Fuck you! You lil' whore!**" Eddy sniffed. It was five minutes from midnight now. Everybody was counting down the last minutes now. Patsy, Lazlo, Penny & Mercedes was sitting at the front of the room now. Mercedes was on the mike. "Aight yall. It's time for tha final countdown now! When, tha clock strikes midnight, we gonna be shootin' off shit to celebrate 2009! So get yo' champaigne bottles ready!" Everyone started cheering. Mercedes sat back down. Penny yawned. "_Damn!_ This celebratin' tha holidays are tirin'!" "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Thank god, we don't have to do these specials next year." Patsy said. "Oh yeah!" the three other party hosts agreed. "Well, this has been quite a year." Penny said. "Yep. It sure was." Patsy said. "Lots of shit happened." "Yeah, like destroyin' dat sub prick's shop!" Penny laughed. "And dat gun & carchase we did back in October." Mercedes added. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "But of course history was made in November." "Oh yeah. Tha nation voted for tha very first black president." Penny said. "Yeah." Mercedes started. "Hopefully, he won't be screw up, like tha last one." Then Mercedes looked at the camera. "Yeah." "Hopefully, this year. _Greasey_ won't act so damn stupid!" Patsy said as everyone in the nightclub started counting down the final seconds of 2008. "Yeah, like using Penny as a mustache." Lazlo laughed. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Mercedes started & turned to Penny. "_Lard ass_ turned you into a fuckin' mustache, _'Nette_?" "Yeah, dat fat bastard did!" Penny sniffed. "I had to find that out, the hard way." Patsy said as she strengthed out her black flat cap.

**_(Flashback clip#7)_**

Peter was laying back in his massage chair, and was looking out the window. Patsy walks in. In the original, Patsy didn't call Peter a name, but for the sake of this fic, she will.

Patsy: Uh, _Greedy ass_?  
Peter:(muffled-like voice) Yes?

He sounded strange to Patsy.

Patsy: What's wrong with your voice?  
Peter:(still in muffled voice) There's nothing's wrong with my voice, Ms. Smiles. So what do you want?  
Patsy: Well, _Tubby guts_. I was wondering if you seen Penny? It seems like, no matter where I look, I can't find her.  
Peter:(still in muffled voice) No, Ms. Smiles. I haven't seen Ms. Penny.

Then Patsy notices a white T-shirt and a black vest on the floor.

Patsy:(picks up the shirt & vest) Is this Penny's shirt and vest?  
Peter:(realizing that Patsy knows something & in nervous voice now) Uh, no it's not!!

Then Patsy turns Peter's chair around to see that Penny was taped on top of his upper lip.

Patsy:(seeing & pointing to Penny) What the hell's that?! What's Penny doin' on your upper lip?  
Peter: She's my mustache, Ms. Smiles.  
Patsy: What?  
Peter:(in a laid back type of voice) She's my brand new mustache!! It's makes me look cool.

Penny suddenly lifts her head up. Also in the original, Penny calls Patsy, by her full name, instead of her given nickname. But also for the sake of this fic, she'll call Patsy by her nickname.

Penny: _P_, would you mind gettin' me down or somethin' like dat?  
Peter:(cross) **SHUT UP, MUSTACHE!**  
Patsy: I know, that having a mustache makes men cool and shit like that, but please let Penny down.  
Peter: **No! I don't wanna go back to bein' bare lipped Peter!!** Even if this mustache has gas!!

Penny then burped & farted. Peter laughs.

Peter: _Hee!Hee!Hee!_ Mustache burp & fart!  
Penny: Maybe next time I should not eat so much mexican food.

Cleveland walks into the scene.

Cleveland: Hey, have ya'll seen my....

He notices that Peter with Penny taped to his lip.

Cleveland: Never mind, I'll come back later.

He runs out of there. Peter rips Penny off his upper lip.

Peter: Wait up Cleveland!!

He chases after him. Penny got up, and walks towards Patsy, who was still holding her shirt & vest.

Penny:(looks at the tape at her firm, feminine, sexy six packed abs) God, this shit's gonna hurt like hell, when I rip this tape off.

Just then, Edward & Stewie 'accidently' walks in.

Edward: _Oop!_ We didn't interupt anything, did we?  
Penny:(pissed to see them & ripping the tape off) **No!! Now get tha fuck outta here!!**

Edward & Stewie walked back out.

Edward:(smiling after what he had seen) Damn, she was in her bra! Nice breastes!  
Stewie:(also smiling) Boy, I thought _Hip Hop girl_'s milk jugs was gonna pop out of her bra!  
Edward: Too, bad they didn't. That would of been a beautiful sight!  
Stewie: **YEAH!!! I KNOW, RIGHT?**  
Edward: **RIGHT!**  
**_(End flashback clip#7)_**

"Those two." Mercedes said as she nodded her head. "Always, tryin' to get a peek." "I know, right?" Penny sniffed. "Yeah." Mercedes replied. Patsy looked at her watch. "It's almost time! Who's gonna go up?" "Since, everyone knows, dat me & _Benz_, have great speaking voices. We will." Penny said as she & Mercedes stood up. "Okay then." Lazlo said. Then he turned to Patsy. "Do you wanna celebrate at my truck?" "Your truck? Do you even have a small refridgerator?" Patsy asked. "No." Lazlo muttered. "How 'bout we go my ride? I got all that shit?" Patsy suggested. "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea, Patsy." Lazlo said. So, they leave as Penny & Mercedes hyped up the party crowd for 2009.

Outside, Patsy & Lazlo was at her suv. Patsy gave her beau a soda. "Here's to 2009." she said as she was about to take a sip of her soda. "Wait Patsy." Lazlo said. Patsy stopped. "What is it, dear?" she asked. "I wanna do somethin', before we take a drink first." Lazlo said. "Is it romantic?" Patsy asked with happiness in her voice. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "I saw this on _'Sanford & son'_. Now, hold your arm out." So Patsy did. Then Lazlo held his arm out. Then he wrapped his arm around Patsy's arm. "_C'est Si Bon_, Patsy." Patsy laughed as they took a sip of their sodas. Then some fireworks starts going off in the background. It was 2009. "Well, dear." Patsy started. "It's 2009." "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Come here." Patsy obeys, as Lazlo grabs her by the hips. The audience does that whoo-ing number. "I can tell by the way, the audience is whooing. That you're gonna do somethin', that'll raise the ratings, dear?" Patsy asked. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Now, pucker up those sexy lips. Time to get you, your first kiss of the year." So Patsy did & Lazlo kissed her. The audience goes wild. Soon, the kissing stopped & Lazlo & Patsy looked at each other. "Damn, Patsy!" Lazlo said as he smiled at her. "I love you, so much!" "I love you too, dear." Patsy smiled warmly. "Let's kiss again." So they did. Little did they know, that they was being watched by Penny & Mercedes. "Ain't dat sweet, _'Nette_?" Mercedes said to Penny. "Yeah, it is, _Benz_." Penny replied. "Should we go interrupt them?" Mercedes asked. "No. Let them be, _Benz_." Penny said. "Dat'll be a wise thing." "Yeah. Let's go back inside." said Mercedes. So, they go back inside, while Patsy & Lazlo kept kissing.

**_(Audience applauses)_**  
It shows a freeze frame of Patsy & Lazlo with their arms wrapped on each other arms.  
The same ending music from the halloween fic plays.

**Starring:**

Carlos Alazraqui as Lazlo, Clam, cellmate, annoying bear kid, man at holdup, guard dog, Mario Joker, cronie#2, & man#5

Jodi Benson as Patsy Smiles, Lori Smiles, Julia, Almondine, black yoga classmate, other chef#2, picketer, woman#2, & girl

Seth MacFarlane as Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glen Quagmire, Carter Pewterschmidt, cameraman, Oscar the grouch, Mr. Noodle, voice, waiter, developer, cronie#5, James Evans Sr., cellmate#2, Gabe Kotter, & FBI agent

Alex Borstein as Lois Griffin, Abby Cadabby, other chef#3, picketer, woman#4, & Female gym teacher

Mila Kunis as Meg Griffin, Panini, & picketer, & woman at car dealership

Jill Talley as Nina Neckerly, Gretchen, yoga classmate, woman, & Thelma Evans

Seth Green as Chris Griffin, Wheel of fortune player, & resident#2

Jeff Bennett as Raj, background loser, & head nobody

Mr. Lawrence as Edward, Gordon Ramsay, & man#4

Mike Henry as Cleveland Brown, Matt, other chef#4, Fouad, cronie#1, man#6, Kwame Kilpatrick, & Lamont Sanford

**Also starring:**  
Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson, Glade announcer, & Burger King announcer

Jon Lovitz as Jay Sherman, Glade plug-in, & cronie#3

Matt Hill as Ed, TJ Detweilier, & man

Samuel Vincent as Edd 'Double D', jeweler, cronie#4, & boy

Tony Sampson as Eddy, interviewer, & Epstein

Erin Fitzgerald as Nazz, & Glade woman

Janyse Jaud as Sarah & girl#3

Pamela Segall as Ashley Spinelli, & girl#2

Mike Judge as Beavis, Butthead, Chip & Skip

Tom Kenny as Slinkman & man#3

Phil LaMarr as Fred Sanford, Ollie Williams, Friday Mobz scheduler, Phill Williams, resident#1 & 3, head picketer, man#2, JJ Evans, homeless resident#1, & other chef#1

Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson, Richard M. Daley, & bouncer

**Special guests:**

Harvey Walden IV as himself

Arsenio Hall as himself

Meredith Vieira as herself

Reginald Ballard as Bro'Man

Sherman Hemsley as George Jefferson

John Whiterspoon as apartment owner & homeless resident#2

Jacob Vargas as Joker

Keenan Ivory Wayans as Darryl Charles Smith (Penny's dad)  
Kardeen Hardison as Warren Jackson (Mercedes' dad)  
Lil' JJ as Jamal Charles Barkley Smith

Da Brat as Tracie Gina Smiles-Jackson & Mercedes 'Benz' Smiles

&

Alicia Keys as Diane Smiles, Kelly Tamala Smiles-Jones, Hilary Shayla Smiles, & Annette 'Penny' Smiles

End


End file.
